There is such a sentence in "The Godfather": People who spend a second to see through the essence of things and those who spend a lifetime unable to see the essence of things are destined to have a completely different fate.
This sentence is quite reasonable, many people put their time and energy on comparison, on looking up to others and unhappy with others, and only a few people focus on themselves.
Those who always stare at others to do better than themselves will not make life better, but only resentment and internal friction.
You can't focus on yourself, staring at the clues of people who are stronger than you, no matter how hard you try, no matter how hard you try, it's just a "low level of diligence".
Such "diligence" will not make you stronger, but will only be more intolerant of the excellence of others, and live under the aura of others to complain.
To put it bluntly, if you can't see the good of others, you won't make yourself better, you will only consume your energy infinitely.
I also want to say to my children: whether it is studying now, or working and living in the future, don't look up to what others have, don't always stare at what you don't have, and focus your energy on what you want to do.
When things become a hammer or are distracted by irrelevant things, it will be distracted and it will be difficult to do the task at hand well.
A person's energy is limited, and when you are distracted or emotionally emotic from time to time, it will be difficult to fully realize your potential, and it will also weaken your mental strength.
Many times, it's not our ability to do things that is wrong, it's our mood swings.
Don't underestimate the impact of emotions, it can make you distracted from doing what you need to do, and it can also make you lose confidence and self-recognition.
Stable emotions and a strong core are actually to use the power of mindfulness to face things that are not so smooth, and can also quickly pull back your energy and mental strength.
This ability to adjust quickly, known as concentration, can also be said to be strong within.
When you don't care about others, only care about what you want to do and what you should do at the moment, and anchor the goal, it is the beginning of moving from internal friction to sobriety.
Only by staying awake and eliminating all external distractions can we gain insight into more truths and empower ourselves with immersive concentration, so that we can continue to move forward.
Fortunately, after this period of mindfulness practice and emotional adjustment, the child's state is getting better and better, and his mental strength is slowly returning.
In the past, I would make five or six phone calls every day, confiding in my discomfort and depression, wanting to go home every day, not liking school, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to take exams, and even thinking of dropping out.
In fact, it is to continue to compare with others, compare what you can't do with what others are good at, and feel that you are too bad when you compare, and you feel that you have no advantages.
In such a gap, I am still unwilling to go with the flow, and I keep forcing myself to cheer up, I can't go on like this, I must absolutely do it, and I constantly force myself to be excellent all the time, and I can't be as bad as before.
However, benchmarking against others and competing with oneself in this way did not make the child's state better, but even normal learning could not be carried out, and only suffering and depression and unspeakable pain were left in his mind.
Excessive pressure and almost harsh requirements on oneself will not make one's heart easy, and when burdened with heavy pressure, it will only allow oneself to fall into a "dead end" that cannot be escaped.
Of course, children will use "extreme" methods to force themselves, and I have an unshirkable responsibility.
In the past few years, I have always been very demanding of my children, even if there is a small mistake, I will try my best to correct it, rarely praise and encouragement, and it has always been the requirement of "you can be better with your ability".
I am afraid that my child will be complacent about his achievements, and I am afraid that he will be arrogant and proud, so I will continue to knock on the side to force him to improve.
Therefore, when it comes to family education, children are copies of their parents.
What kind of educational philosophy I once had will also be deeply ingrained in the hearts of children.
However, fortunately, I woke up in time, and at the same time, I also took the child to change my previous psychological map and change my requirements for myself.
Including the child's running after class in the evening self-study for more than a semester, at the beginning of the run, I asked him to run, took him to run, and then he ran by himself.
The other day, I asked him: Do you want to run every day, or do you want to push yourself with ascetic self-discipline?
The child said: I don't know why I run, anyway, after self-study in the evening, as long as it doesn't rain, I can't help but run.
I tell my children to try to ask their bodies: Would I like to run today? Do I like my form? Do I want to run? If you are struggling with whether I want to run today, then don't run, it is a disguised reminder that it is time to rest.
I tell my children that self-discipline is not about forcing oneself to do something, but about following one's own will, doing what you want, and not forcing yourself if you don't want to do it.
Later, I never asked my child the phrase "I finished running today", because I didn't want to put subconscious pressure on my child and make him think that he would disappoint his mother if he didn't run.
After I started to change my thinking and behavior, my child became more independent of himself, sometimes running, sometimes walking, sometimes playing a single bar, which made me very happy.
Children are best able to release stress and gain a sense of value when they do what they want to do.
And after I guide the child to focus on himself, he is ready to "step back", he has his own life, he needs to keep trying and making mistakes, and I only focus on the general direction and do not slide, and the small details are all with it.
In this paragraph, when helping the child adjust, I also have new thinking and new awareness of my own practices in the past.
When I knew that my child cared about my ideas and my suggestions, I was both happy and apprehensive, glad that my child trusted and opened up to me, but I was also afraid that my cognitive limitations would mislead my child.
I started with myself, calmly accepted that others were better than me, and blessed others to be better, while burying my head in my own path.
Walking with excellent people, only appreciation without jealousy, and walking with yourself, only steadfastness and no longer self-doubt.
With your own efforts, continue to grow upward, and you will have no regrets in this life.