Don't force your children to be extroverted, many parents are making mistakes

Text丨Fish Dad   

  Image source: Meso Gallery

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A few days ago, a mother left a message saying, Daddy, I was angry with my son again, and I felt that his mouth was locked.

It turned out that I was taking my children to a party, and the children of my old classmates played together all at once, and their mouths were super sweet.

His son was left alone, not greeting or talking.

As soon as you urged him, he still wanted to cry with red eyes and clamored to go back.

In the end, I sat next to me and watched cartoons.

She said that she felt that she had raised her son, what should she do with this introverted personality in the future?

In fact, many mothers have such concerns.

Extroverted children, in the social part, are really dazzling.

I still remember when I was in middle school, I went to my relatives' house every time to pay New Year's greetings.

I always meet some people my age.

At that time, there was a relative's daughter who could speak well and liked to greet and chat with adults.

It's almost a little star in the eyes of adults.

She would take the initiative to toast the elders with a drink and say some words of blessing.

At this time, adults will say that she is sensible.

Then I heard some parents start to say that they want their children to learn from her.

Don't keep your mouth shut all the time.

Grumpy parents even scream at their children.

Although it is said that different children have different temperaments.

But you'll find that children who are positive, confident and lively, tend to be more popular.

In the classroom, this kind of child will always be the center of the children, and the popularity is good.

And those children who are silent and shy are often ignored and ostracized by their peers.

Some children are even reluctant to go to school because of this, feeling unwelcome and unable to fit in.

So, do parents need to push their children to make them extroverted?

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There are a lot of parents who already do this.

Often blame the child for being introverted, treat this as a shortcoming, constantly magnify it, and often whisper it in the child's ear.

"You can't do this, how can you make friends. ”

"How can you find a job like this? ”

"You're like a goose. ”

However, introversion is not a "disadvantage".

It should not be a negative label.

There are many mothers who see their children not greeting the uncles and aunts they have just met, and feel that they can't get over their face.

will be busy saying, "Look, my kid, introverted, alas, ......"

In this way, the child will feel that the parents are actually dissatisfied.

And I think it's my own mistake.

But they're not wrong.

Actually, it's about the child greeting this thing.

I've mentioned before that a lot of kids don't say hello, and it's not that they won't say hello.

It's that they don't want to say hello to people they don't know very well.

It's a protective instinct in children.

Little Fish is this type of child and is relatively cautious.

So at that time I asked him to say hello to a friend of mine.

As if he hadn't heard, he just glanced at it a few times and went to play with himself.

But then I saw him more often, and I added some information about that uncle to him.

Tell him it's my friend, something we've done together.

Later, when I saw him again, I didn't even warn him, and he took the initiative to say hello.

Slowly it became familiar, and then it was nice to have fun together.

And this is often the case with children.

Even if you are very familiar with friends, you haven't seen each other for a long time, and it takes a little time to transition.

The other night, when I was taking the little fish for a walk downstairs.

He met the neighbor's little brother who was also playing there.

Because it's been a long time since we've played together.

I noticed that they didn't get together as soon as they saw it, as they usually did.

Especially the little brother, probably because of his age, is even more closely by his mother's side.

I called him over to play.

Slowly, the two little ones talked.

And then play together.

In the end, I had fun again, just like before.

So, let's not complain about children's social "sluggishness".

They are just observing, preparing.

When appropriate, parents nudge and guide them, and they will be integrated.

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Whether introverted or extroverted, parents should not label badly.

Rather, it is to accept it with peace of mind.

It doesn't mean that an extrovert is necessarily better than an introvert.

It's not that introverted children have special powers.

Some of the success or failure cases don't tell the story.

Parents will always have problems as their children grow up.

For example, some children are extroverted, which also makes mothers worry.

One mother told me that she had always been worried about her child's overly positive and outgoing personality.

I will greet my classmates across the street.

At school, I was often criticized by teachers, because I couldn't control myself, and I often talked to other children in class.

There is a girl in our neighborhood who almost everyone in our house knows.

Because she will take the initiative to greet people when she sees them, and it is that kind of familiarity.

Makes you feel like she treats you like an acquaintance.

This surprised many adults.

But it also worries her mother.

Because it is not a good thing for children to be too wary of strangers.

In case you meet a bad person, isn't it easy to be fooled if you take the initiative to say hello and then know everything.

In the process of cultivating children's personality and temperament, parents should also teach them according to their aptitude.

According to the characteristics of the child, do not force him, and do not force him to change him.

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Parents should guide their children on the basis of respecting their nature.

For example, enlightened parents can accept their children being introverted and shy.

But I still hope that the child can be confident and generous, and can boldly speak his mind.

That's what to work towards for.

Some experts will tell you.

A child's temperament is predestined and cannot be changed.

In fact, this is too absolute.

Child psychology research has shown that a person's personality and temperament begin to differ in infancy. can be influenced by genetic and environmental factors. Moreover, the influence of acquired environmental factors is more obvious.

Therefore, the parenting style of parents will affect the formation of children's temperament.

That is to say, as long as the method is done properly, the child's temperament can change to a certain extent before the personality is finalized.

If the child is the type of person who does not fit in and is afraid to try new things.

So what if parents can accept their children and calmly tell their children.

Tell them some rules of communication, let them try step by step, and slowly open themselves up.

Eventually, they will become a little more gregarious.

If parents can be patient enough to pay attention to the changes in their children and guide them, instead of blaming and complaining.

Then the child's condition will be better.

And if parents use extreme methods to force their children to socialize with others, blaming them for their inadequacy.

That will only lead to resistance from the child, and they will continue to behave in this way.

Because they will choose this familiar way to protect themselves against those around them (including irritable parents).

As a result, they will become more withdrawn, violent, have low self-esteem, and become a problem child.

And what if your child is reluctant to express and always likes to let you guess, or doesn't say anything?

It may be that there are too many disciplines and rules for him, and they are too strict, so that they are habitually depressed, and they are entangled in their hearts whether to tell their parents, whether they can talk about it, and will they agree?

There is also a child's original temperament that tends to be silent and sensitive.

In this case, parents rush to force their children to speak out, which often does not yield.

Be calmer and pat him on the shoulder or touch his head.

Calmly ask him, what do you think?

Maybe they'll just say it.

There is no set formula for success in raising children, so don't sit in the right seat, but try to read your own children.

Discover the sparkle in them.

Whether extroverted or introverted, they all deserve to be loved better

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