He Quanfeng, the author of "Pattern", told a story in the book.
A wise man and a friend go for a walk and meet a passerby who doesn't like him.
Passers-by insulted him with all the nasty things they said.
The friend couldn't help it, and immediately fought back, arguing with the man.
But the wise man was unmoved, but turned and asked his friend:
"If someone gives you a gift and you refuse to accept it, who does it belong to?"
Friend answers:
"Of course, it belongs to the person who originally gave the gift. ”
The wise man smiled slightly, his abuse, in addition to being angry, you have the right not to accept it.
In the face of other people's negative energy, whether you want to justify, fight, or save, you are actually entangled.
entanglement, it will consume itself.
But as long as you don't respond, all the negative energy will go back the way it came.
To entangle with negative energy is to interfere with one's own magnetic field.
Nietzsche said:
"Stare into the abyss for too long, and the abyss will gaze back. ”
When you're pushing the wall, the wall is pushing you.
When you get along with people who are riddled with negative energy, you will also be invisibly consumed by their negative magnetic field.
Someone taunts you meanly, and you immediately hit back bitterly at him.
If someone looks down on you rudely, you immediately despise him with contempt.
In this way, they easily turn you into the most hated person of their own.
Vermes, the editor-in-chief of The Times of London, was in charge of the evening news column with a colleague many years ago.
The colleague lacks professional ability and has a very short temper.
Vermes was disgusted with the appearance of his colleagues, and the two faced each other, and there were often arguments in the office.
After a long time, Vermes also began to get used to working with emotions, and would always quarrel with the people around him because of some small things.
In this way, Vermes spent most of his daily energy arguing, the column was a mess, and his popularity became very poor.
At the end of the year, instead of being rewarded, Vermes, who had been promoted, was interviewed and warned by his superiors.
He finally realized that the messy life he has now started with being entangled with that colleague who was full of negative energy.
So, he made up his mind not to fight against that colleague again, no matter what.
In the face of his colleagues' faults and complaints, he took the initiative to avoid them, no longer argued, and did not respond.
Treat everyone around you calmly and put your mind to work.
Slowly, everyone felt that the sunny and progressive Vermes of the past was back.
Vermes was also quickly promoted.
There is a "kimchi effect" in sociology, which refers to different kinds of vegetables, soaked in the same jar and pickled, and will be soaked in the same flavor over time.
The same is true between people.
A person's fate is often directly related to the people around him.
Grumpy people can make you irritable;
Negative people can make you decadent.
People with a negative magnetic field will be like leeches, sucking away your energy and grinding away your will.
Oscar Wilde once said:
"For my own sake, I have to forgive something.
For a man cannot get up from night to night and plant thorns in the garden of the soul. ”
In this bizarre world, encountering ghosts and ghosts is a kind of helplessness and a kind of normality.
What we can do is not to let what happens in the present turn into a tragedy that lasts indefinitely.
When encountering people with negative energy, it is the wisest thing to withdraw in time, ignore the provocation, and remain silent.
Absorbing the negative energy of others will only crush yourself.
In 2016, Ma Sichun won the Golden Horse Film, and his career was booming, but soon after, he had to stop filming treatment due to depression.
Later, she revealed the reason for her illness in an interview:
"When someone around her is sad and confides in her, it's easy for her to go along with the pain. ”
This phenomenon has a professional term in psychology called "excessive empathy":
When a person carries too much of the psychological pain of others and blindly sympathizes with others, it is easy to bring harm to himself.
Such people are the most susceptible to mental illness, they are like an emotional trash can, constantly absorbing the negative energy of others.
You must know what kind of emotions others have, it is their freedom, and it is difficult for us to control it.
But not being trapped in other people's negative energy, not paying for other people's negative energy, is something we can choose independently.
Malu, a master in psychology, once shared a story from his college days on Twitter.
She specializes in love psychology, and at the suggestion of her teacher, she has "free clinics" for some female patients.
She found that each treatment session turned into a rally of denunciation against her husband.
Patients are always chattering and complaining about all kinds of unsatisfactory things, venting the accumulated resentment in their hearts.
Maru felt like she couldn't speak, and her patients became angrier each time the treatment ended.
Even, after listening to the patient's complaints, Maru slowly began to be full of fear of marriage.
Will, the teacher, comforted her and said:
"Don't be influenced by other people's emotions, otherwise, you are paying for their negative energy. ”
Years later, Maru became a psychiatrist, and she always adhered to one dogma:
When treating patients, always keep bystanders awake and never absorb the patient's negative energy.
It is important to know that the energy magnetic fields between people are mutually influential.
And some people are born like black holes, as long as they get close, it is an energy drain.
No matter how high your energy is, it will be depleted.
The biggest internal friction in life is to carry the negative energy of others.
While you care about others, don't forget to protect yourself.
Do not punish yourself for the faults of others;
Do not interfere with yourself because of the emotions of others.
Only by stabilizing the body and mind can we get rid of the interference of negative magnetic fields and let life enter a positive cycle.
Never be someone else's negative energy trash can.
Get CEO Li Tiantian said:
"The most draining thing is to be with someone who doesn't have a disease but looks exhausted. ”
This kind of person exudes negative energy all over his body, and if you are close to it for a long time, you will also be assimilated.
The deeper you get entangled with them, the easier it is to fall into internal friction, so that you can't focus on what is most important to you.
Cut off those bad interpersonal relationships and don't respond to negative energy, so as to start a brilliant life:
- Don't respond to complaints
Do you have anyone like this around you?
If the work is not completed, they complain about the heavy workload;
was broken up, complained about the other party's reality and worshiped money;
Even if you are usually late, you can complain about the slippery road in the rain......
complains about the world and complains about others, but does not find the reason in himself.
Staying with them, you will also be overwhelmed.
When you meet such a person, don't be soft-hearted.
Don't respond to his complaints, don't expect him to change, and leave as soon as possible is your best bet.
- Don't respond to picking
I have to say that from childhood to adulthood, there is always a group of people around me who like to pick thorns.
They are like a hedgehog, covered in thorns, and they don't like anyone.
Psychologist Albert Ellis said:
"Accusatory personality people will make you so depressed that you can't see your own worth, and eventually live a low-value person. ”
Stay away from people who hurt your self-esteem and destroy your self-confidence, and reach out to people who fill you with energy.
- Don't respond to bar spirits
I've heard a saying:
"The lower the level of cognition, the more inclined people are to raise the bar. ”
They like to talk about things in trouble, but they never care about right or wrong.
Take film and television dramas as an example, if you like domestic dramas, he will laugh at you for being tasteless;
If you like American dramas, he will ridicule you for admiring foreign flattery;
You like Korean dramas, and he will tease you to follow the crowd......
Writer Su Qin said:
"Don't be the bar, you can't win.
Because in his small world, he is the absolute truth. ”
In the face of the bar spirit, even if you respond with one word, you have already lost.
- Don't respond to pessimism
In the Almanac of Poor Charlie, Benjamin Franklin wrote:
"A rotten apple, a basket of apples. ”
Those who are negative and pessimistic, like this rotten apple, will eventually make you infected with negative energy.
When you allow them to appear in your life, you are actually acquiescing in them to corrupt your spirit and destroy your life.
Avoid such people, your world can be full of sunshine, and life will naturally get better.
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There is such a question on Zhihu:
"What kind of experience is it to have a friend with negative energy around you?"
A high praise replied:
"Pain, that's what I feel the most.
I feel that the friend with negative energy is the biggest source of negative energy in my life. ”
Plants like to grow towards the sun.
It's the same with people, as an adult, you have to learn to actively screen relationships.
Surround yourself with people who can recharge your batteries, and you will be nourished.
Source: Insights