Hello everyone, I am the family education instructor Guo Ma~
Before having a child: Giving birth to a boy and a girl is the same, it is our child, and we all love it.
After giving birth: It turned out that the firstborn was a son or a daughter, and the gap was so big that my heart was stuffed.
Those who have come here understand it.
But, hopefully, you don't understand.
Whether the firstborn child gave birth to a son or a daughter, who came over: the difference between these three points is quite obvious, and it is still very cruel
01 "Creating a gap" is different
Since the opening of the second child, the "birth army" can be described as a rapid rise.
A friend of Guo's mother joked: As long as you are not menopausal, you may be born.
It's just that after so many years of opening the second child, it is also a birth, but it is also a little different.
For example, whether the firstborn child is a son or a daughter is not the same.
My friend Xiaoli's firstborn is a daughter, she is also an only daughter, her husband has a younger sister, she doesn't think how beautiful the second-child family is, at least from the mother-in-law's partiality for the sister-in-law.
However, everyone around her urged her to have a second child for a variety of reasons:
The eldest is a daughter, with little pressure, she can have another one and raise a child to prevent old age;
I have to give birth to a younger brother and sister for my daughter, and a girl needs to rely on her.
Mother-in-law is even more absolute: I have to have another son, I gave birth to a son all of a sudden, and this incense still can't be broken!
However, the mother-in-law never urged the sister-in-law to give birth to a son.
Relatively speaking, the firstborn is a daughter, and the probability of being born will be greater.
Or, it is patriarchal in the bones, and I always feel that a family must have a boy, I really don't know if there is a throne or how many assets can be inherited;
Or, it is to make up for the regrets of the previous generation, anyway, the daughter has less pressure and has a second child, it seems that the family of two children will be complete, as if it does not cost money to raise a daughter.
And the first child is a son, and the probability of being born is not great, after all, what if the second child is a son?
In short, behind a lot of births, there is actually contempt for girls.
02 "Family status" is different
Colleague Peipei's firstborn is a daughter, to be honest, the in-laws are quite dedicated, and they are helping to take care of the children, and they are paying for the children to buy diapers, clothes, etc.
Pei Pei feels that her mother-in-law's family is really good, and there is no patriarchal situation at all.
However, these were all after the concubine gave birth to a son, and I realized that it was different to give birth to a son or a girl.
Peipei's husband has a younger brother who got married two years ago and gave birth to a son.
It stands to reason that there is already a grandchild in the family, and the old people should not be so excited.
However, Peipei's in-laws were excited, which Peipei didn't see when she gave birth to a daughter.
The in-laws also set up a confinement center for mothers, and buy diapers and toys for children.
Although I have also bought it for my granddaughter, it is all affordable.
And the ones I bought for my grandson are the most expensive in the store.
There is no separation, and the children all live under the same roof, but it is obvious that the mother-in-law has to take care of her grandson a lot, although she still loves her granddaughter, but after all, she has a little less sincerity and intentions.
Pei Pei also obviously felt that the family status of himself and his daughter had changed, which was embarrassing.
In addition, her mother-in-law always said that her sister should let her younger brother go, and Pei Pei wanted to make more money now, and then buy a house with her husband to live alone.
Perhaps, the old people now feel very sorry for their children.
However, the idea of "patriarchy" in the bones of some old people has not dissipated so quickly.
03 "Pressure with a baby" is different
The first two are out of the "patriarchy" in the bones of the older generation.
And this last gap is closely related to the people of our generation.
Whether the firstborn is a boy or a girl, the pressure of bringing a baby is really different, and each has its own pressure.
With boys, it's mostly a lot of energy pressure.
Guo's mother also bought insurance for pistachios, and then in the process of buying insurance, she found that in some insurances, boys charge more than girls.
Physiologically, boys have higher levels of dopamine in their blood than girls, a chemical secreted by the brain that controls a person's energy and mood.
Therefore, boys are not only more energetic, but also more emotionally irritable.
So there is a boy at home, and it is quite tiring to bring it up, and the boy's energy has just begun to be exhausted, and he is exhausted as a mother.
From a developmental point of view, the language development of boys' brain centers is weaker than that of girls, so their language expression skills, ability to observe words and colors, etc., are weaker than girls.
This also leads to the fact that in the process of taking the boy, he doesn't know what the boy is going to do, and the boy doesn't know how to observe the faces of his parents.
Therefore, it is really energy-consuming to bring up a boy, whether it is the energy to play with the body or the energy to communicate with the child to make him reasonable.
With girls, it is mostly mental pressure.
In fact, many young people now love their daughters.
Contrary to boys, girls are relatively quiet, more delicate, and more obedient, and are called "little padded jackets".
There is a small padded jacket at home, and as a parent, it is naturally very loved.
is also because of love, parents are also heartbroken for their daughter's growth.
For example, some time ago, a classmate of Pistachio was named Xiaoyuan, and her mother said that another relative had to hug Xiaoyuan, saying that it was very cute, and then pinched Xiaoyuan's face for a while, and kissed Xiaoyuan's hand for a while.
Xiaoyuan's mother couldn't bear it anymore and asked Xiaoyuan to go to the room to play.
For this, this relative is also angry.
The old man in the family said that she had nothing to do, but Xiaoyuan's mother insisted: Xiaoyuan is a girl, and the relative is a man, so she has to keep a distance from her own father, let alone an outsider.
The old man didn't understand and said that she had a dirty mind.
But Xiaoyuan's parents felt that girls should be more avoidant.
The upbringing of girls needs to be more delicate.
Because girls' minds are more delicate and think more, parents also have to take care of girls' psychology when educating girls, so they have more thoughts in education.
In addition, girls are actually more likely to suffer physiologically than boys, so parents need to pay more attention to gender education and psychological education.
Especially when entering adolescence in the future, girls are prone to the problem of early love, and as parents, they are even more worried.
Therefore, raising a girl is more troublesome and worried.
Relatively speaking, many young parents around them dare not have a second child after having a daughter.
Because it's hard enough to raise a girl.
The gap is not ordinary.
Written at the end of the article
In fact, whether the firstborn is a boy or a girl, it is the same, and we, as parents, must give our children the right love.
However, we need to pay attention to the gender difference in the treatment of our children by others, and as parents, we should reduce this harm and not let it have an impact on the child's life and psychology.
Discussion: Did the firstborn child have an impact on you?