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I am an ordinary girl who has lived in a not-so-happy family since I was a child. My mother had great expectations for me, she wanted me to be an outstanding person, but her way was cruel.
Our family lives in a small remote town, with a father who is a manual laborer and a mother who manages the household at home. Although our family is not wealthy, we have a decent life. However, my mother's demands on me became higher and higher, and she believed that only through cruel means could I truly become a talent.
If there was the slightest mistake in the homework, she would scold me harshly and even hit me. Once, when I got only one question wrong on my math paper, she slapped me a few times and made me stand in the corner for an hour.
Due to my mother's strict discipline, I was withdrawn and introverted at school. My classmates laughed at me and called me a "weird girl".
"Hey, look, it's that weird girl again!"
"Why is she so strange, it must be the family who beat her like this, right?"
Some naughty boys would deliberately tease me, throw my books on the floor, or doodle on my desk. I would love to have a friend, but no one wants to approach me.
My mother was not only strict with my academic performance, but also strict with my daily life and behavior. She stipulated that I had to go to bed on time every day, and not a minute or a second of time; When eating, you should be upright and not make any sound; Walk lightly at home, for fear of annoying her.
"Xiaohong, it's already 9 o'clock, put me to bed right away! If you don't sleep again, I'll beat you!" That's what my mother always commanded me.
Once, when I accidentally knocked over a water glass, she slapped me hard and called me a "stupid clumsy girl".
In this way, under the strict discipline of my mother, I spent my childhood and adolescence. I began to feel very miserable, and my heart longed to be free. So after I went to high school, I began to rebel against my mother's discipline a little, such as secretly hanging out with my classmates and not completing my homework on time.
"Xiaohong, why are you so loose lately, and you don't write your homework? If you don't correct it, I'm going to punish you!" My mother noticed the change in me and warned me sternly.
"Mom, I've grown up, you can't discipline me like this all the time, can you? I plucked up the courage to respond.
At first, my mother would punish me severely, but gradually, she began to loosen her grip on me.
Perhaps because of my rebellion, my mother began to lose her mind, and her expectations of me seemed to have decreased. Sometimes, she would sit alone in the living room in a daze, her eyes glazed over, like a walking corpse.
"Mom, have you been doing anything lately? You don't seem to be in good shape. I asked her with concern.
She burst into a wild laugh that scared me and shut up.
"Hahaha, my heart? My heart is you, a white-eyed wolf, who has lived up to my affection and expectations!"
Seeing my mother's aging and trance-like appearance, I began to feel a little sympathetic to her. I realized that maybe she was so strict with me because she was so focused on my future and neglected my basic needs as a child. I began to try to take the initiative to communicate with her, ask her about her physical condition, and talk about some trivial matters.
"Mom, how are you doing? Do you want to go to the hospital for a check-up?"
"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Mother replied coldly.
Although she was still indifferent at times, she would sometimes be reluctant to strike up a few words with me. I hope that by understanding each other, we will be able to improve our relationship.
Just when I thought my mother was starting to change, something sad happened. One day, I had just returned home from the college entrance examination, and I wanted to share this joyful news with my mother. Unexpectedly, as soon as I entered the door, I saw my mother holding a kitchen knife and standing in the living room with a hideous expression, as if waiting for someone.
"Mom, what's wrong with you?" I was taken aback.
She suddenly pounced like crazy, pointed a kitchen knife at my neck, and said through gritted teeth: "You unworthy girl! How dare you betray my expectations! I will kill you!"
I was so frightened that I quickly turned around and ran. My mother chased me like a mad dog with a kitchen knife and slashed everywhere, smashing things into a mess.
"Mom, calm down, I didn't do anything wrong!" I cried and begged for mercy as I ran.
My mother turned a deaf ear, her eyes like she was crazy, and she just wanted to kill me. I struggled to get out of my house and ran for my life in the streets. My mother chased after me without giving up, cursing loudly at me. Fortunately, a kind passerby stopped her in time and rescued me. I was covered in scars all over my body, and I hid in an alley shivering, afraid that my mother would come after me and hurt me.
Police and ambulances quickly arrived at the scene. The mother was held down by several strong men, and she was still roaring loudly and foaming at the mouth, like a mad dog.
"You guys wait and see, I'm going to kill that damn daughter sooner or later!"
The doctor in the ambulance gave her a tranquilizer, and she gradually calmed down. After the police inquired about our situation, they decided to take my mother away for treatment first. Before leaving, I saw my mother's helpless eyes, and my heart was mixed. I knew that the nightmares of her life were to blame me, and that her precious youth was buried.
After my mother was taken away, I temporarily stayed with a distant relative. I began to try to start my life again, but the shadow of my mother was everywhere. I often dream of her chasing me with a kitchen knife, and I wake up in a cold sweat.
"Xiaohong, are you having nightmares again?" Every time I woke up, I saw my relatives looking at me sympathetically.
"Yes, I still can't forget what happened that day. Is Mom really crazy, how could she do that to me?" I cried and told of the pain in my heart.
I am grateful for the care of my relatives, but I know that sooner or later I will have to live independently. So after filling out the university application, I started to work to earn money, and after saving enough tuition and living expenses, I left the town and went to study in an unfamiliar city.
During my college years, I lived a relatively liberal life. I made many new friends, all of whom were friendly and welcoming, and never laughed at my weirdness. My life finally has laughter and sunshine.
"Hey, Xiaohong, let's go to the movies tonight, right?"
"Well, I've been looking for someone to relax with lately. "
Gradually, I began to forget about the gloom of the past and enjoy my university life to the fullest. Occasionally, I still dream of my mother, but it's no longer a nightmare, it's a sentimental memory.
After graduating, I worked for a foreign company. With a steady income, I began to reflect on my past with my mother. I realized that although my mother was cruel back then, she had good intentions and just took the wrong path.
"If I had a child, I wouldn't have made the same mistakes as my mother. I will teach her in a more humane way, giving her enough love and freedom. "I made up my mind in my heart.
To make up for the guilt, I started giving a portion of my salary every month to the hospital where my mother was being treated, hoping that she would be well cared for.
In this way, time flies, and it is a few years later. One day, I received a letter from the hospital saying that my mother's condition was stable and she could be discharged, but she was old and needed the care of our children.
After much consideration, I finally decided to take my mother home to live. She's old, and she shouldn't be the same anymore. More importantly, I want to use my tolerance and love to heal the wounds in her heart.
When my mother stepped through my door, she looked so old and helpless. Her eyes were full of guilt and self-blame, and she seemed to have realized her mistakes back then.
"Mom, welcome home. I hugged her, tears welling up in my eyes, "From now on, we'll start all over again, okay?"
Mother nodded wordlessly, and finally, she was relieved.
Since then, I have taken care of my mother's daily life. Sometimes, she is as well-behaved and obedient as a child; Sometimes, she is as stubborn and willful as she used to be. But I was able to be patient and didn't resent her.
Slowly, my mother's health deteriorated, and she began to talk nonsense from time to time. But I was always able to be considerate of her and forgive her. Finally, on a sunny day, my mother passed away peacefully. Before she died, she used her last strength to say "thank you" to me.
In this way, my entanglement with my mother finally came to an end. She did a lot of things wrong, but we eventually forgave each other. No one is perfect in life, and it is important to be forgiving. I hope that my mother's spirit in heaven will be relieved and that she will no longer have to carry the burden of guilt.
There is still a long way to go in life, and I will continue to move forward and embrace the wider sky. Although my mother passed away, her figure will remain in my heart forever and become my strength to move forward.
After my mother passed away, I began to reflect on my life path. I realized that I had been pursuing career success and neglected other aspects of my life. So, I quit my high-paying job and started trying to live a new way of life.
"Ah, I harvested a lot of tomatoes and cucumbers today. "I happily put fresh produce in the basket.
I also started experimenting with various crafts, such as weaving, carving, etc. Sometimes, I would take my creations to the town's handmade market to sell.
"This lady, look at this new ceramic vase I made, it's beautiful, right?" I enthusiastically pitched my work to a passerby.
Gradually, I began to like this simple and comfortable life. Instead of being bound by money and fame, I began to use my own hands to get close to nature and create beautiful things.
And just like that, time passed quietly. In the blink of an eye, I've been living in this town for more than five years. My life is full of sound and color, and every day is full.
Sometimes, I think of my mother's strict demands on me. If I had really become a successful white-collar worker as she had hoped, would I have been happy? I began to wonder if my mother's actions back then were just a kind of paranoia and obsession, and could not bring real happiness.
In contrast, I now live a free life, where I am close to nature and create beauty every day. I have found the meaning and joy of life, which is the greatest happiness in life.
Even the people around me began to envy my lifestyle. A lot of people come to me to buy my handicrafts or ask me about gardening.
"Xiaohong, your life is really desirable. How did you manage to be so happy?"
I smiled and said, "Happiness is actually very simple, as long as you have a free heart and are willing to use your hands to get close to nature and create beauty." "
Gradually, I began to forgive not only my mother, but also all the imperfections in the world. I've realized that everyone grows up in tears and struggles, and everyone makes mistakes. It is important to have a tolerant heart to understand and tolerate the flaws of others.
"Hey, Xiaohong, how are you doing?" One day, a classmate who used to laugh at me suddenly found me.
"Very well, you see how comfortable I am living now. I said with a smile.
"yes, I was so stupid to laugh at you. You're happier than I am. The man bowed his head in shame.
"It's okay, that's all in the past. It is important that we learn to be tolerant and forgiving. I patted him on the shoulder and said calmly.
Since then, more and more people have been drawn to my lifestyle. They came to me for advice, hoping to live the same life as me. I always patiently answer their doubts and encourage them to be brave enough to pursue their ideal life.
Just recently, I adopted a little girl. Her parents were killed in a car accident, leaving her alone. After hearing the news, I didn't hesitate to take her home.
"In the future, live with my aunt, I will take good care of you. I held the little girl tightly in my arms and tears welled up in my eyes.
I decided to pass on my mother's deep affection for me, but never repeat her mistakes. I will teach this little girl in the most tolerant and humane way possible, so that she can grow up freely.
I named her "Little Lotus", which means that the mud will not be stained, and one day it will bloom into brilliant flowers.
And so, in this small town, I started a new journey in my life. I will create beauty with my hands, tolerate the imperfections of the world with tolerance, and pass on a piece of my mother's legacy.
I believe that one day, when Xiaohe grows up, she will be grateful for my education. At that time, she will be able to live a free and happy life, no longer bound by anyone's expectations. Let this tolerant heart be passed on from generation to generation and light up the life path of more people.