Contributor: Ms. Li (Disclaimer: This article is not my own experience, but is based on the narrator's words)
My husband and I had just received our marriage certificates, and before we could celebrate as a family, my mother-in-law gave me an order: "Both boys and girls must have two children." ”
These words made me feel very uncomfortable, whether I want to have a child or not, it is a matter between me and my husband, why should my mother-in-law ask for it, I directly retorted: "Then what if I have a child?"
The mother-in-law said with an unusually tough attitude: "You don't count this matter!"
I silently rolled my eyes in my heart: My belly, of course I have the final say on whether I give birth or not, and I can say it or not.
01
My husband and I were high school classmates and had no contact for four years in college, but I didn't expect a class reunion, we sat together and talked a lot, plus I had a crush on him before, and I kept looking for topics.
Later, the two of us were together naturally.
Our family, when it comes to the economic situation, is indeed a good match.
My dad is a high school teacher, and my mother works as an accountant in my uncle's factory, and she also gets a dividend every year.
My father-in-law works in a machine shop, and my mother-in-law raises rabbits and makes a lot of money.
But the cultural thinking of our family is much higher than that of my husband's family, after all, my parents are serious undergraduate or junior college graduates.
And the father-in-law and mother-in-law have not read much, and the mother-in-law's thinking is particularly feudal.
After I got married, I found that my mother-in-law was very stubborn about having children.
On the day I received the certificate, my mother-in-law asked me to have two children in a commanding tone.
Let's not talk about whether I want to give birth or not, how high is the cost of raising a child now, a child from childhood to adulthood, even if he is not rich, at least 400,000 yuan, 800,000 yuan to have two children, how can there be so much money.
What's more, my husband and I are busy with work, I work in a bank, and my daily performance pressure is very high, and my husband is a programmer, so how can he have so much energy and time.
I didn't take my mother-in-law's words to heart, and I didn't live with my husband anyway, so we could live our lives as much as we wanted.
Two years after I got married, I became pregnant, and my mother-in-law was so happy that she often called my husband and I to go to their house for dinner.
At the dinner table, she kept telling me the precautions for pregnancy, the first three months to have a good baby, if I was too tired, I would take a vacation, and she was willing to pay for me.
I thought to myself: The weasel gave the chicken a New Year's greeting, so I didn't have a good heart. But on the surface, I still accepted my mother-in-law's opinion with a smile and said: "Oh, Mom, it's all scientific fetal care now, I will definitely pay attention to what I should pay attention to, after all, it's my child, and I don't want to take a vacation, I'm in the promotion period, just spend the money you earn for yourself." ”
My mother-in-law didn't take me seriously as usual, but said, "Xiuxiu, you can be happy, and Mom is also for your good." ”
When I was in the second trimester, I learned about my mother-in-law's intentions, and she was particularly patriarchal.
Every time I went to the prenatal checkup, my mother-in-law always wanted to ask if it was a boy or a girl.
The scene was very embarrassing, and I didn't want my mother-in-law to accompany me for the prenatal checkup, but my mother had to go to work every day, staring at the ledger, and the time was not very free.
I had no choice but to ask my mother-in-law to accompany me.
And I went to my mother-in-law's house for dinner several times, and my mother-in-law always prepared some sour food for me, and I could see that her idea of holding her grandson was very strong, and she was very superstitious about the saying of "sour and spicy girls".
Seeing my mother-in-law's face, I was very irritable, deliberately against her, every time I eat, I have to eat spicy fish and spicy shrimp by name, if there is no chili pepper on the dinner table, I will lose my temper.
Every time my mother-in-law heard that I wanted to eat spicy food, her face would change, and she would reluctantly go to the kitchen to cook something for me.
Finally, when the due date came, my husband and I were waiting in the hospital to give birth, and at this time I didn't want to compete with my mother-in-law, but I was very upset when I saw her, so I asked my husband not to let my mother-in-law come to the hospital, but only let my parents come to the hospital to take care of me.
But my mother-in-law knew that I was going to give birth, so she hurried to the hospital, and her height of 1.55 meters and weight of 140 pounds rushed to my side like a ball.
"Mom, you're here, my stomach hasn't moved yet, don't be so excited, there are so many people in the hospital, you and Dad go home to prepare things, and you have to stay in the hospital for a few days." I said in a bad tone to my mother-in-law.
"What are you talking about, giving birth to a child is a ghost door, and I have to be here with you. My mother-in-law's words made me even more upset, I was afraid of having children, and I was told words like "ghost gate".
Soon, I started to react and was wheeled into the delivery room.
I gave birth to a lovely daughter, and my husband was very happy.
But the mother-in-law's face was very bad, and she said, "What are you stupid and happy, what is there to be happy about being a daughter, I'm leaving." ”
I knew that my mother-in-law only thought about holding her grandson in her heart, what age is it still patriarchal, what's wrong with her daughter, isn't she also a woman?
Although I complained in my heart, I didn't show it, and there was no need to be angry at this time because of my mother-in-law's attitude towards my daughter.
02
Compared with the mother-in-law, the father-in-law's liking for his granddaughter is indescribable.
Looking at the soft and glutinous little granddaughter, my father-in-law, a big man, often comes to my house to see the children, and he doesn't know how to change diapers and learns hard, because his hands are rough, he never dares to touch his daughter's face.
And my daughter's diapers are washed by my father-in-law, and he said that he is a man, and sometimes it is inconvenient to enter my house, and he can still help with these things.
The daughter also likes her father-in-law very much, and after she can speak, she always calls "grandpa, grandpa" sweetly.
And my mother-in-law, since I gave birth to my daughter, has rarely come.
Even when she comes to the house, she will not take the initiative to hug her daughter, and always has a reluctant expression.
I looked very angry, so I said something to my mother-in-law very seriously.
After the child went to kindergarten, my mother-in-law never stopped thinking of giving birth to a second child, not only that, but also pulled the seventh aunt and the eighth aunt to persuade me together.
This old man is very old, he is very nagging, my aunt is all kinds of benefits for me to give birth to a second child, and also persuaded me to take advantage of the young age, the age difference between the two children is small, hurry up to have a second child, and the two children can be a companion in the future.
At first, I felt like I was a junior and didn't want to refute it, but this situation became even worse.
During the Mid-Autumn Festival family gathering, my mother-in-law began to give birth to a second child again, so I didn't suppress my temper and said directly: "If you say you have a child, you will have a child?
My mother-in-law saw me lose her temper, maybe because I didn't eat oil and salt for too long, she also had a grievance, and said confidently: "I'll raise it, as long as you are willing to give birth, I will raise it for you." ”
"Mom, be sober, it's not your time to raise a child now, just raise a free-range child, now you have to raise a child at least 400,000, do you have it?"
"You don't have to worry about money, Mom will find a way, as long as you are willing to give birth, whether it is male or female. ”
As soon as I heard my mother-in-law say gender, I was even more angry, who doesn't know that she has been talking about having a second child, is it because I gave birth to a daughter, and she wants to hold her eldest grandson?
It doesn't matter if the second child is a daughter, won't my mother-in-law let me have a third child?
"You really know how to say beautiful things, and you can say everything in the scene, don't you want me to have a second child, don't you just want to hold your eldest grandson? "Maybe I didn't expect it, I directly said my mother-in-law's heart, and she was very faceless.
The mother-in-law suddenly stood up and said angrily, "You just don't know what to do!"
In the last sentence, I actually heard a trace of my mother-in-law's crying, but I feel that my mother-in-law is so strong, it shouldn't be.
But what happened later, I realized that my mother-in-law was dedicated to our good, and she really loved her.
03
When my daughter was about to enter the first grade of elementary school, she was suddenly black and dizzy.
My daughter rarely gets sick, and I am scared all of a sudden, mainly because I am busy with work and have no common sense of life, and I often read some exaggerated articles about popular science diseases, which leads me to feel that my daughter's illness is not simple.
The next day, I took my daughter directly to the hospital to have a brain CT scan, and the result was really a problem, but the dizziness was not because of this, but because my daughter had a fever.
On the CT of her daughter's brain, it was written that she had a bone tumor.
What the doctor said is that if it does not affect normal life and does not feel the sudden growth, there is no need for surgery, but for ordinary people, it is very scary to see this thing on their head.
After I got the CT report, I called my parents and in-laws and held a family meeting about my daughter.
The mother-in-law knew that her daughter had an osteoma, and she was suddenly very excited, and kept reading the CT report repeatedly, but she didn't say a word.
And my parents and father-in-law are all saying that a tumor on the head is not a trivial matter, and the doctor said that it is so, what should I do if it really affects my life, in case the benign becomes malignant, I can't afford to delay, and I think it is better to have surgery.
At this time, my mother-in-law suddenly slammed the door and came out, and when I saw it, I was very angry.
My daughters are sick, can't this grandmother care about the child?
Because of my mother-in-law's attitude, I quarreled with my husband that day, and I was very angry, and my husband coaxed me for a long time.
Unexpectedly, the next day, my mother-in-law came to our house with a brown paper bag.
"Xiuxiu, Jinxin, here is 150,000 yuan, you take it to treat your granddaughter, Mom still has two deposits, and now I can't withdraw it for the time being, if the money is not enough, Mom will ask others to borrow it." ”
I was stunned when I heard it, my mother-in-law doesn't like my daughter, it's not a day or two, and I usually let me hug it with a reluctant face, how can I take out the old book directly.
Seeing that I was there, my mother-in-law pushed me and said, "What a daze." ”
"Mom, don't you dislike girls?"
"When did I say that I don't like my granddaughter, I have never been patriarchal, I just want you to have a second child, two children can be a companion, you are both only children, can you still not know how much pressure is on supporting the elderly after the only child? Especially the little girl, will you be able to bear it then?"
"Then why don't you like to hold your daughter?"
"I raise rabbits, every day in the rabbit nest, who knows what bacteria I have, the child's resistance is weak, I don't want to hurt the child to get sick, but you have been impatient with me, so I don't dare to touch my granddaughter. ”
Hearing my mother-in-law's words, I felt very guilty, it turned out that I had misunderstood her for so many years, and my mother-in-law was also bored, and she didn't say anything about grievances.
Listening to her mother-in-law, her daughter has already undergone surgery, but it is a minor operation, and the cost is more than 10,000 yuan.
Now, I have begun to prepare for pregnancy, while I am young, I still want a second child, our burden is heavy, the burden of children is light, and the family can't be rich, but it's not that I can't afford it.