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How did I get to this point of no return? I began to reflect on my marriage and my love life. Husband Zhang Wei is a traditional man, hardworking and responsible for the family, but he is a little wooden and cold in terms of feelings. We have been married for 10 years and he rarely has any intimate words and actions with me. My lover Li Jun is completely different, he is passionate and romantic, always says some sweet love words, and gives me a lot of love and warmth.
"Honey, you're working hard today, come, let me massage you. "Every time we met, Li Jun would say this, and then carefully beat my shoulder to soothe my fatigue.
"Meimei, you are my little sweetheart, the person I love the most. "He always said to me so affectionately.
On an ordinary working day, I came to the office on time, turned on my computer, and started working on the routine paperwork of the day. At noon, a few colleagues would meet up to eat at a nearby restaurant. We chatted about each other, and the topics were nothing more than work, family, social current affairs, and so on.
"Li Mei, have you lost some weight recently?" Aunt Zhang, a senior staff member, looked at me with interest.
"Maybe it's because I've been tired from work lately. I replied with a smile.
"That's not going to work, you have to take care of yourself. She said earnestly.
How would she react if she found out about my cheating? I couldn't help but laugh at myself inwardly.
After work, I went home as usual. My husband Zhang Wei is already at home, he works in a state-owned enterprise, and his commute time is slightly earlier than mine.
"You're back. He said without looking up.
"Well, I'm back. I answered and began to prepare dinner.
After dinner, Zhang Wei sat on the sofa and watched the TV news, immersed in his own world. I sat on the sidelines, bored scrolling through my phone. That's how we live most of the time, cold, with little communication. Occasionally, I can't help but think of Li Jun's gentle appearance, and my heart itches.
How did I get acquainted with Li Jun? It goes back to a party member activity day a year ago. On that day, the company organized a walking outing, and I was in a group with several other employees.
"Hello everyone, my name is Li Jun, and I am from the sales department. It's a pleasure to meet you. "While hiking, Li Jun took the initiative to introduce himself to our group. At first, I didn't have much special feelings about this lively and cheerful young man.
However, during the hike, Li Jun kept talking to us enthusiastically. He speaks with a sense of humor and is easy to get close to. We talked about work, life, and even some interesting social topics.
"Li Mei, what you say is so reasonable! I completely agree with your point of view. Li Jun patted me approvingly on the shoulder.
At that moment, my heart was pounding, and a strange feeling that I had never felt before. Li Jun's passionate eyes were like a flame that ignited the most simple desire in my heart.
After the hike, I kept in touch with Li Jun. What started as a small talk on WeChat turned into an unexpected tryst. We will meet in some safe place, such as a private club, a love hotel, etc.
Every time we meet, Li Jun will give me meticulous care. He would order me a glass of wine and savor it.
"Honey, you've had a hard day, let me relax for you. "He would give me a shoulder and neck massage skillfully, and his gentle strokes would relax my whole body.
"Baby, you're so beautiful today. "Li Jun always complimented me like this and kissed me on the cheek.
I knew it was wrong, but who could refuse such warmth? We began to see each other frequently in private, and my heart melted with his enthusiasm. Only in Li Jun's arms did I feel unprecedented happiness and satisfaction.
Such days lasted for more than a year, until one day, her husband Zhang Wei found some clues.
"Why do you come home so late lately, and you've been drinking a lot outside?" Zhang Wei suddenly interrogated me.
"I'm so busy at work, sometimes I work late overtime. I forced a calm explanation.
"But you smell of alcohol and have a record of opening rooms in hotels lately. Zhang Wei took out his mobile phone and pointed to me to show me the consumption records on it, "Are you cheating?"
I was so blunt with suspicion that I was too scared to speak. Zhang Wei's eyes were like a sharp sword, piercing my heart.
"What the hell are you doing out there? Give me an explanation!" Zhang Wei roared angrily and slammed a cup hard.
I looked at the debris on the ground and tears welled up in my eyes. Yes, I cheated, I betrayed him. But how do I speak? For a moment, I was in pain and entanglement like never before.
Under Zhang Wei's repeated questioning, I finally admitted my relationship with Li Jun. I fell on my knees, wept bitterly, and begged for his forgiveness.
I confided in Zhang Wei everything in the past year. As I spoke, I couldn't stop crying, I knew I was wrong, and I broke the heart of this man who had always loved me deeply.
Zhang Wei's face was pale, his fists clenched tightly, and I could feel his indescribable anger and disappointment. He shook off my hand and strode out without even saying a word.
I began to think back to some of the recent signs: small changes in my body, abnormal cycles, etc., which had never been taken seriously. And now, the existence of this child has put me in an unprecedented predicament.
I'm not sure if the child's father is Zhang Wei or Li Jun. If it is Zhang Wei's child, maybe our marriage still has a chance to be saved; But if it's Li Jun's, then my extramarital affair is even more ridiculous.
I stayed up all night, thinking over and over this difficult choice. Do I continue to hide it, or do I face the reality?
How do I ask them for these things? I can't imagine the catastrophic consequences that would happen when things were fully exposed. I began to regret my decision and wandered around the hospital in agony.
"Do you have any troubles, do you want to talk to me?" An enthusiastic nurse sister came up to me and asked me with concern.
Looking at her sincere eyes, I finally couldn't help crying bitterly and told her all the things that happened this year.
The nurse sister listened quietly to what I had to say, and then patted me on the shoulder solemnly: "Who is the father of the child, although it is important, but more importantly, do you want the child? Do you have the courage to take on the responsibility of a mother?"
I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant, but not sure if it was my husband or my lover's child. This has undoubtedly made my situation worse. On the one hand, I feel guilty for hurting my husband, who loves me deeply; On the other hand, I am also a little reluctant to have a lingering relationship with my lover Li Jun. Now, an innocent life is about to come into the world, and I can't tell who its father is.
I was in a predicament like never before, and I was conflicted. The thought that the child in my belly might be Li Jun's flesh and blood filled me with joy; But when I think about it, if it was Zhang Wei's child, I would feel guilty again. I weighed the pros and cons and finally made up my mind not to tell anyone about my pregnancy for the time being.
For Zhang Wei, I chose to be silent. Every day he left the house with an angry look on his face, and sometimes he didn't return all night. I know he's disappointed in me right now, but I can't bear to blow him another blow at this time.
As for Li Jun, I didn't tell him the news either. I was afraid that if I let him know about the pregnancy, he might force me to break up with my husband completely. However, there is still a glimmer of hope in my heart that this marriage can be saved.
In this way, I spent three long months alone at home in silence. My belly is getting bigger and bigger, and my anxiety is getting bigger and bigger. A few times, I even dreamed of a baby budding, but its appearance was always blurry.
These days, I often sit alone on the balcony and look out the window at the street scene. If in the past I was only attracted by his sense of responsibility and tenacity, now I sincerely admire his tolerance and tolerance.
However, Li Jun gave me too much warmth and love. That feeling of intimacy is something I have always desired in my marriage but have not been able to get. He was passionate and unrestrained, and regarded me as the most precious woman in the whole world; And Zhang Wei is too rational and calm, and rarely expresses his feelings.
After a few sleepless nights, I finally made up my mind to continue this marriage. I love Zhang Wei deeply, and I sincerely hope that this child is his flesh and blood. Even if it's really not, I hope Zhang Wei can forgive me and give us a fresh start.
I called Li Jun and asked him to meet him at a café. Seeing his sunny smiling face, my heart still hurts.
"Li Jun, the matter between us, let's end here. "I got straight to the point.
"What? What did you say?" Li Jun showed a look of disbelief, "Are you pregnant?"
I nodded, tears streaming down my face.
"Well, well, in that case, go live your life!" Li Jun slammed the door and left, and we ended our emotional entanglement for more than a year.
Back home, I plucked up the courage and confessed to Zhang Wei the fact that I was pregnant. Unexpectedly, Zhang Wei did not get angry, but silently shed tears.
Zhang Wei hugged me tightly: "It's okay, this child, just think it's our child." From now on, I will take good care of your mother and son. "
In this way, after a painful decision, I finally chose to forgive. I decided to spend the rest of my life to make up for the damage I had caused Zhang Wei.
In this way, after some twists and turns, I chose to continue this marriage for the sake of this soon-to-be-born child. Although I can't be sure who its father is, it has become all my hope and persistence.
In the late stages of pregnancy, I began to work hard to regain my relationship with Zhang Wei. We are like a couple who are in love again, I try to be considerate of his every little habit, and he becomes more considerate.
"Meimei, do you have any special appetite lately? I'll buy it for you. "Zhang Wei will take the initiative to care about me like this.
"Nothing special, just want to eat some sweet and sour fruit. I replied with a smile.
So Zhang Wei would go to the supermarket to buy me all kinds of seasonal fruits, and also cut them for me intimately. Sometimes I would suddenly want to eat a certain food, and he would buy it for me immediately.
Looking at Zhang Wei's filial piety, my guilt began to surge again. I have been so guilty of hurting this man who loves me so much, and yet he still tolerates me so forgivingly.
Just when my self-blame was nearing its peak, the child in my belly suddenly kicked me, and the lively little feet undoubtedly gave me great comfort. Yes, this kid is my best hope at the moment. No matter whose child it is in the future, I will do my best to care for it and make up for the regrets of its birth with my love.
In the last month of pregnancy, we begin to make various preparations for the arrival of the baby. Zhang Wei personally arranged a warm baby room and bought a lot of beautiful baby products. Looking at all this, my heart is relieved like never before.
"She's so pretty, just like you. Zhang Wei said excitedly, tears rolling in his eyes.
I looked at this angelic child, and her arrival gave me strength like never before. I swear that no matter whose child she is in the future, I will do my best to love her and let her grow up happily.
From that moment on, it seemed as if I had completely let go of the burden on my heart. I began to devote myself wholeheartedly to this new family, doing my best to compensate Zhang Wei and give birth to this new life with selfless love.
The days passed like this, and my daughter grew up under the care of our husband and wife. Sometimes I would secretly look at her appearance, looking for the shadow of Li Jun on her. But soon, I'll be putting aside these superfluous thoughts and focusing on my life in the moment.
When my daughter was three years old, Zhang Wei suddenly said to me one day: "Meimei, whether this child is my biological daughter in the future or not, in my mind, she is my most beloved flesh and blood." From now on, we'll treat her as our biological child, okay?"
I nodded, tears streaming down my face. Yes, this child is everything we have as a family of three, and she is our common hope and future. I will spend the rest of my life loving her well, making up for the mistakes of the year, and living the most ordinary life of ordinary people.
And so, on an ordinary afternoon, I sat on the balcony of my home and quietly watched my daughter play in the garden. Her figure was like an angel, dispelling the last haze in my heart.
I took a deep breath, my heart filled with relief and joy. Yes, this is the life I desire the most, ordinary and happy. I will use all my love to take care of this family and make up for the damage I once gave Zhang Wei. From now on, we will start all over again and embrace a new life together.