I used to think that marriage was a matter for two people, and as long as we loved each other, we could overcome all difficulties. However, when I was on the verge of divorce, my ex-wife's words were like a hammer, smashing into my heart, making me deeply realize that there is such a great hatred between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
01
My ex-wife and I used to be a loving couple, we met on a college campus and experienced the laughter and tears of youth together. After graduation, we walked into the palace of marriage hand in hand, looking forward to a bright future.
However, beautiful fantasies are no match for the cruelty of reality. Soon after marriage, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law gradually emerged, and our lives began to fall into endless disputes and quarrels.
Looking back on the days when we first got married, the relationship between my ex-wife and my mom was quite good. However, over time, seemingly insignificant little things gradually accumulate and eventually evolve into an insurmountable chasm.
In the face of their contradictions, I always think that as a junior, ex-wives should be more tolerant and understanding. But I ignored that everyone has their own bottom line and dignity, and ex-wives are no exception.
My ex-wife has also confided in me many times about her grievances, but I always use busy work and stress as an excuse to ignore her confiding.
Sometimes, with tears in her eyes, she told me about my mother's dissatisfaction with her, but I always comforted her with a few words of understatement, and then turned around and threw myself into my own world.
Because, at that time, I always thought that I was the peacemaker of the family, and as long as I remained neutral, the conflict between them would not affect our marriage.
Therefore, I have never really understood her feelings from her point of view, nor have I seriously thought about the root cause of the conflict between my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
02
However, my evasion did not make the problem go away, but only deepened the conflict between them.
Until the moment of divorce, the ex-wife's eyes were full of disappointment and pain. In a trembling voice, she told me how my mother had done to her when I wasn't at home.
She said that my mother was always critical of her housework and accused her of not knowing how to be economical, and even sneered at her on some household chores.
She also told me that whenever she wanted to communicate with my mother, my mother always refused to communicate in a condescending manner, which made her feel extremely isolated and helpless.
The most unbearable thing for her is that every time there is a conflict between them, my mother will unreasonably ask her to get out of this house, and say that this is my son's home, not your home.
Listening to my ex-wife's story, my heart was like a knife. I can't imagine that those insignificant things in my eyes can cause such deep harm to my ex-wife.
But I still don't think so, thinking that these contradictions between them are trivial things, and as long as they tolerate each other, they can be resolved.
I regret that I didn't realize the seriousness of the problem sooner and didn't understand my ex-wife's feelings from her perspective sooner. I regret that I didn't resolve the conflict between them in time, and let this marriage come to the point of no return.
03
In the days after the divorce, I fell into deep reflection. I began to realize that the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not a trivial matter, it is related to the harmony and happiness of the family. And I, as a member of this family, should have taken on the responsibility of mediating conflicts, but I have been avoiding and neglecting.
I know very well that it was all my fault that I didn't cherish and manage this marriage well.
However, I can't turn back the clock, and I can't get my marriage back to the way it was. I can only take this experience as a profound lesson to remind myself to be more mature and wise when facing similar problems in the future.
I want to tell all couples who are experiencing the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not unsolvable, the key is whether we face and solve it with our hearts.
Looking back, I feel deep guilt and remorse. I know I can't win back my ex-wife's heart, but I also hope that she can find the happiness that truly belongs to her in the future.
I will also try to come out of the shadows and start a new life. In the days to come, I will cherish the people and things around me more and strive to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past.
Finally, I would like to say a word to my ex-wife: I'm sorry. I know these three words can't make up for the hurt and pain I have caused you, but I truly hope that you can live happily.
I also hope that we can all learn from this failed marriage and become a better version of ourselves. May we all find our own happiness in the days to come.