Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
For marriage, I am afraid that every woman's expectation will be to be a good wife, a good mother, and a good daughter-in-law.
It's not that we are too demanding of ourselves, but because we are full of longing for marriage. I always feel that if I do these things well, then my marriage will definitely get better and better, and I will be able to experience true happiness and sweetness.
But I have to say that sometimes giving too much initiative is often unflattering, especially in some sensitive matters. Your initiative may be just "nothing to do" in the eyes of the other party.
Therefore, in the in-law's house, women must learn to be lazy in 3 things, and rushing to do it will only be thankless.
01
Don't do a lot of housework
Many new daughters-in-law, in order to make a good impression on their in-laws, often take the initiative to take on a lot of housework. It's just that this practice, although the starting point is good, but in the long run, not only will you be tired, but others will not be grateful.
If you have taken on a lot of chores, your mother-in-law and family will get used to your efforts, and even take them for granted.
When the day comes when you are unable to continue with these chores for some reason, it is likely to be seen as "lazy" or "irresponsible".
This phenomenon of "rising to Mien and fighting Mi hatred" is not uncommon in real life.
Moreover, a daughter-in-law who is too diligent can sometimes make her mother-in-law feel threatened. She will feel that her family status has been challenged, and this subtle psychological change is likely to lead to tension in the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Therefore, in terms of housework, the daughter-in-law should learn to be "lazy" appropriately, and not take care of all the housework as soon as she comes up.
Of course, this is not to say that you don't do housework at all, but rather to find a balance in the process of sharing housework.
For example, you can take the initiative to take on some housework that you are good at or like, and at the same time guide your mother-in-law or husband to participate together. This will not only reduce your burden, but also strengthen your relationship.
02
Children should be moderately hands-off in education
When it comes to educating children, mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law mostly have different ideas and practices.
Some daughters-in-law, in order to prove that they are responsible mothers, will insist on their own set of education methods, and even conflict with their mothers-in-law.
In fact, when it comes to educating children, if you insist too much on your own opinions, it often leads to tension in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
As an elder, my mother-in-law's experience is not completely without merit. On the premise of adhering to her own principles, the daughter-in-law can properly listen to her mother-in-law's opinions and discuss a mutually acceptable education method together.
Moreover, the daughter-in-law should also learn to be "lazy" occasionally in educating her children, not to do everything herself, but also to give her children some autonomy.
It not only cultivates the child's independence, but also gives the mother-in-law a sense of involvement, so why not?
03
Neutrality should be maintained in family conflicts
In the in-law's house, it is inevitable to encounter some family conflicts and disputes. As a daughter-in-law, how to deal with these contradictions is not only related to her own vital interests, but also affects the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Some daughters-in-law are often anxious to express their opinions when dealing with family conflicts, and even take the initiative to get involved in them and try to mediate or adjudicate.
However, this practice often puts itself in a very awkward position. Because family conflicts involve problems that are difficult to solve in the past, they cannot be judged by simply right and wrong.
Therefore, when dealing with family conflicts, daughters-in-law should learn to be "lazy" and maintain a neutral and objective attitude. Don't rush to take sides or take a stand, and don't get too involved.
In short, in the in-law's family, the daughter-in-law should learn to be "lazy" appropriately, not too diligent and proactive, but on the basis of respecting herself and others, to find a balance.
In this way, you can truly protect your own interests and feelings, and also maintain the harmony and stability of your marriage.