Mother and son, the final fate is just to keep watching his back fade away, watching him disappear and appear faintly on various turns, silently telling himself: No need to chase.
He has his life and life, and when the child can handle some things independently, the mother must adjust her mentality in time and retreat to her own position.
Although there will be a bit of loss and confusion, letting go is the only option.
In the three years of junior high school, Brother Han and I have cultivated a deep relationship and a good parent-child relationship, I can feel his dependence on me, and I have done my best to accompany him every morning and late night in the three years of junior high school.
Rain or shine, every morning I walk or run with him to the school, which is 2 kilometers away from home, and I will show up at the school gate on time at 9:30 every night to pick him up and walk home.
The half-hour on the road is completely my parent-child time with him, sometimes talking about the world, talking about a day's study or school life, sometimes talking about his recent progress, sometimes talking about exams or quizzes, and sometimes listening to him happily mention which of his subjects he has made new progress.
Although children often complain that "there is something wrong with their mother", they are still willing to talk to me all the way.
Such three years have been very hard and beautiful, and I have not lacked his company in these three years, and it has really improved the relationship between the two of us.
In the past three years, I have experienced a transformation, and Brother Han has also had a breakthrough change in the past three years, we have achieved each other, supported each other, and become friends, mother and son, and good chat partners.
When I arrived in high school, I was very uncomfortable living on campus for the first time, and I would call every day, and I was reluctant to hang up every time.
At that time, I just wanted my children to improve their grades and adapt to the rhythm and life of high school as soon as possible.
And I am also in the child's dependence and concern for me, busy and sweet. The happiest thing every day is to wait for Brother Han to call, even if you just listen to his voice, it is better than countless people in the world.
In the first semester of the first year of high school, I can still clearly feel that the child is still very dependent on me psychologically, and I am also very willing to listen and help the child solve some problems.
In the second semester of high school, because my child has encountered some setbacks and encountered some unpleasant things, the frequency of phone calls to me every day will be higher.
Almost at all times, I know his condition, and I can infer every slight fluctuation in his mood and mentality, especially during the period of sleep disorders, and keep in touch with me frequently.
I was worried and concerned about that feeling, and almost all of my energy was focused on his emotions every day, always paying attention to the changes in his emotions, and giving him timely suggestions for adjustment plans.
Later, when Brother Han's mood improved and his studies and life were on a normal track, I seemed to be lost.
From three calls a day to one call every three days, from what I knew about him before was all up to me, I was delighted and surprised.
My intellect tells me that my child must not contact me because he is doing well, everything is fine, there is nothing to worry about and nothing to bother him.
And my emotions caused me to stare at the ringtone of my mobile phone, and every time I rang the ring, I ran over to find my mobile phone in three steps and two steps, for fear that Brother Han was looking for me.
I finally understood: it's not that children can't do without their mothers, it's that mothers can't do without their children.
From last week's sparse contact to almost no contact this week, I feel as if I have been "abandoned" by my child, but I am very happy that my child has grown up, I want to let go, I want to give him freedom, I want him to take responsibility and deal with himself.
It's a particularly magical and sentimental experience, both wanting to connect with your child and making them self-reliant. Is mom always in a state of contradiction and entanglement?
I admire the child's sassiness of running alone in the wind and in the sun, and I just want to applaud him.
And I can't help but miss my child too much, and I will worry about how he eats, how he sleeps, how is his class, how is his relationship with his classmates, and is there any stuck subjects?
If you care, you will be chaotic, and if you care, you will easily think about it, and even if you make up for it with a full job, you will be occasionally sad.
But I know that this is the process that I have to adapt, to accept that the child will drift away from you, to accept that the child has his own life, to have his own circle, and to accept that the child is no longer open to the mother.
Because, this is the inevitable outcome of growth. When the child needs me, I will appear like a "female warrior" at any time, and similarly, when the child wants to fight alone, I am willing to return to my place and follow him to pursue his dreams.
This week, when my child no longer needs me, I spend most of my time at work, trying to use my work to ease my worries about him, and I am constantly adjusting my mental state, I can be on call at any time, and I can turn around at any time.
I love him and am willing to water his life path with all my love, but we are independent of each other, and I prefer to respect my child's choice and give him the freedom to soar in the bigger sky when he no longer needs me, or when I can no longer hold up a piece of heaven for him.
Every step of love will not be disappointed, and every time you do your best, you are willing, connected or not, and you are full of joy.
Knowing that he is good is the best way to give.