Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
During this year's Qingming Festival, I went back to my hometown to worship my ancestors and sweep the tombs, during which my parents arranged a family gathering.
In small talk, the elders of the family began to discuss the situation of our generation.
They recalled that my grandparents had five children, and that all five of them had their own families, for a total of eight children, including me.
As the eldest sister of many grandchildren in my family, I am also 30 this year, and I have not considered having children for three years after marriage. My cousins and sisters of the same age were not even married, let alone dating.
Looking at our younger generations, most of them are also around 25 years old, and the problem of marriage and childbirth is even far away, and the youngest cousin even clearly told her parents that she would choose to live without children and did not want to have children.
As a result, our parents and elders began to criticize us, believing that our generation was indulgent and not only did not rush to start a family, but also did not even intend to have children.
The sixth aunt was even more fierce, she thought that our behavior was tantamount to trying to make the family end up with no children and grandchildren.
In the face of the criticism of our elders, we younger generations can only choose to remain silent.
Because we understand that the generation gap between us and our parents is no longer bridgeable.
We can understand their point of view, but they have difficulty accepting our choice.
According to the "Report on the Fertility Intentions of Chinese Young People", the number of "Dink families" who choose not to have children in mainland China has reached 600,000, and the annual growth rate is nearly 100,000.
Changes in social attitudes
In traditional Chinese culture, the primary purpose of marriage is to pass on the lineage, and the succession of family blood is usually done by a man.
However, from the point of view of modern society, this idea is considered a feudal remnant.
But in the labor-intensive ancient agrarian societies, succession did have its practical significance.
Since agricultural production is largely manual and men generally have an advantage in this area, men generally have a higher status than women, and men are more likely to inherit the family business.
In addition, the concept of family was very strong in ancient times, and a family was usually composed of members who were closely related by blood.
Under the influence of this strong family concept, the individual often seems insignificant, and all actions should be aimed at serving the family.
The family needs to have a successor, so the members of the family must work hard to accomplish this.
Not only that, the ancients also often had family business and property that needed to be inherited by descendants, and if there was a lack of heirs, it might lead to the family wealth being encroached upon by outsiders and the survival was threatened, which was a matter of life and death for the ancients.
However, modern society has changed dramatically.
In today's society, there is an emphasis on equality between men and women, there are many means of livelihood in addition to agriculture, and women can achieve economic independence and even be on a professional par with men.
This change has led to a gradual weakening of the concept of family succession.
In addition, in modern society, the influence of the concept of family is much less than before, and many young people choose to become independent from the big family and establish their own small family, no longer subject to the constraints of the big family.
Therefore, in this context, the patriarch of the extended family is no longer able to interfere as much in the private affairs of the younger family members as he used to.
The financial burden is too heavy
In addition to the influence of changing traditional attitudes, economic issues are also an important factor in the reluctance of young people to have children.
In today's society, involution is so severe that many young people struggle to even secure their basic livelihoods, let alone raise their children.
According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the pyramid of needs is based on people's basic survival needs, which are progressive.
Only after satisfying one's basic survival needs can people begin to think about improving other aspects of their lives.
According to research, the average cost of raising a child to the age of 17 is 485,000 yuan, not including the cost of college and graduate education.
In addition, if you want to have children, you must first fall in love and get married.
And marriage itself is a huge financial burden, you need to prepare a house, a car, a bride price, etc., these expenses add up to at least hundreds of thousands, and buying a house is only a down payment, and then you need to bear a loan for decades.
Therefore, many young people are not only reluctant to have children, but also because they dare not have children, fearing that they will not be able to bear such heavy economic pressure.
In social psychology, there is a concept known as "Social Exchange Theory".
This theory states that there is always some kind of exchange behavior in our social interactions, in which we need to pay a certain social cost in exchange for a corresponding social reward.
Often, when the costs of social exchange outweigh the returns, people abandon this type of exchange, and vice versa.
The influence of the family of origin
In addition, this generation of young people is particularly concerned about the influence of the family of origin.
In China, most children grow up under the stick and in a repressive education.
Influenced by traditional parental authority, many parents will intervene excessively in their children's lives, and even often use harsh words to belittle their children.
I have many friends who have decided not to have children because of their original families, and some of them have a negative attitude towards marriage and childbearing because their parents are divorced.
Others are unable to form a complete personality because they have been criticized by their parents since childhood, and they are unwilling to let their future children go through the same experience.
Influenced by Western thinking, the outlook on life of modern young people is very different from that of their predecessors.
Coupled with the awakening of self-awareness, many young people no longer dedicate their lives to their families and children.
For today's young people, personal happiness and development are the most important, and only when they live well can they have more resources and abilities to help others.
Whether it is marriage or childbearing, it is not a necessity for them to live, and they enjoy more choices in life.
Many parents try to use the old concept to persuade their children, but even if they do not consider the fact that the modern pension system is becoming more and more perfect, it is extremely unfair for their children to rely on the concept of raising children only by the older generation.
Children are independent individuals, not parents' tools for providing for the elderly. It is the responsibility of parents to bring their children into the world and raise them as adults.
In addition to this, parents should not interfere too much in their children's lives, and children have the right to decide their own direction in life.
Moreover, the reality in China also shows that many elderly people who raise children to prevent old age are actually unreliable, and many elderly people have children but no one to support them.
Therefore, we cannot simply blame the lack of filial piety for not wanting to have children, let alone measure the current reality with outdated traditional concepts.
To solve this problem, it is also necessary to fundamentally improve the reproductive environment and welfare of young people, and provide them with a sufficient sense of security, so that they dare and are willing to have the next generation.
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Key words in this article: fertility concept, psychology
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