The world in the nightclub is always mysterious and disgusting to ordinary women, who will never understand how a woman can put down her dignity and scratch her head at a man, nor can she understand what kind of man will linger in a foot bath shop, nightclub and other places, knowing that those women still have feelings for them with a pair of jade arms and thousands of pillows.
I heard that those women who have lost their feet actually look down on customers, because they know very well that really good men don't come to them, and they don't look down on places like foot bath shops at all, and excellent men have their own interests and hobbies and will do serious things.
At first glance, this may sound reasonable, but the reality is not so simple.
The answer to this question depends on your definition of excellent.
If you define excellence as "not going to a foot bath shop and cleaning yourself", then you are right, a truly excellent man will not go.
If your definition of excellence has nothing to do with this, but refers to the worldly acceptance of standards such as high economic income, decent occupation, excellent academic qualifications, etc., then the answer is no, and the "excellent" men in the eyes of the world may not be able to resist temptations and challenges.
It's easy to get caught up in the aura of idealism, believing that those who are labeled good also have otherworldly lifestyles and values, so you'll think of a good man as insulated from a place like a foot bath shop. Do you think they should be career-minded, idealistic, and indulgent in noble hobbies...... When you think like this, you only have the superficial brilliance in your eyes, but you miss the deep and complex desires in people's hearts, which is the code that can really decipher human nature.
You've fallen into the trap of trying to measure a person's qualities by some kind of standard scale in order to predict the behavior of the other person. This in itself is unreasonable, and it is naturally impossible to deduce the correct answer.
The motivations behind doing something are complex and diverse, and everyone may be faced with a moral choice at some point in time, and they can all deviate from the right track at some stage of their lives, regardless of whether they are good or not, or even whether they are honest and upright.
If you want to find a man with a certain quality, you should use that quality as a criterion instead of another criterion. For example, if you want to find a man you can rely on, you should directly look for a man who is willing to become the breadwinner of the family, rather than checking whether the other party is filial to your parents; if you want to marry a man who is not easy to cheat, you must find someone who hates cheating, rather than someone who is not good at interacting with the opposite sex.
In the same way, if you want to find a man who won't go to a foot bath shop, you should go to someone who rejects this behavior, rather than expecting "good" men to be flawless and blameless in every area, or you will inevitably be disappointed.
You may be annoyed: can a man who goes to a foot bath shop have fun, can he still be called excellent? Your standards are too low!
No, this has nothing to do with personal standards, but the characteristics of excellence in the secular sense do not conflict with the characteristics of the target group of the foot bath shop, and it is not surprising that there is some overlap. Only by understanding this can you unravel the confusion in your mind.
01 What exactly does a man who goes to a foot bath shop want?
When you wonder if the technician at the foot bath shop hates men, the real question in your heart is: what are the men who go to the foot bath shop attracted to?
Your perception of the deal between a man and a technician is still stuck in sex and affection, because you don't understand what else they can get in a foot spa shop. But in fact, men ask for more things in this kind of place than you can imagine.
It's often not a specific person that attracts them, but the underlying meaning behind the whole act of buying a service:
01Instant gratification
In modern society, people are facing pressure and challenges in all aspects, and it is often a long process to achieve the results they want. Under this premise, the sex trade, which only needs to pay for a quick release and satisfaction, is particularly tempting for men.
When you want to propose marriage with your girlfriend or wife, a man always has to consider the mood of the other party, consider the timing and environment, consider the state of the relationship, and sometimes give gifts and accompany the prelude to the date, which may not make the man feel that his previous efforts have been wasted, but from the perspective of a woman, he is also wronged, who said that the end of the date must be to go to bed? If you really want to think so, you should say it early, and you can still choose whether to come out or not.
No one is wrong in these situations, and men can't blame anyone, so they can only digest the disappointment alone.
But in a scenario like a footbath parlor, men don't need to invest time and energy to establish or maintain an intimate relationship, and they can have a relaxed sexual experience and satisfy their desires instantly. For example, when you are thirsty, you can get a glass of water, and when you are hungry, you can get a bowl of rice, this kind of scene is undoubtedly very attractive.
02 Control and a sense of power
A healthy intimate relationship is always equal, and in ordinary normal relationships, a man cannot always have the upper hand, and even often is suppressed by his other half, yielding to the will of the other person.
My girlfriend was angry and had to coax myself, and my wife was dissatisfied and I had to figure out what I did wrong......
But in the transaction of the foot bath shop, as customers who pay money for services, they are undoubtedly in an absolute dominant position, at least on the surface, the other party has to obey his orders and commands, which greatly satisfies the lack of power and control of many men in their daily lives.
03 Evasion of responsibility
Whether it is a couple or a husband and wife relationship, men must be more or less prepared to take on the responsibilities of long-term relationships, deal with problems in the relationship, and clean up the mess if there are loopholes.
Transactional relationships, on the other hand, provide an experience of no commitment or emotional commitment, and the man is not responsible for the woman's fate no matter how many times he trades, which also makes the man feel at ease in escaping his responsibilities.
04 The realization of fantasy
Some men may have a strong interest in a particular sexual fantasy but are too shy to talk about it to their girlfriend or wife, or they may not be willing to cooperate with what they say.
But in places like footbath parlors, women who have a trading relationship with them do not have the right to refuse, and their preferences are not known to other people in life, and men are certainly more than happy to fulfill their fantasies in this way.
At this point, the source of pleasure lies in the ability to concretize one's inner desires and explore one's own preferences and preferences in an environment where there are no consequences.
05Confirmation of self-worth
For many men, trading at a foot bath shop is also a way to confirm their self-worth.
You may feel that you have to pay for sex, what is the charm and value of it? No, what they need is not real value, but to immerse themselves in the illusion of what they are buying.
In their thinking, all women are money worshippers, and they can be bought, and it is nothing more than a matter of how much money they spend. When they spend money and make transactions, they are constantly practicing their own logic, which makes him more convinced that he can use money to conquer women, and the failure outside of the foot bath shop is only because there is not enough money.
It's distorted and unhealthy, but it also gives them self-affirmation.
Now that you know what men want in a foot bath shop, you should understand why good men sink into it – and who would say that a man who has gained recognition in the world must not want this?
02 Excellent men can also be tired
Excellence in the secular sense is the affirmation from others, others can only see whether they fly high or not, but few people care whether they are tired of flying or not.
Excellent people are not born excellent, they always pay more effort and sweat than ordinary people on the road of struggle, they are also people, of course, they will feel tired because of this. At such times, their needs unconsciously overlap with the target audience of the foot bath shop.
Good men will also want to escape from reality. Excellence in the sense of secular judgment often puts forward quite high standards for people's careers and families, and excellent men have to make a career, have beautiful wives and well-behaved sons...... Did these fall out of thin air again?
They have to face challenges in their careers, but also to put in the energy of family management, even the best men can not always feel comfortable with this, if the career encounters setbacks or family conflicts, men will of course have the idea of escaping from the mess, such as having a spring supper with the woman in the foot bath shop, temporarily forget all the troubles. Of course, avoidance does not really solve their problems, but can lead to a psychological burden and a deeper sense of guilt, which makes them want to escape more, forming a vicious circle.
Good men also want instant thrill and satisfaction. They usually accumulate a lot of stress and anxiety, and usually need a quick way to vent their emotions, and the sex trade that can find excitement as long as they spend money naturally meets this standard.
Good men may not be good at managing relationships, and they may also encounter obstacles in establishing intimacy. Most of the evaluation criteria for excellent men are biased towards career, and no one will examine whether they have the ability to establish a healthy relationship with the opposite sex, and many successful men do not know how to interact with the opposite sex, how to harvest love and marriage.
They will use money to destroy obstacles in their careers, and naturally think of using money to buy out sexual needs and let the women in the foot bath shop serve themselves, instead of honing their abilities through normal relationships.
In these moments, the needs of a good man are no different from those who seek the solace of a foot bath shop, and under the label of excellence, it is nothing more than the tired heart of an ordinary man.
Good never means flawless, and if you have that expectation, you're bound to be disappointed in humanity.
Excellent men can also make mistakes and lose their direction at some point, but they can also recognize their mistakes and find their own path again through self-reflection and growth. Excellence is not a static label, but a dynamic and continuous development process.
In the long life, each of us will encounter temptation to a greater or lesser extent, exposing moments of vulnerability, so that we can correctly understand ourselves when we make choices, and then mend our own rifts.
The excellence of a person does not lie in pretending to be perfect, but in the courage to admit the imperfections of reality, get up again, and move on.
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This article was first published on the Zhihu platform: Chen Man, Wang Xiao, Zhang Yan
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