Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
In his book On the Psychology of Human Nature, the British thinker David Hume discussed the complexity of human nature, pointing out that human nature contains primitive animal attributes, and human nature also contains unique attributes of human beings.
Hume emphasized that there are both weaknesses in human nature that are difficult to look at, and goodness that can touch people's hearts.
Therefore, Hume believed that it was very important to understand the universal human nature and the nature of the individual.
Through this understanding, a person can better understand himself and adapt to reality, so as to realize his or her own potential and achieve the set goals in life.
Let's illustrate this with a simple example.
There is a general belief that parents' love for their children is unconditional.
However, after studying numerous cases, psychologists have found that not all parents can achieve unconditional love for their children. Parents are first and foremost independent individuals, and before they become parents, they are already ordinary people full of human weaknesses.
Many times, statements that parents claim to be good for their children may actually be a false illusion of self-deception.
Those relatives who are anxious to urge marriage, they seem to care about their juniors, but in fact, they are more projecting their own uneasiness onto others, as a way to reduce their own psychological pressure.
This behavior reflects a mechanism of anxiety transfer and stress release in human nature.
This is what is called the manifestation of the depths of human nature. When you really understand human nature, you will find that those who are less capable are more likely to show selfless kindness, while those who are more skilled tend to appear more "cold".
This needs to be considered from two perspectives. The kindness shown by those who are less capable is not entirely due to their simplicity.
In fact, these people lack the ability to refuse others, even in the face of unreasonable demands.
Against this backdrop, people with malicious intentions tend to double down on these good people. correct
As the saying goes, this phenomenon is described.
Psychologists have studied this type of kind individual and found that these people often suffer from "rejection phobia".
They have a strong sense of inferiority in their hearts and often feel that they are inferior to others.
This state of mind has a lot to do with the environment in which they were raised, and they may have grown up in a high-pressure educational atmosphere with little recognition from their parents.
In order to gain the approval of others, these people often seek psychological balance by pandering to others. Over time, they develop a people-pleasing personality trait.
Once they refuse the demands of others, they feel great fear that their image in the minds of others will be damaged and thus they will lose the so-called recognition.
As a result, such individuals are often the target of oppression by the wicked. Taking advantage of the psychological weakness of these people, the wicked people have repeatedly oppressed them.
As a result, many people who are overly kind end up appearing powerless because they seem to have no strengths other than to cater to others. It is because of this that people cannot show kindness to an infinite extent.
True kindness should be reserved for those who know how to be grateful and reciprocate, not for those who are ungrateful.
When we encounter someone who is grateful, the person of kindness is also rewarded by giving a helping hand, and this reward brings additional benefits to the do-gooder.
It should be pointed out that the "cruelty" here is not cruelty in the literal sense, because true justice can always triumph over evil, and the righteousness of the world continues to show its true nature.
However, after understanding human nature deeply, we should realize that we should not fully embody extreme kindness, but must show the necessary "cruelty" at the necessary moment.
For example, in the Hollywood movie Aquaman, a scene is shown shortly after the beginning of the movie:
Aquaman rescues a group of crew members who have been attacked by pirates, and in the course of a fierce battle with the gangsters, especially the ruthless father and son pirate leaders, they cause a large number of casualties among the crew. So when the pirate father is trapped by his own bomb, Aquaman chooses not to save him in case he harms people again.
This "cruelty" is the choice of the strong, in order to protect more innocent civilians from harm.
In fact, whether it's with family, friends, or colleagues and bosses, we should show some "cruelty" at the right time.
A moderate amount of "cruelty" not only helps individuals grow quickly, but also avoids many unnecessary troubles. Appropriate "cruelty" of parents to their children is necessary.
As Wu Zhihong said in his book "Why Does Home Hurt People",
Everyone has to separate from their parents, and this separation is practiced by the parents themselves.
If parents fail to carry out this "cruelty", the child may become a so-called "giant baby", which is not true love, but may cause harm to the child.
On the contrary, children need to show the necessary "cruelty" towards their parents. In China, many parents are controlling, failing to achieve proper independence from their children and often interfering in their children's lives.
Therefore, children also need to learn to say "no" to their parents. Although it may be difficult for parents to accept or understand for a while, everyone has only one life, and children should not live for their parents forever.
Especially after understanding the fragility and unbearability of human nature, we should be brave enough to live our own lives. In the workplace, moderate "cruelty" is also a survival strategy.
Many newcomers to the workplace will encounter situations where their old colleagues shirk their work to them. At first, they were kind enough to help and behave.
But over time, if no boundaries are set, this can get worse, and this is known as the "broken window effect" – once the first rule is broken, the violator goes on to break the others.
At this time, the appropriate "cruelty" is particularly important.
As Keigo Higashino said in his mystery novel "White Night Walking",
There are two things in the world that cannot be looked at, one is the human heart and the other is the sun.
Having learned about the weakness and ugliness of human nature, we still need to treat others with kindness, but this kindness should not be unprincipled.
Once the principles are violated, there is no way to continue the good deeds, which is the way to go.
Therefore, true masters are not really cruel, although they have weapons in their hands, they have good intentions in their hearts to deal with the dangers of this world, which is why they become masters.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: human nature, psychology
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology