Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
In my counseling room last week, a woman worriedly confided to me that she really couldn't figure out what her 45-year-old husband's ideal woman was.
I was a little surprised by her troubles, because the female client sitting in front of me was very well maintained in terms of figure and appearance, and even though she was past her youth, she still exuded the unique charm of a mature woman.
Such women are usually prone to arouse the affection of men in real life, and in fact, people's preferences for the opposite sex do change at different stages of life.
After all, people are constantly growing and changing.
The answer to this question may be profound.
Mr. Liu, who just turned 40 this year, experienced a failed marriage, and after six years of love, he married for eight years, and finally came to the end of parting ways.
In Mr. Liu's eyes, at this age, the woman who can touch his heartstrings and is willing to spend a long time with him must be the kind of excellent woman with independent character and ability.
When he was young, he wanted his partner to have a beautiful face and a slender figure, and to dress delicately and decently, which could increase his face and become a capital to boast about.
Mr. Liu's ex-wife is a woman who meets such standards, and in his eyes, she has always been a "little girl".
After getting married, she quit her easy and stable job and became a full-time housewife in the family.
At that time, Mr. Liu was at the peak of his career, and there was no pressure to financially support his mortgage, car loan and the life of his family.
However, as we get older, the competition at work becomes more intense and the pressure increases dramatically.
Coming home every day to face his wife, children and parents who still need to support him, Mr. Liu feels never-ending tiredness, as if he has become a never-ending machine.
In addition, the 42-year-old Mr. Chen also longs to get along with women with independent personalities.
When he was in love, his girlfriend's gentle dependence did make him feel the warmth of being needed and cared for, but after marriage, his wife's almost round-the-clock attention and monitoring made Mr. Chen feel breathless.
Mr. Chan understands that his wife's actions stem from her love for him, but he occasionally longs for his own private space, but his wife focuses her entire life on him and has no personal hobbies or activities of her own.
Mr. Chan said frankly:
"I really need a little bit of free time to deal with my boss and clients when I go to work, and to go home and be questioned by her when I get off work. ”
In a marital relationship, just as women tend to choose career-minded men, men also expect their significant other to be an independent woman who can fight side by side with them.
Mr. Xu has spent ten years with his partner, and in his eyes, the most fascinating thing is her never-say-die adventurous spirit.
The two have known each other since their college days, and although she did not have much outstanding appearance and figure at that time, her bravery, intelligence, tenacity and rational traits deeply attracted Mr. Xu.
Whenever his spouse is mentioned, Mr. Xu always says in a proud tone:
"With a wife who works so hard, it is naturally impossible for me to stop. For so many years, she has taken care of her family very well, and her career has been handled very well, in the company, she has never delayed her work because of family matters, and now she is in the position of supervisor, all of which are obtained by her efforts. ”
This is the unique charm that independent women exude.
In human nature, we are naturally inclined to worship the strong, which is known in psychology as "strong identity".
This psychological phenomenon is actually the behavior of people unconsciously breaking restrictions and pursuing growth.
From an individual perspective, this sense of identity can help individuals to progress and achieve higher levels of social and personal achievement.
In the process of choosing a partner, this psychological tendency pushes us to find better partners, identify with them, get close to them, and even imitate them, so as to promote our own growth.
This mental process is called "internalization" in technical terms.
With this explanation, it is easier to understand why middle-aged men feel a strong attraction to independent women.
According to the theory of autopsychology, it is an innate instinct to identify with and follow the strong, and this applies not only to women, but also to men.
Whether male or female, having an independent personality and the ability to control one's own life is an outstanding talent in itself.
Only people who have their own lives and ideas can maintain their relationship and make men more determined in choosing a partner.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords: independent women, psychology
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