With the progress of society and the development of education, for many parents and educators, the goal of education is quietly changing.
A veteran teacher sent a small video about an education blogger's commentary on the murder of his wife by a Chinese engineer at Google. In the video, the education blogger said earnestly: "If you don't do well in school, you just do the wrong question, and you don't do the wrong person." Scumbags are not necessarily waste, and students are not necessarily genuine!"
After watching the video, I know very well that the old teacher wants to tell me that children who have not done well in the exam once, or even have bad grades, are not the most important, but mental health and parent-child relationship are the focus of parents' attention. But this "answer" doesn't solve my anxiety about my child's grades.
The old teacher asked me: You have to think clearly, whether you want to cultivate "people in people" or "people in people"?
"Of course it's ......," he swallowed again. I thought to myself, isn't it "a man who is superior"? But this answer seems to be not firm and clear enough.
Not long ago, the news that 54-year-old security guard Lao Zhao stabbed to death 32-year-old delivery man Xiao Li is heartbreaking. But what is even more embarrassing is that Xiao Li's parents are nearly 60 years old, and there is a younger brother who is in college at home, and the combined monthly income of his parents is only more than 7,000 yuan, but they spent millions of yuan to send Xiao Li to study abroad. After Xiao Li returned to China, he couldn't find a suitable job and went to deliver food without telling his family. At the time of Xiao Li's accident, the foreign debts owed by his parents for Xiao Li's study abroad had not yet been repaid.
This tragedy has made public opinion once again focus on topics such as "smashing the pot and selling iron to study abroad" and "difficulty in finding employment for returnees". Huge loans to study abroad, selling houses to study abroad, or for a better school district to stage a modern version of "Meng's mother's three moves...... Is such a choice right or not, and is it worth it?
Studying abroad has always been considered a fast track to becoming a "master". For most ordinary Chinese families, the purpose of choosing to study abroad is to hope to get a better job and income through overseas education. "Smashing the pot and selling iron to study abroad" implies a layer of unspoken "thoughts": this huge investment can be exchanged for a bright future for children, whether it is millions of yuan or tens of millions of yuan, and the huge amount of money is obviously more important than the child's great future.
However, this channel, as the cost of studying abroad rises, is becoming narrower and narrower. Compared to the current income capacity of the average family, the cost of studying abroad is becoming increasingly unaffordable. Some parents have opted out, but there are still some parents who are struggling to cultivate "human beings".
Kindergarten children are playing games Photo by Yao Jianfeng
"Only when you suffer hardship can you become a superior person", this sentence seems to be engraved into the DNA of you and me, and has been repeatedly said by elders since childhood. There are similar sayings: "If you want to be noble in front of people, you have to suffer behind your back", "Learn to become a literary and martial artist, and the goods are with the emperor's family"...... All of these are expressions of the truth of "bitter first and then sweet". These old sayings are not only the persuasion and admonition of generations of parents to their children, but also a strong hint from parents to themselves - it doesn't matter if parents endure hardships, as long as children can become "human beings".
This kind of "sacrifice" of parents is a kind of pressure for children, and even a kind of shackle for some children. There are also children who "don't buy it", thinking that it is just wishful thinking on the part of their parents. As a result, many parents and children have been incomprehensible, quarrelling, and even breaking down the parent-child relationship. Such a limit pull overwhelms the child and overwhelms the parents. Is it the parents' fault, or is the child not empathetic enough?
Some time ago, the entry "Harvard girl Liu Yiting became an ordinary middle class in the United States" appeared on the hot search, which attracted a lot of sighs. This "other people's child" and a successful role model for education in the minds of countless Chinese parents back then is now "famous" again in this way.
Some people say that although Liu Yiting has not made any "big career", she is actually the "ceiling" of international students. But more people believe that there is still a gap between the "ordinary middle class" and people's expectations that Liu Yiting will become a "master". Many people sighed that it seems that entering a top university may not necessarily ensure that you will become a "master".
Time passes, things are not people. When the initial conditions change, so do the fundamentals of society. A screenshot of a chat titled "Parents scolded teachers in the WeChat group of the class because of the start of school too early" was posted online, and the parent said that his child "did not attend all the first morning classes" and "slept until he woke up naturally". This move has aroused widespread attention and discussion, and different educational concepts have intertwined and collided.
To a certain extent, the practice of education under the concept of "being superior to man" is a "zero-sum game". For example, everyone is doing the same thing, and the cheaper they are, the more advantageous they are, so they must endure hardships, constantly self-PUA, endure hardships that others can't bear, hold back their strength to endure hardships better than anyone else, and "proud" others after finally "enduring hardships and ascending to the top".
The problem with this concept is that people are regarded as tools, the attribution of success is simplistic and mechanical, and the understanding of hardship is rigid and vulgarized, resulting in a lack of self-worth and a reversal of the relationship between people and education. The so-called "the more hardships you endure, the greater the achievements" is actually a kind of "survivorship bias". Success is not a reward for hardship, and suffering is not the only magic weapon to achieve life. Each child has a different "flowering period" and has different advantages at different ages, and the formation of these advantages is related to the surrounding environment and experience. "Juvenile fame" is certainly a breakthrough in self-ability, but "late bloomer" is also a reward for growth.
The goal of education is to equip children with the ability to build their own survival and life in the future. Studying, reading, in essence, are curiosity and exploration of the unknown, a person who loves life and labor, learning, reading will not be bad, because learning, reading itself is a kind of life, a labor. Learn by doing, learn by doing, and grow by doing.
Children are active in the kindergarten playground Photo by Hao Yuan
The goal of growth should not be based on how many people have been defeated and how much suffering they have suffered, but on the clarity of the value of their own lives, and the establishment of a creative, independent and unique value logic in the depths of their hearts. For most people, instead of becoming a bitter and hateful "master", it is better to be a "person within a person" with an interesting soul, understanding cooperation and self-consistency. In this way, even if you are in the trend that you have to roll, you can rely on your own internal drive and determination, live up to your love, do what you can, and insist on doing the right thing.
Life is like a long-distance run, the road ahead is long, the future is undecided, you and I are dark horses!
Half Moon Talk Reporter: Pan Ye / Editor: Li Jianfa
*This article is the content of the 4th issue of "Half Moon Talks" in 2024
Original title: "Don't envy the "people on the people", first seek the "people among the people""