Hello everyone, I am the family education instructor Guo Ma~
On the way out of school some time ago, Pistachio was stunned when he saw other people's second children fighting.
The 9-year-old boss threatened the second child: "If you go to your classmate again and don't come home, I will spend all the pocket money in your piggy bank!"
The second child cried instantly, and he was still lying on the ground crying.
The pistachio was instantly petrified, which she had never experienced before, and she had never seen a child lying on the ground crying.
When the grandmothers of the two children saw this scene, they picked up the second child and reassured him that his brother would not rob you of your things, and at the same time scolded the eldest brother, blaming him for not knowing how to let his younger brother.
The eldest may have been blamed a lot, he didn't care at all, and even wanted to stimulate his younger brother.
Seeing such a scene, parents passing by couldn't help but come up and say a few words.
Grandma said: "The eldest is still young, his mind is immature, and he always works against his younger brother. ”
Is it really just immaturity?
No, it's the parents who never handle the relationship between the two children well.
Or, it was the second child who felt the preference so he dared to lie on the ground and cry, and it was the eldest who felt that he was not favored so he tried to find the second child.
There is a second child in the family: if the parents can't make a bowl of water, then, they are biased towards the eldest
Parents will always feel that the eldest is already older, and at this time, the second child who is waiting to be fed needs more attention and care.
If you think so, then the second child will always be bigger than the oldest, won't he always be "biased"?
In terms of age, many parents can't make a bowl of water even.
When there is a conflict between the eldest and the second, do parents often act as referees?
When it comes to refereeing, either who's right or who's wrong, or the boss should let the second be the second.
Actually, it's all wrong.
When the eldest is partial to the second child, his behavior may "degenerate", he may become tantrums, his self-care ability may deteriorate, and he may be more clinging to his parents.
This is the boss's lack of security.
When there is a conflict between the eldest and the second, what they need is not a referee.
Because for the eldest and second, no matter who wins or loses, they are all losing.
Because, what they crave most in their hearts is actually the care and love given by their parents.
In fact, in life, it is difficult for parents to achieve a bowl of water, so what should I do at this time?
Lean towards the boss!
The more eccentric the boss, the better he is, and the second imitates the boss
Children, they are all boastful.
Parents put more effort into the boss, and the boss will have better academic performance and more confidence.
On the contrary, children who are ignored and reprimanded have low self-esteem.
In the process of being praised and paid attention to by his parents, the boss will continue to improve.
And what is the second child doing at this time?
In fact, the second child is watching his parents educate the eldest child.
You must know that the second child is a human spirit, and in this education process, if the parents praise the eldest, the second child will know: what to do in order to get the praise of the parents.
Undoubtedly, the boss became a role model for the second child, and the second child would always imitate the boss.
This is called shared progress.
The boss who is praised will not only be more confident, but also his "admiration" for the second child will be very useful, and he will even use the same education method as his parents to teach the second child.
This is the so-called "healthy growth, healthy competition".
Even if the second child's grades are better than the eldest in the future, the eldest will be very happy, because this is what he taught, or the younger siblings who grew up learning from him!
The more eccentric the boss is, the more sensible he is, and he takes care of the second child
Do parents think it's hard to take care of the second child?
In fact, pistachio has always urged us to have a second child, and once, a sentence from pistachio also made us understand why some children are willing to take care of the second child, while some bosses bully the second child.
We asked Pistachio, "If we had a younger sibling, would you take care of it for us?"
Pistachio is sober in the world: "Shouldn't you take care of your own children? ”
Then, Pistachio said, "However, Mom and Dad are very hard, I can help you." ”
Love must be a mutual process, not a one-way street.
If the parents are partial to the second child, then in the eyes of the boss, their love for their parents is one-way, because the parents love the second child and don't love themselves.
But if the parents are partial to the boss and love the boss, then establish a "two-way" relationship with the boss, then the boss will really be more sensible.
He will understand the difficulties of his parents, and he will understand that family members should take care of each other and love each other.
Such a sensible is a sensible under a benign growth, and he will not be wronged to the boss at all.
Seriously, having a boss who can help take care of the second child will really be worry-free!
Moreover, in this care, a very strong and stable sibling relationship will be established between the eldest and the second.
The more eccentric the boss, the more secure he is, and he will also give the second child love
Why does the boss have "degenerate" behavior after having the second child?
As mentioned earlier, it is a lack of security.
Children who do not have a sense of security will only think about "keeping taking", and at this time, it is difficult for them to think of giving.
Even if it is giving, it is to please the parents and get some attention from the parents, and "pretend to give". At this time, it is difficult for the second child to establish a love for the second child.
Guo's mother's friend gave birth to a second child, and the eldest was a little surprised, and asked his mother: "Mom, will my brother take away your love for me?"
Mom said, "Of course not!"
Then, Mom said two words to him:
The first sentence, my mother loves you more than my brother for 6 years!
In the second sentence, my brother will not take away his mother's love for you, on the contrary, in the future, there will be one more person who will love you!
The boss instantly smiled like a flower.
A child's greatest sense of security comes from his parents.
Therefore, if the eccentric boss makes the boss feel safe, then he will naturally have a space of love to accommodate the second child!
Written at the end of the article
We have a second child, and we have a very important purpose: I hope that they can support each other and have a support in the future.
And if we are biased towards the second child, then this wish may be in vain.
Therefore, it is better to correctly favor the boss, spend your mind on the boss, and train the boss well, and the second is really not bad!