Have you ever heard of "The Language of Love?" The Language of Love comes from the American writer Gary Chapman, whose book "The Language of Love" has been a bestseller worldwide for more than 30 years. The book mentions how to manage a post-love relationship, and mentions five love languages, namely "words of affirmation", "thoughtful moments", "receiving gifts", "acts of service" and "physical contact".
After Gary proposed these five love languages, it also caused a quiz about love words to go viral on the Internet, and everyone flocked to find out which one of their "love languages" was. In fact, everyone needs every language of love, but the proportion of everyone's attention is different, and many times we don't love each other, but we don't know how to turn it into words and actions, so that the person who loves can feel loved. In this article, we will start from the "Five Words of Love" and share how they can be applied to partner communication.
1. Don't worry about words of thanks and affirmation
"Words of affirmation" are important in many situations, and when your partner puts in the effort for himself, no matter whether the result is good or bad, he should not ignore the good intentions and give gratitude and affirmation. For example, when the other half helps wash the dishes but breaks the bowl, don't be in a hurry to lose your temper, instead of being harsh, caring about whether the other party is hurt, and thanking the other party for being willing to do housework together can show more love. In addition, don't forget to give praise when the other person has achieved important achievements, and often give positive support, which will make people feel confident and fulfilled. On the other hand, failure to use "affirmative words" may lead to communication barriers, damage to the other person's self-esteem, etc.
Examples:
● Today's dinner is really delicious, thank you for cooking for me!
● Although you are very busy at work, I am grateful for the dedication you have always given to your family.
● It's not your fault that the results aren't as good as you should be, you've done your best.
2. Arrange elaborate moments for your life at the right time
Elaborate moments may seem a bit difficult to understand at first glance, but it's much easier to understand as "care". Sometimes lovers get along for a long time, and they will unconsciously become too much like "family", forgetting that relationships need to be managed for a long time. The busier your life is, the more you should set aside some time at the right time to arrange activities with each other, and during this time, you can focus on getting along without interference, but you can vent the accumulated emotions that you don't usually have the opportunity to say.
Otherwise, as the days go by, no matter how close the relationship is, after a long time, they will become people who don't know what to say, want to say something but don't know where to start, and the spiritual distance will become farther and farther away. If you find yourself and your partner start to have nothing to say, maybe what is missing is not necessarily love, but also careful momentary management!
Examples:
● Make an agreement not to slide your phone before going to bed every day, and talk well together
● When we have free time together, arrange walks, watch movies, and do handicrafts
● On birthdays or anniversaries, plan a romantic date or arrange a special event
3. Let the small gift add a little happiness to the relationship
Some people may think that "gift-giving" is like a gesture of favor and flattery, as if there must be some reason for it to be worth giving a gift to the other person. In daily life, according to the preferences and needs of the other party, appropriately adding gifts can not only show affection, but also deepen the relationship, making people feel that they are valued and cared for.
"Accepting gifts" can also be used in conjunction with the first "affirmative words", after a quarrel and reconciliation, attach an apology and apology, when the other party has achieved an achievement, offer congratulations and blessings, and when busy and tired, give comfort and cheer up small surprises, so that these small items can express "love" concretely, and everything will be much easier to communicate.
Examples:
● When you find that the other person is eager for something, you can discuss the purchase with him
● Observe whether there is any inconvenience in the other person's life and take the initiative to improve his troubles
● If you see something that the other party might like during the trip, give it to him as a surprise
4. Do it yourself in addition to saying it
"Acts of service" is the most tangible way to support each other and show love, and it is especially important for pragmatists, and it encompasses a wide range of things, such as sharing household chores together, listening to each other's worries, and supporting each other to do what they want to accomplish.
Many things are easier said than done. Neglecting to express through substantive actions for a long time is likely to cause imbalance in the other person's heart, and over time resentment. When the accumulation of dissatisfaction from countless small things accumulates more and more, communication will form a barrier, and it will also cause a situation of reluctance to speak. (Because there is no improvement after saying it)
Examples:
● Let your partner take a good vacation, and don't need to do housework or take care of children
● Care about the health of the other party and prepare appropriate maintenance and health care products
● Be willing to listen to what is happening recently, and be given enough freedom and independence
5. A hug that is worth a thousand words
Hugging is a popular act of physical contact for a significant number of people, showing intimacy without being too burdensome. A warm hug can often bring kindness to any action, all kinds of moments. Of course, everyone prefers different physical contacts, whether it's holding hands, hugging, kissing, sex, enough physical contact can build intimacy and connection, and it's not easy to feel lonely, neglected or uncared for psychologically.
If you have an inexplicable dispute with your partner recently, in addition to examining the incident itself, don't forget to recall that you haven't hugged each other for a long time recently, giving you a sense of security and intimacy?
Examples:
● When the other person is feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, gently wrap their arms around their shoulders
● When watching dramas at home, hook hands, put shoulders, and snuggle up to each other
● When taking a walk in the evening, take the initiative to hold the other person's hand
"Love" is something we have been learning and appreciating all our lives, it is very abstract, just a feeling, often makes people wonder, why do I love you, but we are constantly arguing? Why does he clearly say that he loves me, but I can't feel love? "The five languages of love" gives us another perspective to examine whether our words and deeds are consistent with our hearts, and the next time we encounter a situation where we can't communicate well with our other half, we might as well start with the language of love, first express love in the right way, and believe that the thorny problems in front of us can also be solved one by one.