My biological parents came to recognize me, but I chose my adoptive mother who abused me domestically Story FM

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When I was a child, I asked my parents the question "Where did I come from?", I didn't know anywhere else, but parents in the Northeast would tell their children almost uniformly that you picked up from various places, some said that you were picked up from the coal pile, and some said that you picked it up from the garbage heap. I remember my family saying I picked it up from the garbage. Now we know that this is an escape from sex education in the conservative era. But back then, for us children, there was a question in our hearts about "whether I was born to my parents".

Today's narrator Qiaoqiao, she also had this question when she was a child, and this question was confirmed to be true one day. This fact also made her re-examine her relationship with her adoptive mother.

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The biological parents who suddenly appeared on the phone

When I was in my second year of junior high school, I was working a summer job outside, and I was on a break, when suddenly my mom called me and said your real mom was going to talk to you. When she said this, I was stunned. I don't think so, could this really happen to me?

Later, my biological mother, she answered the phone, I don't remember the specifics, but I only remember that there seemed to be an expression of thinking about me or something, anyway, I was very emotional. I was actually very confused and amazing at the time, but it didn't have much to do with me.

They invited a lot of people to their family, and I remember inviting a lot of relatives to come over, many of them in the same yard. When people saw me, they came up and shook my hand and said, "Oh, I've grown so big, or something." Some of them will say how much my biological parents miss me, and how forced they were to send me out at that time. Some relatives would even give me red envelopes.

I was very calm and didn't have any thoughts, as if I had met two strangers. There is no apology, more reluctance or guilt. I don't remember them apologizing to me. Maybe in their eyes, they had no choice but to send me out in the first place, and it was also a very painful decision for them.

I feel like they need to apologize to me. It wasn't because they sent me out. It's because they sent me to the wrong family, and they didn't take responsibility for my future and didn't really go to a good family to plan for their daughter's future life. That's what they're most sorry for me. 

■ Photo / 1 year old The adoptive mother and Qiaoqiao were taken in a local photo studio

When I was a child, my adoptive mother's education was "beating", and the most impressive time was that day when I graduated from kindergarten and should go to school to receive the award. But I don't know why I was beaten by her, I finally escaped from home, I didn't even have shoes on my feet, and my body was full of marks from tree branches.

I also had injuries on my feet, and I remember running barefoot. While crying, I still have to go to my school to get the certificate. On the way to school, I met an aunt who looked at me in surprise and said, "Ah, what's wrong with you?"

I started crying at a stranger, but I said, "It's okay, I'm going to school to get my certificate, I'm going to be late." 」

This aunt is very nice, she took me to school in her car and comforted me on the way, but I didn't say that my mother hit me from beginning to end. By the time I got to the school, the people who had received the certificates had already left, and the whole school was almost empty. Only the teacher was there to clean up the things in the class. When the teacher saw me, he said I thought you wouldn't be coming to receive your certificate today, so I gave your certificate to someone else.

I was very sad at the time, and the teacher tried to make up for me, and I remember very clearly, she gave me all the pencil heads left in the class. I said I would use this to make up for my certificate.

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Adoptive mother's childhood

My relationship is very divided, my adoptive mother obviously beat me and treated me so badly, but I love her very much. I have reflected on the reason myself, probably because she told me a lot of her previous stories when she didn't beat me, which made me think that she was also a miserable person. What she told me was that she had been beaten by my grandmother a lot, whether she had done something wrong or not, as long as my grandmother saw that she was not pleasing to her eyes, she would beat her very hard. I have used the tongs to burn the stove, I have used a bamboo pole to beat, in her words, if there is anything at hand, I will copy it and hit it, and there is no severity in the hand, and it doesn't matter whether the child can bear this thing or not, anyway, it is beaten.

■ Photo / October 2020 Qiaoqiao got married

The night before I got married, we were both lying together and she told me about her first marriage. In fact, she had a husband in Sichuan and even had her own biological children. She was the object of domestic violence in that marriage. The neighbor told my mother that the man's previous wife disappeared suddenly, and it is very likely that the man and her mother-in-law abused her to death, which is one of the reasons why she later decided to run away from home and decide to go to another province. 

During the whole story, Qiaoqiao said that when she was a child, her adoptive mother beat her, and more often she said that she was dependent on her adoptive mother, and even admired. Qiaoqiao has always subconsciously called her adoptive mother "mother", but for her biological mother, she has to add the prefix "biological mother".

The resentment towards her adoptive mother and the attachment to her exist in Qiaoqiao's heart at the same time. Qiaoqiao can understand that the adoptive mother was once a victim of domestic violence, and may have subconsciously chosen violence when educating Qiaoqiao. During the interview, we also asked Qiaoqiao if she was worried that she would involuntarily choose violent education methods after becoming a mother.

I really thought about it, and when I reflected on myself, I sometimes couldn't control my emotions now. I don't have the inclination to do it yet, but my subconscious seems to tell me that my mother has educated me in this way and has been quite successful. If I listen to her now, is that if I want to treat my child in this way, then my child will do the same in the future. Good to me.

I knew in my heart that this idea was terrifying, and I thought it was wrong, so how could I use it on my children?

I'm worried that I'll do this to my kids in the future.

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Adoptive mother's dependence

Qiaoqiao said that her mother is the strongest person in the whole family, no one can question her words, she and her father are the body of this family, and the mother who is the brain controls everything.

However, I don't know if it's because I've suffered too many grievances in this life, and I've also caused a lot of grievances to others, and suddenly one day, a serious illness turned the relationship between mother and daughter.

Just when I got married. At the end of that year, my mother was diagnosed with "bile duct cancer" in February of that year

At the beginning, I was still very strong-mouthed, and I said that you should let me know that I had cancer as soon as possible, and I would not be cured, I would not have surgery, and I would wait for death like this.

But in fact, her behavior is very cautious, she is afraid of death, and she still regrets her life.

■ Photo / Adoptive mother in the ward before surgery 

After that, she seemed to be a person who asked for me. In the past, she was on top, and I was in a weaker position. But now she needs my help in everything she does, as if I'm stronger than her.

will even occasionally coddle with me, and praise me inexplicably.

"My daughter is so good, everyone in our village praises Qiaoqiao as a good and filial child. 」

But I still can't resist her in many things, I will still listen to her subtly, and it is still difficult to resist her. That's what my husband hates about me, and he wants me to say "no" to my mom, but I haven't done it yet, at least so far.

At the end, talking about the biological family that made her life ripple, Qiaoqiao said that she basically rarely contacted for many reasons, and the last contact was that after her adoptive mother was sick, the biological family came to visit the hospital, and her sister felt that Qiaoqiao was not attentive enough to her biological parents. However, Qiaoqiao said that at that time, she had to take care of her adoptive mother and bear the pressure of her heart, and she really didn't have the energy to take care of her biological parents who were sick, and she was also very aggrieved, so she went back, and since then she has only stayed quietly in that group, the family group of mothers and sons, and no longer speaks. But a conversation between them can be seen.

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Photo / Qiaoqiao University report, with his biological father and third sister on campus

For example, the third sister went to the fourth sister's house for dinner, and the fourth sister and younger brother went to my biological parents to play, and when they played, they made dumplings together, and they would take those photos and post them in the group. I would feel like they were having a good time and being happy. Actually, I could have been like this, I could have loved and respected each other with my brothers and sisters, I could have helped each other, and I could have gone to their house to play.

But now that it doesn't matter to me, I can't do that. I guess they wouldn't be able to do the same to me as they did to my other siblings.

Qiaoqiao finally chose to put her love for her parents back on her adoptive parents' side. She currently lives with her husband in Anhui Province, and her status as a freelancer also allows Qiaoqiao to have more time to take care of her adoptive mother, who lives in the same neighborhood as them. Qiaoqiao said that at the beginning, she also thought that it might be more convenient to live together, but even if the illness made her mother softer, it was just some, and the adoptive father who had lived with her for most of her life also resolutely refused to live with her again, and her mother and Qiaoqiao's husband and mother-in-law got along with each other very happily at all, and she might never do anything wrong in her mother's heart.

But it just so happened that my mother has been starting to be a little obedient recently.

■ Photo / May 2023, Malaysia vacation

My mom just wants this and that all the time.

For example, she has a pair of shoes, but she still wants more similar ones.

I said, "Don't you look the same in these shoes, what do you want so many pairs for? 」

And then she said, "Well, okay. Not anymore.

 ■ Picture / Qiaoqiao writes down the mood diary