Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
With the gradual opening of the two-child and three-child policies, more and more families are choosing to increase the number of children.
The data shows that
In 2013, the proportion of two-child families in mainland China was about 30%, and by 2021 this proportion has risen to 43%, and in 2023, although it will drop slightly, it will also account for 41.4%.
Clearly, the proportion of two-child families on the mainland has increased significantly over the past decade. In the traditional culture of the mainland, people often pursue auspicious symbols, and fertility is no exception.
It is generally accepted that if there are two children in the family, a boy and a girl are considered the ideal family model.
At the same time, the combination of "one son and one daughter" also constitutes the word "good", which is regarded as a harbinger of family harmony and perfection.
But in fact, superficial happiness often masks deeper problems.
Many families with a son and a daughter are forced to face reality only after two decades of life practice when they truly realize the complex challenges that this family structure can bring.
First of all, the reality is that families with one son and one daughter do not always bring happiness as they think.
A survey of more than 3,000 two-child families shows that the happiest families are not those with two children, but those with two daughters.
After studying the children's harmony, emotional depth, social behavior, and other aspects in these families, the researchers found that families with two daughters generally performed better in these areas than other family structures.
In addition, parents generally believe that girls mature earlier than boys and are generally quieter than boys, not as mischievous as boys.
As a result, we tend to only see the superficial phenomena, when the reality may be more complex. Although families with one son and one daughter appear to be perfect on the surface, in fact, this family structure hides even more problematic problems.
The data shows that 85 per cent of households with one son and one daughter have the first child as a daughter, while only 15 per cent have a second child as a boy.
This huge disparity suggests that many families are not really looking for both children, and that the vast majority of two-child families are motivated by a desire to have a boy.
In our society, which is supposed to promote equality between men and women, it is unfortunate that there are still many people who have a patriarchal attitude.
It can be speculated that a large proportion of those families that seem to have both children are actually patriarchal.
In these households, the distribution of resources is often uneven.
is like Fan Shengmei in the TV series "Ode to Joy", although she has outstanding abilities, she often needs to worry about her powerless brother, and her parents always want her to sacrifice herself to solve her brother's problems;
Alalei in "Where Are You Going, Dad" also cried on the show that she not only had to participate in the show to earn living expenses, but also to earn milk powder money for her younger brother.
She was not yet ten years old at the time, and this thinking must have been influenced by her family environment.
In fact, this phenomenon is a manifestation of social culture, and these cultural ideas are a reflection of reality.
The idea of preference for sons over daughters originated in patrilineal clan societies thousands of years ago.
Since the mainland entered the patrilineal clan society, there have been significant differences in the social status of men and women.
The meaning of patrilineal clan society is multifaceted.
First, men dominate production and social activity in patrilineal clan societies.
Due to the characteristics of patrilineal clan society, blood relations are mainly based on the father, and this change breaks the common situation of "only knowing the mother but not the father" in the original matrilineal clan society.
A female netizen shared her personal feelings on the Internet, she believes that the so-called "children and daughters" are perfect on the surface, but in fact, it is the daughter herself who really suffers.
This pain can only be truly understood by those who have experienced it firsthand.
In fact, this netizen comes from a seemingly happy family of four, she is the youngest daughter in the family and has an older brother on it.
She had recently had an argument with her husband and was so depressed that she wanted to go back to her childhood home for a few days to find comfort.
However, when her mother learned of this, instead of giving the necessary comfort, she reminded her not to forget to bring gifts for her brother, sister-in-law, and nephew when she returned home.
She was very disappointed by her mother's words, and she said that although she could understand her mother's consideration, she would bring a lot of gifts with her every holiday.
But when she was down and needed comfort, her mother's reaction was to emphasize her responsibility, which made her feel very sad:
Why do you have to bring things back to the home where you grew up?
Zhenai has conducted a survey on gender bias in different parts of the mainland, and the results show that
The pervasiveness and severity of the problem is hinted at by the fact that 16.7 per cent admitted that there was a clear preference for sons in their families, while 23.9 per cent refused to answer the question.
Although the social status of women in China has improved in recent years, the ideal of equality between men and women is still far away, especially in rural areas, where gender discrimination is particularly serious.
Although the policy advocates equality between men and women, there are still many inequalities between men and women, one of which is the issue of bride price.
Many people mistakenly believe that the high bride price is a sign of women's advancement, but in fact this practice is more of an objectification of women.
In many patriarchal families, women's bride prices are often used to subsidize the costs of the men, meaning that the resources that women earn end up going to men.
In families where equality between men and women is truly championed, parents do not use their daughter's dowry to subsidize the family, but instead use those resources to support their daughter's new family.
At the same time, patriarchal families often face challenges in providing for their children, as parents tend to spoil their sons excessively, and children are likely to grow up to be irresponsible.
For example, Fan Shengmei in the TV series "Ode to Joy" is an example, her brother is not only dependent on his parents, but also owes huge debts, which will eventually need to be repaid by Fan Shengmei.
What's worse is that he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him, and even thinks that Fan Shengmei's contribution is deserved.
In such families, irresponsible sons are often the norm, and, as psychologists say, women are usually more susceptible to soft-heartedness than men, which is most evident in Fan Shengmei.
Therefore, in many families that seem to have both children, the son is not only not filial to his parents, but also cannot even provide support for his parents in old age.
Eventually, parents have to rely on their daughters, who are not allocated resources, to support their old age.
At this time, parents can truly feel the value of their daughters.
As the national propaganda slogan says: "Boys and girls are the same".
Children are the treasures of their parents and should be treated equally.
At the same time, the entrenched feudal mentality should be discarded and the benefits of women should be ensured on the same level as men.
The End -
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Keywords in this article: patriarchy, psychology
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