When I saw the phrase "go out and have a different room with my wife", I laughed. How many husband and wife relationships are treated as brothers after marriage, you can report in the comment area, I think there must be a lot.
Not to mention going out, in their own homes, there are not a few people who sleep in separate rooms at a young age. On the contrary, when they went out, they had to open a room due to financial pressure, and even some people went too far, and the two of them even built a standard room.
When many netizens read the sentence "go out and don't have a room with your wife", they said with tears in their eyes: "I want to too, but my strength does not allow it." ”
The things left by the ancestors are interpreted by modern people's thoughts, and how they do not conform to common sense, and even label the saying as "feudal dross".
Personally, I think that the things handed down by our ancestors have some philosophical ideas in them, and even now, they have a certain reference significance.
If you look at it according to the above understanding, it is a bit off, and the ancients did not force you to live separately when you go out. "Going out" here does not mean going out at will.
In ancient times, chariots and horses were very slow, and the time was very long, and they could not go to several places in their lives. For the poor, their only means of transportation are those two legs.
Moreover, after the Song Dynasty, the restraint on women has reached the point of no return, in addition to the three from the four virtues, women are also required to go out of the door and teach their husbands and children at home.
Even when I go back to my parents' house, I can't go back whenever I want. Although there are no restrictions on returning to their parents' homes now, as married daughters, during the New Year, especially on the three days of Chinese New Year's Eve and the first day of the new year, many areas still do not allow married girls to celebrate the New Year in their parents' homes.
This may be the only item to be kept. But in ancient times, there were more restrictions like this, and when the married daughter returned to her parents' home, she had to look after the days in advance. Looking at the taboos on the old yellow calendar, the ancients carefully observed them for a long time.
Even if the husband and wife go back to their parents' house, they can't sleep together. For example, in Shandong, when the couple returned to their parents' home, they were really divided into two rooms, and this phenomenon also existed more or less in other regions.
Normally, simply sleeping will not affect anything, mainly because I am afraid that the two of them will have nothing to do at night, and they will play poker together. It's hard to talk about this, so you can only arrange two rooms across the board.
The ancients attached great importance to this matter, and when cleaning up the room, if some traces were found, it would always make people feel very bad, especially for women, it would make people feel that they did not know etiquette and shame.
There are also places where there is a claim that it affects the fortune of the mother's family, which is nonsense. In my opinion, the most direct impact is: the two of you are comfortable, and you have to be cleaned up by someone else for you, don't wash it, your heart should respond, wash it, and the workload is too great, so you just sleep separately.
Going out here also refers to the fact that after returning to her parents' house with her wife, your aunt will not go to the ancestral grave of her father-in-law's family to worship. The ancients valued filial piety, and there was a saying that "a son-in-law is half a son", so why didn't they let the son-in-law worship?
In fact, the non-worship here does not mean that it is not allowed, but that it is not needed. In ancient times, the status of women was relatively low, and once they got married, they were guests to their mother's family.
Even the women themselves do not have the opportunity to enter the family tree, nor are they qualified to worship the ancestral graves, and these "privileges" are all the exclusive property of boys.
As the saying goes, "When a girl goes to the grave, there is no one in her mother's family", there are no special circumstances, and a series of questions about the sacrifice of the mother's family do not need to be intervened by the daughter and the aunt.
From this level, in fact, my uncle is allowed to participate in the sacrificial activities of my father-in-law's family, but I don't do it when my mother's family is empty.
Generally speaking, if there is no one in the mother's family, the father-in-law usually will not marry off all his daughters, but will recruit a son-in-law to join the family, so that he can participate in the family sacrifice as a son and solve his pension problem by the way.
If this is not the case, as a son-in-law, no one will go to participate in the sacrificial activities of the father-in-law's family on important sacrificial festivals.
Times are changing, and there are also cases where sons-in-law go to visit the father-in-law's grave, but they will only go when there is no one to worship the father-in-law's family. For sons-in-law, those who can do this are good sons-in-law, because he sacrificed his opportunity to sacrifice his ancestors and went to help his father-in-law's family sacrifice.
This is a great sacrifice for boys, please remember it. Now the society is much better, in ancient times, not participating in sacrificial activities with family members, the light ones were defined as unfilial, and the heavy ones were kicked out of the family tree.
In recent years, with the development and progress of society, the consciousness of the big family has weakened, which has also made these guidelines, which were originally red lines, no longer so impersonal.
For these two sayings, I don't think this is the dregs of the feudal system, especially the first one, playing poker in my mother's house is really not very elegant, soiling other people's sheets is indeed an embarrassing and embarrassing thing for others, the ancestor said this sentence is not wrong.
The second sentence also has some truth, at present, there are still such traditions in some places in the countryside, but for the sons-in-law of the world, once the father-in-law really needs it, it is still necessary to overcome the difficulties, and help if you can, you must not abide by the rules and snub the hearts of the people.