-01
There is a concept in social psychology called the "150 rule".
Anthropologist Robin Dunbar proposes that the number of people with a stable social network is 148 people within the limits of human intelligence, rounded up to 150 people.
In other words, a person can connect with a maximum of 150 people in this lifetime;
And among them, there are up to 50 ordinary friends and 5 close friends.
So, who you can be with is basically a selection of these 150 people;
Narrowing it down a bit, it could be your former classmates, your colleagues, your neighbors, or someone introduced by your relatives or friends.
What does this limitation inevitably lead to?
Your ideal view of feelings:
"There are so many people in this world, and I can meet so many people every day, and I will definitely meet someone who is suitable for me. ”
Realistic feelings:
You are still single when you reach the age of marriage, your parents are urging you to get married, and your classmates and friends around you are married and have children;
Under the influence of the people around you and your own psychological pressure, you have no choice but to make do with marriage.
And this is also the current state of most people's feelings.
-02
There is a question on the Internet:
"Should I choose someone who loves me or someone I love to be with?"
Choose the people who love you to be with:
You don't have that much affection for this person, you don't have that much investment;
His conditions may not be as good as yours, he is in a low position in the relationship, he pays for you, loves you, tolerates you, understands you.
From the realization of the relationship, he is a person who takes the initiative and gives more;
He is a good partner in the eyes of his parents and a reliable candidate in the eyes of his friends, but you alone don't think it's good.
What's not so good?
It's probably your subconscious "unwillingness".
went around in circles, looking forward to a soulmate for a long time, and waited for such a candidate.
Choose to be with the people you love:
This kind of love is bitter, a little astringent, obsessive and painful;
With the other person, you become the "low person" in the relationship;
You suffer from gains and losses, cranky, sensitive and suspicious, and gradually lose yourself.
Your self-confidence, your assertiveness, your sense of order in your own life, are completely shattered in front of the other person.
Like what:
If the other party doesn't reply to your message for a few hours, you will be very anxious;
The other party is very busy with work, and the attitude of talking to you is perfunctory, and you are very lost;
All your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are influenced by the other person.
Is this kind of love what you want?
The other person is indeed attracted to you, but this love is only consumed by you.
-03
What is the weakness of human nature in relationships?
is not satisfied.
No matter who you fall in love with, who you fall in love with, who you are with will eventually have regrets and unwillingness.
I think, "If I was xx at the beginning, maybe I am xx now".
It's like the red roses and white roses in Eileen Chang's pen.
You are with the white rose, and after a long time, the white rose will become rice sticky;
You are with the red rose, and over time, the red rose turns into mosquito blood.
Who is the cinnabar mole in your heart? will always be the one you can't love.
No matter how you choose, the weaknesses of human nature are:
If you don't get each other, it is the moment when you have the strongest sense of happiness, expectation, atmosphere, and mystery;
Once you get the other person, all the anticipation and freshness become boring.
When you are with someone who loves you, you have to accept TA's woodenness, which is not romantic enough and you don't like it very much;
When you are with the person you love, you have to bear the situation of gains and losses, if you are about to leave, and you are anxious about internal friction.
Do you understand?
How to break this shackle and struggle?
The core is still in you.
You have a good mentality, have an assertive opinion, have a sense of purpose, and focus more on yourself;
The better you are, the higher your sense of intrinsic worth, the more fearless you are and don't care about anyone's eyes;
You are qualified and confident to take responsibility for your own choices and life, and you don't need to look at anyone's face.
From the point of view of gender relations:
Good feelings always depend on your attraction.
If you bloom, butterflies will come, and if you are good enough, you will not attract too many people.
Topic:
Will you be with "someone who loves you" or "someone you love"?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, original family, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.