There is a news on the Internet that has caused a lot of heated discussions. A mother asked her 4-year-old child to participate in a 10-kilometer hike, saying that it is necessary for her children to receive hardship education from an early age, so that they can "withstand setbacks" when they grow up.
Some netizens in the comment area objected to the mother's approach, believing that letting the child hike at such a young age would cause the child to be physically and mentally damaged.
Some netizens also said that today's children are becoming more and more fragile, running away from home at every turn, jumping off the building to commit suicide, and hurting their parents.
As a parent, on the one hand, you have to shelter your child from the wind and rain, worrying that he will suffer losses and injuries in the future. On the one hand, I am afraid that it is really too difficult to raise a child who can't withstand the wind and waves?
So, is it necessary to educate children about frustration?
The answer is: necessary, but in moderation.
The so-called frustration education is actually the process of parents and elders consciously letting their children experience some difficulties and challenges, so that children can experience failure in a safe environment and learn to face and solve problems.
The purpose of this approach is to help children build mental resilience, improve adaptability and problem-solving skills, and prepare them for the inevitable challenges of life in the future.
However, many parents regard frustration education as "torture education", and deliberately set up some tribulations for their children beyond their age and psychology, which will not only not let their children gain education, but will destroy their children's self-confidence.
For example, in the variety show "Dear Little Desk", the little boy Xu Jingkai was forced by his mother to make more than 300 rolls during a holiday. As a result, he became very unconfident, bored with studying, disliked participating in group activities, and always felt that he was isolated.
Regardless of the child's age and psychological acceptance, parents artificially create setbacks that are particularly difficult for the child, without considering the child's own conditions, lack of emotional support, etc., which will enhance the child's frustration and lose confidence.
As psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: "There is never a shortage of setbacks in life, and the artificially created setbacks by parents will make them unable to bear even the smallest setbacks."
So, how do you properly educate about frustration?
1. Don't do it all, let your child learn to do what he can
Now there are one or two children in the family, but the people who take care of him at home, including five or six parents, grandparents, grandparents, grandparents, etc., the child has become the center of the family, and he is not allowed to do anything, everything follows him, resulting in the child's poor ability to take care of himself, and his psychology is also very fragile, and he can't stand the slightest grievance.
There are also opposites, parents think that their children can't be successful if they don't fight, and they are particularly strict with their children, and they scold their children loudly when they make some mistakes, even if they score 90 points in the exam, they still nag and say that he shouldn't be wrong, and he shouldn't lose points. The child feels that he cannot meet the requirements of his parents in any way, so he has self-doubt, low self-esteem, and cowardice.
The formation of a child's personality is mainly due to the upbringing of the family. Therefore, parents must first change their parenting model.
For example, elders should agree and let children do what they can from an early age. What is easy in life for adults can also be a challenge for a child, and when he completes something challenging, he will gradually build up his self-confidence.
At the same time, parents should also establish reasonable expectations and goals in learning, and when their children achieve results, they should be guided by encouragement and affirmation, analyze the reasons for mistakes, and learn lessons for guidance. Parental encouragement and guidance will make children more courageous in the face of failure.
2. Guide your child to recognize setbacks correctly
A teacher once told such a case. Once, the school held an English speech contest, and he recommended a boy who spoke English very well to participate. But during the game, the boy played out of order. Soon after, a new competition was going to be held, and the teacher recommended the boy from last time, but this time the boy refused to go, crying and saying to the teacher, "I can't do it......"
The teacher comforted him for a long time, but the boy still didn't want to go, and in the end he had no choice but to let another child go.
Later, the teacher learned that the boy had been severely criticized by his parents for his poor grades in the last competition, so that his favorite Lego could be confiscated.
Parents' attitudes towards frustration have a direct impact on how children cope with frustration. If parents show disappointment or impatience when their children encounter setbacks, their children will be afraid of setbacks and will avoid them.
Therefore, parents should guide their children with positive and positive emotions. For example, when a child encounters a problem or setback, you can say something like this: "It's nothing, mom has been in this situation before." "Come on, kid, I'll always be there for you. ”
Parents should often talk to their children about failures and difficulties, so that children can realize that difficulties and failures are encountered many times in everyone's life, and it is a stepping stone and a wealth on the road to growth. When a child realizes the meaning of setbacks, he will not be afraid of failure and dare to challenge.
3. Don't take frustration education to the surface
Many of our so-called frustration education is actually too formalistic and superficial.
For example, like a well-known program in China, let children eat wild vegetables and live in a broken house...... I thought that this would make the children suffer a little and make some changes, but as a result, many children returned to their original homes after the experience, and after the first two days, they were a little better, and they would relapse within a few days.
Why, because this so-called frustration education is too formalized and superficial.
The real frustration education is to let children learn to persevere in challenges, not to avoid difficulties in the face of difficulties, and to face difficulties with self-confidence.
For example, a child thinks this math problem is so difficult that he doesn't want to do it. At this time, parents should not tell the child the answer directly, but guide him to read the math book, understand the relevant knowledge points in the book, inspire his thinking, and let him try the same problem type several times. Through hard work, when the child finally solves the problem on his own, he will sincerely feel a sense of accomplishment and pride.
The reason why superficial frustration education will not have a long-term effect is that in this frustration education, the parent's education method has not changed, and after the child returns to his original living environment, he will soon experience the same as before, and there is not much change, and it is difficult for such a big child to have a great feeling from the psychology, so the effect will not be obvious.
Proper frustration education is a compulsory course in children's life and can increase their psychological resilience. Parents must educate their children patiently and guide them to experience the thrill of overcoming setbacks, so as to help them learn to face setbacks bravely.
Everyone will encounter a lot of difficulties, challenges and setbacks in their lives, if parents properly carry out frustration education in the process of their children's growth, children will not grow up to be a cowardly, incompetent, and afraid of failure;