There is a question on the Internet:
"Why is there always so much kindness in the world that is let down?"
One of the high praisers replied:
"Because of the true feelings between people, many times they are defeated by the three words 'I think'. ”
I think so.
We think that if we don't take everything seriously, we can exchange it for the other party's sincerity;
I thought that I could be tolerant enough to reap a piece of gratitude.
But reality always backfires.
If kindness is too much, it will only be let down;
If kindness is excessive, it will eventually hurt itself.
In the second half of life, the best way to love yourself is not to be a soft-hearted "god".
Soft-heartedness without a bottom line is a disease
Kazuo Inamori once said:
"There are four major problems that people must get rid of:
Easy to dig out the heart and lungs, soft-heartedness without a bottom line, forbearance of mistakes again and again, and kindness without principles. ”
In a complex society, we must not only let goodness blossom, but also let it grow thorns.
Because people's hearts are unpredictable, not all people are worthy of our sincerity.
In life, you must not be too soft-hearted, otherwise you will definitely suffer the loss.
In the TV series "Ode to Joy", Fan Shengmei thinks about her family everywhere, and pays for her family without a bottom line, but in the end, not only did she not get the understanding, support and distress of her family, but was chased by her mother and scolded for having no conscience.
Her father was paralyzed in bed because of illness, and her mother was an unreasonable, patriarchal rural woman who only knew that she felt sorry for her son, but not for her daughter.
Her brother is young and strong, but under the favor of his mother, he is blindly lazy and unwilling to go out to work.
The family's food and drink all rely on Fan Shengmei's relief.
My brother wanted to buy a house in the county, and the family pooled money to pay a down payment for my brother.
But because she didn't have a job, her mother asked Fan Shengmei to pay.
In addition to the mortgage, she is also responsible for the daily expenses of her parents, her brother, and her brother's children.
After paying his salary every month, he had to pay his mother first, and then pay off his brother's mortgage.
The rest of the money is their own.
This is why compared with Yingying and Guan Guan, Fan Shengmei earns the most, but she is the one who is the most scathing in life.
In order to save money, although she is a beauty lover and has a lot of beautiful clothes, she rented the one in the three rooms without a bathroom, no wardrobe, no balcony, just because it was cheap.
was ostracized and ridiculed by her colleagues in the company, and she always swallowed her anger.
Because of the drag of her original family, she didn't dare to lose her job, change jobs, or get sick.
Occasionally, if you are late for money, you will be taught a lesson by your mother.
Later, because of family matters, she argued with her mother, but her mother pointed at her nose and scolded her:
He has no conscience, he only cares about himself, and he is very selfish.
The original family with no bottom line is like a parasitic flower, which binds her fiercely.
There is a classic line in the movie "The Blacklist":
"The reason why others dare to do bad things to you is because you make people feel that they can do bad things to you without paying any price. ”
Bottomless forbearance will only fuel the greed and selfishness of the other party.
Instead of digging out the good of others and letting the bad people learn to make inches, it is better to put away their kindness and let the goodness grow sharp.
For the rest of your life, please put away your "soft-heartedness", don't spoil others and wronged yourself.
"Soft-heartedness" that does not know how to refuse will ruin yourself
I saw a sentence:
"The reason why people sometimes live a tired life is not because they can't satisfy themselves, but because they don't know how to reject others. ”
People who don't know how to refuse will not only not get the gratitude of others, but also easily add to their own blockage and be physically and mentally exhausted.
Really smart people know how to refuse.
Because they know that happiness lies only in the comfort of their hearts.
Be kind to yourself and start by saying "no" boldly.
In the TV series "Female Psychologist", Mo Yu is a "bad good person".
He constantly sacrificed his own interests in exchange for the respect and love of others, but because of this, he ruined his own future.
Mo Yu is not the backbone of the company's business, he has no outstanding ability, and he is afraid of being isolated by his colleagues.
In order to integrate into the collective, I do not refuse all kinds of requests from my colleagues.
I haven't finished my work yet, but I have to find time to help my colleagues make plans;
He was already on his way home and received a message from a colleague, and he would immediately go back to the company to work overtime to help his colleague make PPT;
Colleagues used his work results to ask the leader for credit, and he didn't have any rebuttals, and after a long time, colleagues thought that Mo Yu was a "tool man" who was easy to talk about.
They said behind their backs that Mo Yu was stupid and stupid, and they were grinding and chirping, and they were even more intensified to "call" Mo Yu.
New colleagues are onboarded, and all colleagues are invited to dinner.
Mo Yu, who officially received the invitation for the first time, was very happy and deliberately went to the barber shop to get his hair done after work.
Full of anticipation, but when I saw the empty room, it was gone.
It turned out that his colleagues had changed the location temporarily, but no one informed him.
Mo Yu thought that maybe he was not good enough, so he specially bought milk tea and distributed it to his colleagues the next day, lying that he didn't go yesterday, trying to integrate into the group again.
Colleagues looked at Mo Yu's clumsy acting skills, and they intensified their isolation of Mo Yu.
No matter how hard Mo Yu tried, he was not recognized by his colleagues.
After being isolated for a long time, he couldn't carry out his work normally, and Mo Yu finally had no choice but to leave.
Writer Bi Shumin once said:
"If we don't know how to say no, we won't hurt others, but we hurt someone who is closer to us, and that's ourselves. ”
If the person who comes does not refuse, it will only make the other party feel taken for granted;
If you give too much, you will only encourage others to consume yourself.
Instead of trying your best to please the unworthy, take care of your feelings first.
In the face of things you don't like and unreasonable demands, you must resolutely say "no".
Truly wise people know how to put their lives at the top and focus on themselves, and the world will love you.
Blindly conniving soft-heartedness is a disaster
As the old saying goes:
"A gentleman must be tolerant. ”
People who don't know how to tolerate will only make people stay away, but if they are overly tolerant, they may turn into connivance.
If everything is excessive, it will only make others gain an inch;
Blindly conniving, in exchange for harm and rebellion.
There is such a news item on the Internet:
Netizen Xiao Wang and her husband are ordinary people.
Xiao Wang opened a clothing store, her husband did a small business, and the two had a son after marriage.
Because it is not easy for the two to have a son, they have been obedient to their son since he was a child and loved him very much.
After graduating from college, my son is reluctant to find a job and has nothing to do at home every day.
Every time the husband and wife persuaded their son to go out to find a job, he had to be yelled at by his son.
When you are in a hurry, you will not only pick up things and smash them, but also punch and kick your parents.
Later, when he learned that some of his classmates had studied abroad, his son told his parents that he still wanted to continue his studies and wanted to study abroad.
Originally, my son sighed at home every day, hiding in the house and only knowing how to play games.
finally saw that his son was determined to cheer up and go out to study, as a parent, he naturally agreed with both hands.
So, Xiao Wang and her husband took out all their family savings to send their son to study abroad.
But the good times didn't last long, because of the special period, business was not good, and their clothing store also lost a lot of money, so the couple had to look for jobs again.
In order to support their son's tuition, the couple was not allowed to work two jobs.
But the son who studied abroad not only did not understand the hard work of his parents to make money, but spent it lavishly.
Even still skipping class to play games in the dormitory.
Even as long as the parents send money a few days later, it will cause a lot of complaints.
During the summer vacation, Xiao Wang had to suspend his studies with his son due to family financial reasons.
As a result, the son not only did not understand the difficulties of his parents, but only thought that his comfortable life of studying abroad would be forced to stop.
In a fit of rage, he stabbed his mother with a knife.
Fortunately, the mother was not life-threatening after being rescued, and the son was sentenced for intentional injury.
There is a good saying:
"Connivance is when you accept that others make mistakes over and over again. ”
Being too good may also be a poison for others.
Over time, it may induce the other party's badness.
People should not blindly indulge in getting along with others, everyone has their own life lessons to complete.
People live for a lifetime, and no one can replace anyone.
Don't carry other people's homework on yourself, and move forward with a heavy load, which may harm others and yourself.
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Ji Xianlin wrote in the book "Ji Xianlin Talks about Life":
"Being able to think about others 60 percent and 40 percent for himself is a good person who passes. ”
Everything has a degree, and too much is not enough.
Know how to leave a little leeway for yourself, don't be a soft-hearted "god", and focus on cultivation and self-management.
Only when you have a bottom line in doing things can you have the energy to take care of your own life;
Only when there is a scale for paying can we have the spare strength to focus on improving ourselves;
Only by being ruthless and not conniving can we prevent those who are insatiable.
The rest of our lives are expensive, and by keeping our time and energy to ourselves, we can live our own peaceful lives.