Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
In the adult world, we can all encounter situations where friends and family want to borrow money.
Whether it's a colleague close to us, a family member, or someone we don't know well or don't fully trust, when they turn to us for help, we often face a dilemma:
If you choose to lend, you must be prepared that you may never get the money back.
Because once you ask the other party to return it, not only may you not be able to recover the money, but you may also lose a friend.
If you choose not to borrow, you may feel sorry for the other person, especially if you don't help the other person when they need the money urgently, which can make you feel guilty.
In fact, no one likes to bow their heads and borrow money from others, and everyone has self-esteem.
It is only when there is no other choice that people have to turn to others, and it is a very embarrassing moment.
Therefore, before deciding whether to borrow money, we need to understand what the other party is borrowing for specific purposes – whether it is for urgent medical needs or just for entertainment.
This will help us decide whether to borrow money or not and how much. If the other person is indeed facing serious difficulties, we can also offer some advice or comfort.
Don't be embarrassed if we end up deciding not to borrow from each other.
After all, borrowing is based on emotion, not obligation.
The key lies in the way we refuse, and then teach you three sentences so that he will not borrow it immediately, and it will not hurt his feelings.
The first is to directly express one's predicament
Dealing with money issues is always delicate and sensitive, and many people have difficulty directly declining a friend's request.
Sometimes we may be deliberately vague and delay a response, which can actually make a bad impression.
In this case, it is better to be honest about your difficulties, for example
"I've been in some situations at home lately, and I'm relatively tight on funds" or "I've been spending a lot lately, and I'm worried about financial problems", or "I really want to help, but I can't do it anymore".
Such explanations often make people who understand the situation feel embarrassed and stop insisting on borrowing.
The second: tactfully refuse
Borrowing money is an art form in relationships, and a good lending relationship can satisfy both parties, but if it is not handled properly, it can destroy the original friendship.
When refusing to borrow, one should avoid being too blunt so as not to hurt the other person's self-esteem.
It can be said that:
"I don't have cash in hand, and my family is strict with my finances, so I need to discuss it with my family first."
Usually, a sensitive and intelligent person can hear your refusal intent from this kind of remark and will not continue to ask.
If the other person still asks, you can explain that although you can't borrow money directly, you can try to help him consult or raise some emergency funds.
With these methods, we can not only avoid direct money conflicts, but also maintain harmony in our relationships.
Third: Adopt procrastination strategies
Before deciding to borrow, we must carefully assess the character and creditworthiness of the other party.
When we think about lending money to others, we must accept the fact that:
Loaned money can be like water spilled and difficult to recover.
Once the money is actually needed to be recovered, we are likely to be labeled as equal, which can leave us disappointed and exhausted.
Therefore, if the other person is reluctant to borrow money because of the other person's bad character, we can use a strategy that means that it is inconvenient now and needs to delay for some time.
For example, it can be said that:
"What a coincidence, I recently lent money to someone else. Originally, I had some savings, but not long ago, a friend was in urgent need of money to buy a house, so I lent it to him. If you had told me earlier, I would have lent it to you. ”
Even if the subtext is understood by the other party, it is unlikely to cause displeasure because it takes into account the feelings of the other party and maintains the relationship between the two parties.
In the psychology of interpersonal relationships, there is a theory called "loss aversion",
This idea illustrates that people feel 2.5 times more pain when they lose something than they feel when they gain the same thing.
This instinctive psychological reaction explains why the phenomenon of "borrowing money is easy but hard to repay" is so common.
In addition, according to research by British psychologist George Loewenstein, borrowers tend to habitually underestimate what they owe.
Over time, they may even embellished the situation in their memories as if the borrower offered to lend them money.
This may sound unbelievable, but it's actually an instinctive function of the human brain to protect one's self-image.
The "congruity theory" proposed by Osborn and Tannenbaum further shows that
When people process memories related to interpersonal interactions, they tend to choose ways that are more beneficial to themselves as a way to protect themselves and improve their self-image.
In short, money is often the best tool to test human nature, and it can effectively reveal human nature.
However, if a friendship breaks down because of money issues, then it is a sign that the other person is not really a friend.
No matter how strong the relationship may seem on the surface, we should be extra careful when dealing with financial matters.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords: interpersonal relationships, psychology
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