The ancients said: "Open guns are easy to dodge, but hidden arrows are difficult to defend." ”
The harm that can be seen by us can be removed in time and taken precautions.
But there are a lot of harms that you can't see.
The most terrible thing is that some of the harms you always see, but you are used to it.
For a family, if it wants to be abolished, it is not outsiders who are eyeing it, but several people inside, who are all comfortable to be themselves, and cannot refuse the disadvantages of habit.
In the family, the father is very busy, the mother is very idle, and the child is very well-behaved, so it is necessary to change and avoid the scourge of "too much".
01
My father was too busy to take care of the family.
Take a look at Jia Zheng in "Dream of Red Mansions", he is the second master of Rongguo Mansion, who has been studying diligently, was awarded the title of director, and was later promoted to a foreign officer.
Because of his busy work, Jia Zheng did not discipline his son Jia Baoyu in place, let alone accompany him.
But Jia Zheng expected Baoyu to gain fame, so he forced Baoyu to study again and again, and when he was still out, he would leave homework for Baoyu.
Baoyu accepted the homework, but there was no supervision from her father, so she was lazy. also asked Lin Daiyu and others to help copy and write and do some fraudulent behaviors.
One day, Jia Zheng went home early and saw that in the study, Baoyu had not completed his homework, so he was furious: "If you mention the word 'school' again, even I will be ashamed." According to me, you are playing right. Carefully stand on my ground, and lean against my door. ”
Of course, Jia Zheng also picked up the guy and gave Baoyu a few clicks.
It is not difficult to find that Jia Zheng, who is constantly busy, has always supported the pillar of the big family, and he either doesn't care about his son, or teaches him a hard lesson.
In this family, Jia Zheng has paid a lot, but he can't do it. He didn't have good help and didn't have a schedule of his own.
Jia Lian in "Dream of Red Mansions" is also busy, but he is busy with several women, including Miss Heduo, Bao's second daughter-in-law, and Second Sister You, which leads to discord between husband and wife, and chickens and dogs jump at home.
For the family, the father is too busy, and there are three scourges.
First, the father will overdraw his body, and once it collapses, the family will have no pillars.
Second, the father will be absent from the child's education, so that the child will be less masculine and will not have a big pattern.
Third, the father is busy in the wrong direction, always doing things such as eating, drinking, prostituting and gambling, which will lead to the failure of the marriage, the lack of morality, and the shame of the family.
Busy every day, busy all the time, my father is tired, the family is weak, and no matter how rich he is, there is no hope.
02
Mother is idle, idle and bored.
The ancients said: "Young people cannot endure good times, middle-aged people cannot endure idle times, and old people cannot withstand adversity." ”
Being idle, this is the blessing of the elderly, how can the mother overdraw the blessing of the elderly when she is middle-aged?
We look at the food at home, and after a few days of idleness, it will turn bad and can only be poured out.
People also have similarities with meals.
Let's look at a fictional character: Pan Jinlian.
She is beautiful and married to Wu Dalang. When Wu Dalang came out of the stall, she was at home, and there was nothing to do, at most she washed her clothes.
When I was bored, I opened the window and was seen by Ximenqing. Since then, the wrong love has been triggered.
When Pan Jinlian killed Wu Dalang, she went to Ximen Qing's house, and her days were even more idle.
The bored Pan Jinlian got along with Ximenqing's son-in-law Chen Jingji.
Also, Pan Jinlian and Ximenqing's concubines, and the women outside, are all jealous, which leads to all kinds of disasters.
We have a curse saying: "Idlers are worried, lazy people are sick." ”
Women, don't forget, after getting married, you will become a mother, no longer a young and beautiful little princess.
If you don't learn to do housework and don't work properly, it will become a burden to the family, and you will be cranky and even vexatious.
There is no doubt that a woman who is too idle is not a virtuous helper in the family, nor is she a socially recognized person.
If we look at those stay-at-home wives, we will understand that they also have a very low position in the family.
Playing mahjong all day long, flirting in the community, reuniting with classmates, and shopping with girlfriends everywhere...... This makes men sad.
Once a woman gets used to staying at home and not going to work, then once the marriage fails, there is no way to reintegrate into society, and this life is ruined.
Romain Rolland said: "The heaviest burden in life is not work, but boredom." ”
Mothers can earn less money, but they can't make no money, they can do housework that is not exquisite, but they can't make the family unable to eat, and they can ask their parents-in-law to help take care of the baby, but they can't take care of everything themselves.
03
The child is very well-behaved and obedient.
Too many parents want to have a good child.
That is to say, what the parents arrange, the children do.
Children never contradict or disobey their parents.
It seems that a good child is great, but after a long time, you will find that the child has lost his own opinion, and it is impossible to be himself.
The writer Wang Anshi wrote about a child named Fang Zhongyong, who could write poems at a few years old, and later obeyed his father's arrangement and wrote poems everywhere to sell for money.
After a few years, the child will be wasted, poetry will not develop, and it will not be able to take the road of reading, and it will be even more impossible to make money.
In the TV series "The World", the honest and honest Zhou Bingkun quarreled with his father: "They were all born by a father and a mother, and I have no interest." ”
His father also used a sentence to gag his mouth: "Your brother and sister have studied well since childhood, what about you? Let you go to the university, can you be admitted?"
Career, marriage, life, nothing can be decided by ourselves, let us see the scourge of "being too well-behaved".
Child psychologist Jean Piaget said: "Many well-behaved children when they are young grow up with more general psychological problems, the reason is that they meet the wishes of others and obtain the approval of others to lead their lives......
Everything is subordinate to others, for fear of offending people, and if you don't dare to refute a word, you will lose your true self, and thus live in the shadow of others, suffering, and not seeing the sun.
04
Since the abolition of a family begins with turning a blind eye to "bad habits", then if we want the family to become better, we must also start with habits.
As a father, you must have a plan for work, control your desires, always have time to spend with your family, and give your children fatherly love. Father, always "learn to give yourself a proper vacation".
As a mother, it is best to find a job, integrate into society, and be able to take care of the family's three meals a day, take care of the children and the elderly, and support her husband.
As a child, be good at expressing your own demands and be a person with personality, but not arrogant and unreasonable. Of course, this also needs the help of parents, and it is based on the fact that parents can respect their children.
Writer Mark Twain once said, "A habit is hard to break, and no one can throw it out of the window, but coax it down the stairs step by step." ”
The family has always had the habit of reminding each other, actively communicating, and finding out hidden things and correcting them.
A family, living a moderate life, busy and efficient, idle, and well-behaved.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.