What we've been looking for is what we have.
We are always looking around, but we miss what we want, and that's why we still can't get what we want.
The mediocre people disturb themselves, the wise people cross themselves, and we must understand that it is ourselves that really bothers people in this world.
We always look forward to a good life or envy the lives of others.
But we don't know that there is only one person in the world who can really determine our fortune, and that is ourselves.
People have three phases, they are not rich but prosperous, and they cultivate up.
Phase 1: Recognize yourself
On the lintel of the temple of Apollo in Greece is inscribed with two words, which translates to "Know thyself".
In life, there are many people who are accustomed to holding a magnifying glass to observe and evaluate others, but few people are willing to explore themselves;
I think I know myself very well, but in fact, I see flowers in the fog.
In this way, in the coming and going, everyone seems to forget that the biggest proposition of a person's life is to recognize himself.
As Lao Tzu said:
"Acquaintance Wisdom, Self-Knowing."
Su Shi described Lushan in "The Title of the Western Forest Wall" as follows:
"Horizontally, it is a peak on the side of the ridge, and the height is different from far and near.
I don't know the true face of Lushan, only because I am in this mountain. ”
Later, people often used the two sentences "I don't know the true face of Lushan, only because I am in this mountain" to illustrate people's difficulty in knowing themselves.
And this phenomenon is also known as the "Su Dongpo effect" in psychology.
An American psychologist has done an experiment that confirms that people have a large bias in their judgment.
They brought together 25 people who knew each other well and asked them to rank themselves and others in nine areas.
These 9 aspects are elegant, humorous, intelligent, sociable, hygienic, beautiful, arrogant, snobbish, and rude.
In the end, it was found that these 25 people would have a tendency to exaggerate their strengths and cover up their weaknesses to varying degrees.
For example, one person thinks that he is "urbane" in the top ranking, but the other 24 people give an average of "urbane" in the reciprocal.
I saw a passage in "The Reader" and thought it was true:
"Knowing ourselves is the beginning and end of all our careers, and throughout our lives, we know ourselves.
It has been said that the sun is always on that side, and it circles in an arc on the road, and I am always on this side of the shadow, but I never lose faith in the sun. ”
Yes, if you want to control life, you must first recognize yourself, neither be arrogant nor overestimate yourself.
Only by knowing how to recognize your own advantages can you not be arrogant or impatient when you achieve results, have the courage to challenge when you encounter setbacks, and take advantage of the trend to grasp the steering wheel of life.
Phase 2: Accept yourself
Gibran tells this story in "Greedy Violet":
There is a violet that has been lying on the ground to survive, and it feels very humble to live like this, and it has always longed to be a rose in the sky.
Finally, one day, Violet tried her best to become the rose of her dreams, but it didn't take long for her to be destroyed by a storm.
The survivors of the storm are precisely the lowly violets and the inconspicuous grass.
This can't help but remind me of the words in "The Story of the Mountain and the Moon" that I often read:
"I was afraid that I was not a beautiful jade, so I didn't dare to work it.
But he half-believed that he was a beautiful jade, so he refused to be busy with the rubble.
As a result, I gradually detached myself from the mortal world and alienated myself from the world, and as a result, resentment and shame grew more and more cowardly self-esteem in my heart. ”
Each of us should calmly accept our own imperfections, be willing to be ordinary but not willing to be ordinary and corrupt, not to break or stand, not to be afraid and not to panic.
Psychologist Carl Jung once said:
"For ordinary people, the most important thing in life is to learn to accept yourself. ”
I read this passage in a book before:
"A lot of people would rather choose 0 than get 50 because they firmly believe that perfection is the only criterion.
If they can't achieve perfection, they won't even take a step. ”
There was a mountaineer who had been preparing for the conquest of Mount Everest for several years.
But when he climbed to an altitude of 7,000 meters, he still had some physical strength and resolutely chose to retreat.
Many people were puzzled by this, explaining:
"For me, 7,000 meters is already a miracle. ”
At this time, it seemed that there was only one step away from reaching the top, but he clearly knew his limits, and he also knew that being reckless would only bring danger to his life.
Whether you are facing yourself in the highlight moment, or facing yourself in the face of low and dazed, only by fully accepting your imperfections can you work and change peacefully and without blame.
The most perfect state is not that you never make mistakes, but that you never give up on growth.
Remember, there are thousands of fireworks in the world, it is better to have a touch of splendor, and only by accepting yourself can you break through yourself.
Third phase: please yourself
Zhang Xiaoxian said:
"How many years have you been trying to please others, the people you want to please, the world, and how many years will it take for you to know how to please yourself?"
Yes, many people spend their lives busy and living for others.
As everyone knows, in life, the person who should not be let down the most is himself.
My colleague Xu Yan has always been delicate and neat since I met her.
With stylish wavy curls and light makeup, the whole person looks very clean and eye-catching.
Xu Yan never shows herself sloppy, even if she goes downstairs to pick up a courier, she will clean herself up.
In the company, Xu Yan will touch up her makeup during the break.
Some colleagues saw it and said:
"You don't have to be so beautiful, you are in the office all day in front of the computer, no one looks at you, how troublesome. ”
What's more, she will complain about her delicacy behind Xu Yan's back, which is very ugly.
Xu Yan didn't know about these, but she didn't care, she said that she was dressed up to show herself and please herself.
No matter how others understand her, she still goes her own way and lives every day with great energy.
Xiao Xiao, the debater in "Wonderful Sayings", once said:
"There is no need to rush to reconcile with the world, because the world is not always right.
Don't care what others look at you, it's more important for you to be comfortable. ”
You must know that the most comfortable life is never in the mouth of others.
Only by going with your heart and being kind to yourself can you love the person you want to love, do what you want to do, and live the life you want to live.
A person can only live once, so you really don't have to care too much about other people's eyes.
When you reach a certain age, you will understand that it is more important to live for yourself once than anything else.
Learning to love yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Even if there are 3,000 troubles in the world and 10,000 evaluations in the world, there are thousands of antidotes.
Allowing yourself to live each day is the greatest meaning of your efforts.
Life is like a reverse journey, you and I are both pedestrians.
Only by constantly knowing, accepting, and pleasing oneself can we live the meaning of life and have a worthwhile life.