Why do some people get along for years but can't become good friends, and some people feel as if they've known each other for a lifetime after only a few hours together?
There are two kinds of relationships between people, the first is "me and you", and the second is "me and him".
Some people can't be friends for a long time, precisely because you have always been in a "me and him" relationship.
So what kind of relationship is "me and him"?
Take a look at the 2 scenarios below.
When you enthusiastically share a video to the other party, the other party glances at it casually and copes, "Yes, yes, it's very good-looking." "But in reality, he's busy doing his own thing, and his attention is not on you at all.
When you encounter difficulties and tell the other party, the other party listens absentmindedly, and then says painlessly, "You are quite unlucky to encounter this incident." However, he did not help you analyze the problem at all, and he looked perfunctory.
Have you encountered the above two scenes?
I believe that most people have encountered this situation in the workplace, colleagues do not care about the problems you encounter, only care about whether their work is completed. This kind of relationship is the relationship between "me and him".
The relationship between "me and him" is that everyone is polite on the surface, but there is no "empathy". When one party tries to share happy or sad emotions, the other party only copes with it on the surface, and in fact, in fact, they don't pay attention to what the other party wants to express, let alone pay attention to the other party's emotions, and just think about perfunctory. That's why we've been together for a long time, but we still can't be friends.
Let's look at the second relationship, "me and you".
"Me and you" is a relationship of "communion". When I convey emotions to you, you will let go of what you are doing, listen attentively, and be able to resonate emotionally.
If I show you a funny video, you'll laugh as much as I do. When I confide in you when I have a problem, you think carefully about the solution and express the suggestion in a way that does not irritate me. The emotions of both parties can interact and blend, and this is the relationship between "me and you".
The relationship between "me and him" is distant, and we see the other person as an irrelevant person who can exist or not, or as a tool for profit. "Me and you" is completely different, in the "me and you" model, maintaining a good relationship between us is our goal, which is not mixed with other interests.
There is an old saying, "The friendship of a gentleman is as light as water, and the friendship of a villain is as sweet." ”
It means that the interaction between gentlemen is plain and long, and the interaction between villains is thick and short. This is precisely because the relationship between gentlemen is a relationship between "me and you", in which there is no mixed interests, and both parties forgive, understand and trust each other, so it can be long-term and far-reaching.
And the villain's friendship, although it seems to be strong and enthusiastic in the short term, but there is an ulterior purpose behind it, and when the purpose is completed, the friendship between the two parties is basically over.
People's subconscious is actually very sensitive, if you think that you and the other party are "me and him" relationship, the other party can detect from the clues of getting along, so it is difficult for the two to become real friends. On the contrary, if you feel deep down that you and the other person are "me and you", your words and deeds will be more natural and harmonious, and the other party will also be moved by your sincerity, thus establishing friendship with you.