My name is Zhang Xiufen, I am 67 years old, and I was a middle school Chinese teacher before I retired. I thought that by bidding farewell to the podium, I would be able to leisurely start the long-awaited life in my old age, but I never expected that a "big drama with grandchildren" quietly kicked off, which involved me in an unprecedented emotional storm and conceptual collision.
1. Sweet burden: the first taste of grandchildren
The son and daughter-in-law are working hard in the first-tier cities, and after the birth of their youngest grandson Doudou, they are facing huge work pressure and parenting problems. Seeing their exhausted appearance, I felt distressed, and resolutely decided to leave my leisurely retirement life and go to the city to take on the responsibility of taking care of Doudou.
The arrival of Doudou has injected endless fun into my ordinary retirement life. Every morning, I wake up with his immature laughter, change his diapers, make milk powder, babble with him, watch him wave his little hands and step on his calves, that innocence warms my heart. In the park, I pushed the stroller and exchanged parenting tips with other elderly people with grandchildren, as if I had regained the busyness and fulfillment of my youth.
However, behind the sweet picture, there are hidden waves.
Second, the older generation with a baby mode
When the beans are six months old, they start to add complementary foods. I follow the experience of the older generation and boil delicate rice cereal, served with egg yolk and carrot puree. However, her daughter-in-law Xiaomei has a lot of complaints about this, she advocates the Western "baby-led feeding", advocating that children grasp food by themselves and cultivate the ability to eat independently. Whenever I see Doudou's face covered with food scraps, I can't help but intervene and trigger a "feeding war".
Regarding children's sleep training, disease prevention and control, education and enlightenment, Xiaomei and I often have-for-tat views.
I am accustomed to using folk earthwork to deal with children's minor illnesses and pains, but she insists on seeking medical advice and following scientific advice. I tend to be strict in my discipline, and she is an advocate of encouraging education. Every clash of ideas is like Mars hitting the Earth, which makes me feel pressured.
3. Unspeakable suffering
The long-term and high-intensity childcare work, coupled with the frequent clashes of ideas, made me physically and mentally exhausted. During the day, I was preoccupied with taking care of Doudou, and at night I had to deal with sudden night milk and crying.
The long-term lack of sleep has raised my blood pressure and my physical strength is seriously overdrawn. What makes me even more chilling is that despite all my efforts, I often feel misunderstood and questioned. I began to wonder, is such a sacrifice worth it?
Fourth, communication adjustment
At a lecture on "intergenerational education" held by the community, experts pointed out that intergenerational parenting is not impossible, and the key is to clarify the role positioning, respect each other's parenting concepts, communicate in a timely manner, and seek consensus. This lecture was like a ray of light, illuminating my confused state of mind.
When I got home, I mustered up the courage to have an in-depth conversation with Mei. I said frankly: "Xiaomei, Mom knows that you have a lot of work pressure and is willing to help you share it. But I also hope you understand that I am a retired old man with limited energy and need to have a life of my own. Can we try to find a way that meets your needs and allows me to rest moderately?" Xiaomei's eyes were red after hearing this, and she held my hand tightly: "Mom, I'm sorry, I ignored your feelings. You are right, we should understand each other and work together for the growth of Doudou. ”
We started to adjust the mode with the baby. I am mainly responsible for basic care during the day, and Xiaomei uses her lunch break and after-work time to interact with Doudou and educate and guide.
On the weekends, the couple took care of their own children as much as possible, allowing me to breathe. In addition, they have hired professional parenting consultants to provide us with scientific parenting knowledge on a regular basis to help us bridge the perception gap.
5. Advice for retirees
Looking back on this tortuous journey of bringing grandchildren, I am deeply touched, and I have a few points of experience that I would like to encourage the majority of retired seniors:
1. Respect differences and embrace new knowledge: The times are evolving, and the concept of parenting is constantly being updated. We should respect our children's modern concept of parenting, and at the same time keep an open mind and actively learn new knowledge, so that "the past is used for the present, and the foreign is used for China".
2. Be clear about your boundaries and keep yourself: Retirement should not be completely occupied by grandchildren, we have the right to enjoy our hobbies, participate in social activities, and maintain our physical and mental health. "Let go" at the right time is not only a respect for one's own life, but also an encouragement for the growth of children.
3. Communicate effectively and resolve conflicts: When encountering parenting disagreements, do not hold them in your heart, and communicate with your children in a timely and peaceful manner to seek consensus. Good family relationships need to be maintained by everyone.
4. Reasonable division of labor and seeking support: Assist children in raising children within their ability, and encourage them to seek professional childcare services or support from relatives and friends to share the responsibility of childcare.
It is not to deny our dedication and love, but to remind us to look at this choice rationally, not only to understand the difficulties of our children, but also to respect our own lives.
Only by finding a balance between family members can we truly achieve the harmony and happiness of three generations in the same house, so that everyone can live their own wonderful life.