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The article is a little long, but it's all dry goods, please be patient and read it [thank you] [thank you] [thank you]
In this era when talking about the culture of the ancestors is easy to be labeled as "feudal superstition and feudal dross",
It still takes a little courage to talk about "three from four virtues", please be patient with all friends, rational and civilized spray people [thank you] [thank you] [cover your face]
Many people may not know that the "Three Obedience and Four Virtues" was proposed by a woman, who was the head of the four talented women in ancient China, Ban Zhao in the Eastern Han Dynasty.
Banzhao data map, invaded and deleted
Ban Zhao was a historian, writer, politician, mathematician, and astronomer. His brother Ban Gu died unfinished writing the Book of Han, and was later continued by his sister Ban Zhao.
Such a knowledgeable and knowledgeable woman proposed that the "three obedience and four virtues" was by no means a scourge to women, but was later misinterpreted and used.
The wife poured boiling water on her husband's head
On April 16, a video of "a wife pouring boiling water on her husband's head" caused widespread discussion among netizens.
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It can be seen from the video that the woman calmly waited until the water boiled before pouring it on her husband's head and face, when her husband was defenseless and instinctively raised his hand to cover it, and his head, face, and hands were burned. Due to severe burns, her husband also needed a skin graft.
According to a friend of her husband's:
Her husband is very good at earning money (from the furnishings in his home, it can also be seen that the family conditions are good), but the woman is a "brother demon", and her husband spends almost 1 million yuan on his brother-in-law.
But the woman was still not satisfied, and the woman wanted to buy a house for her brother-in-law that day, but her husband did not agree, so the above scene happened.
The husband wanted to divorce and completely broke with the woman, so he posted the video on the Internet.
Photo provided by netizens
Families need centripetal force
The family is the smallest, most basic and most important basic unit of society, and when all families are harmonious, the society will be much more harmonious.
The relationship between husband and wife is one of the most important relationships in the family relationship, the relationship between husband and wife is connected to the inside and outside, and the stability of the relationship between husband and wife is related to family harmony and stability.
But in recent years, all kinds of poisonous chicken soup have been poured so that some women can't find the north, which not only harms others, but also harms themselves.
It is human nature for brothers and sisters, relatives and friends, to lend a helping hand when necessary.
However, "saving the emergency does not help the poor, saving the diligence does not save the lazy", it is better to teach people to fish than to teach them to fish.
If you want to help your relatives continuously and in large quantities, it will inevitably affect your own family and even destroy family relationships.
A family needs to think in one place and work hard in one place in order to be harmonious and happy, obviously this woman's family is not happy!
The three virtues are misinterpreted, and the three virtues are actually to protect women.
In the encyclopedia entry, the three obedience and four virtues are criticized as one of the moral standards that bound and oppressed women in ancient Chinese feudal etiquette and religion.
Encyclopedia screenshot
The three from the four virtues have been misinterpreted before, and they are still being misinterpreted.
Let's see what the three from the four virtues say?
From Confucius's "Etiquette and Mourning Clothes", the three congregations are "unmarried from the father, married from the husband, and the husband from the son".
From Zhou Gong's "Zhou Li: Tianguan", that is, "women's virtue, women's words, women's appearance, women's merit" (women's morality, rhetoric, manners, women's red gōng)
The full concept was proposed by Ban Zhao.
Based on the current social chaos, the author has a different view on the three obedience and four virtues.
The three subordinates ("from" should be understood as following, following, rather than obeying) reflect the development plan of a woman's life.
Unmarried Father:
Girls, when they are not married, follow their fathers. The father will not teach and nurture his daughter well because she will marry in the future and become a member of someone else's family. The daughter will not despise her father and be unruly because she is going to marry in the future.
Married to a husband:
When a woman marries, she follows her husband. At this time, the woman has her own family, is the core member of the new family, and should run the house with her husband, honor the elders, and educate the young. If you don't forget your love for the original family, it will be difficult for you to integrate into the new family if you are in Cao Ying, and it will affect your happiness.
Why did the ancients say, "The woman who marries out spills the water?" A woman who is married during the Chinese New Year cannot stay in her mother's house. This is not the ruthlessness of the parents, but to protect their daughter, so that she can completely integrate into the new family and run her own family well.
Husband and Son:
This is also crucial, after the death of the husband, the husband can no longer protect his wife, and the son must assume the obligation of support. Make sure your mother has no worries for the rest of her life. In a sense, this is a constraint on the son, and no matter what, the mother follows the son.
There is a joke circulating on the Internet", I think this is the best description of Sancong.
"Four virtues" refers to: morality, speech, tolerance, and work. (It is a requirement for the quality of the woman herself)
The first important thing is morality, to be able to stand upright, and now the family is broken, and many of them are caused by the corruption of women's morality. In the past, many people ridiculed men for not being able to control their lower bodies, but now many women can't control their lower bodies!
Those foreigners can huo so many women in China, but they are just the tip of the iceberg of women's moral corruption.
Women's virtue is all-encompassing, and the relationship between men and women is only one aspect.
The second is "speech", to have knowledge, appropriate speech, appropriate language; now there are really not many people who can speak well, and being able to speak is the cornerstone of dealing with interpersonal relationships, for women, the interpersonal relationships they face are more complex than men.
Why? The woman is surrounded by "strangers" and has no natural bond except for children. Men have no natural bond except for their wives, so society has higher requirements for women's ability to behave in the world.
The third is "Rong", that is, appearance, pointing out that you should be dignified and steady, not frivolous and casual; "Those who serve the monarch with color will love the decline of color; those who serve the monarch with virtue will have a long time and the sky will be long", the ancients emphasized that "Rong" is not very important, but it is only compared with "virtue".
"Rong" is not only makeup, but also "appearance".
The third is "work", that is, the way of governing the family, the way of governing the family includes the details of life such as husband and children, respect for the old and love the young, diligence and thrift, etc., and another way of saying is that the female red (needlework), that is, the ability of women to do things.
If a woman can achieve the above "four virtues", she is definitely a good wife and mother, who doesn't love her?
Chinese culture is not only demanding of women, but also of men
Some people say, you use the rules and regulations of your ancestors to fool us women and restrict us women, what about you men?
The author uses one sentence to explain that the ancients had higher requirements for men: "self-cultivation, family harmony, governing the country, and leveling the world"
As mentioned earlier, the requirements for women are big enough to "cultivate themselves and work together", while men also have "governing the country and leveling the world"
It does not mean that everyone has to be an emperor or a big official in order to "govern the country and level the world", each of us is a part of a huge civilization machine, and "governing the country and leveling the world" is the goal of our joint efforts, but the position and responsibilities are different.
For another example, why was it that when many dynasties were founded, the founding emperor was able to find capable ministers who ruled the country and leveled the world in a small place? It is precisely because Chinese culture continues to require Chinese men to "cultivate themselves, work together, govern the country, and level the world", and the talents who govern a country can be found in a small place.
Write at the end
Nowadays, some women wander between their in-laws' homes and their mothers' homes, and they never find a sense of belonging.
The happiness of a woman's own family is the foundation of the harmony of her entire social relationship
The "three subordinate" theory of the ancients explains very well how women should deal with the relationship between their in-laws and their mothers.
The woman in the above story, for the sake of her mother's brother, endlessly asked her husband to give her mother's blood transfusion, and in the end she could only end up with a divorce and even face criminal charges.
A good family, a happy life, is over, whether this woman can still be happy in this life, the author thinks that there needs to be a big question mark.
A healthy, stable and happy family is the greatest blessing for women!
In order to make the society more harmonious, why don't we advocate "three obedience and four virtues"?
Whether you are a female or male compatriot, welcome to leave your opinion!
#女子开水倒在男子头上##婚姻与家庭##三从四德是干什么的? #
About the author: @凡世一粟, a science and engineering man who loves literature.
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