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"The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been a thorny issue in Chinese society. I said to myself in the mirror, "Throughout the ages, how many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflicts have caused family tragedies." "
"Mom, you see, this is another tragedy caused by the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I pointed to the newspaper headlines and said to my mother, "It's heartbreaking." "
"Yes, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is like a mirror, which needs to be polished by both parties. Mother said earnestly.
I thought to myself: the reason why the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is so tricky is largely due to the cognitive bias of traditional Chinese culture about the status of women. Mother-in-law, as an elder, is used to being condescending; As an outsider, the daughter-in-law should abide by the traditional virtue of "filial piety". This unequal power structure can easily breed contradictions and conflicts.
I sighed, my brow furrowed. My mother came over and patted me on the shoulder and gave me an encouraging look.
I was born into a traditional northern rural family, and my parents were ordinary farmers.
"Daughter, you're getting married soon. The mother said earnestly, "Your mother-in-law's family is not an outsider's family, you have to learn to get used to your mother-in-law, don't make trouble." "
"Yes, Mom, I know. I whispered.
My mother's words made me feel a little uneasy. I know her good intentions, but deep down, I always have a trace of reluctance to "get used to my mother-in-law". As a modern independent woman, I want marriage to be a union of two equal subjects, rather than a unilateral submission of one party.
I pursed my lips tightly, my eyes darkened. Seeing this, my mother quickly took my hand and patted it comfortingly.
My mother-in-law is a traditional rural woman with a very tough personality.
"In the future, in my house, you will come according to my rules! My mother-in-law told me right on the head.
"Yes, mother-in-law, I see. I whispered, feeling a little uneasy.
My mother-in-law's behavior made me quite uneasy. I know that she is well-intentioned by her elders, but deep down, I always have a slight discomfort with this one-sided paternalistic model. As a modern independent woman, I expect marriage to be a union of two equal subjects, rather than the suppression and control of one party over the other.
I pursed my lips tightly, my eyes darkened. Seeing this, my mother-in-law's tone softened a little, but that aura still made me feel depressed.
In the first few months of marriage, I tried to be a "qualified" daughter-in-law as my mother-in-law asked.
"Daughter-in-law, today's dish is well done, but there is more salt. The mother-in-law commented.
"Yes, mother-in-law, I'll pay attention next time. I replied respectfully.
"By the way, you have to play cards with me in the evening, I haven't had a good appetite lately, so I'm glad to have a companion. The mother-in-law said.
"Okay mother-in-law, I will definitely accompany you. "
Every comment from my mother-in-law is something I keep in mind. I told myself to learn to be tolerant and to respect my elders. However, there is always a trace of irritability in the depths of my heart. I'm an independent modern woman, so why should I follow the will of others? I also have my own way of life and pursuits.
I kept my head down and a forced smile on my face. Seeing this, the mother-in-law didn't pay much attention to it, and drank tea by herself, with an indifferent face.
As the days went by, my mother-in-law demanded more and more from me, and my dissatisfaction grew.
"Daughter-in-law, what are you doing? Why haven't you boiled mung bean soup for me?" The mother-in-law asked displeasedly.
"Mother-in-law, I just came back from work at work, so you should drink some boiling water first. I said tiredly.
"What do you mean to drink boiling water first? I love mung bean soup, are you too troublesome?" The mother-in-law said angrily.
My heart was filled with anger and helplessness. I am a very enterprising professional woman, working more than ten hours a day, barely making ends meet. Why don't I even have a little freedom when I go home? Am I my mother-in-law's servant? I also have my own way of life and pursuits!
I clenched my fists tightly, my brow furrowed. Seeing this, my mother-in-law became even more annoyed and scolded me with spit flying. I took a deep breath, suppressed the anger in my heart, and turned to go to the kitchen.
The conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is getting more and more serious, and I know that if this continues, family harmony will be impossible. It's time for a change.
"Husband, we have to talk about it, I really can't accept my life now. I said to my husband.
"What's the matter, daughter-in-law, did you quarrel with your mother again?" The husband said helplessly.
"It's not just the quarrel, it's that the contradictions between us have accumulated too much. I said earnestly, "I know Mom is doing it for my good, but I really can't accept what she's doing." "
I know that changing the status quo is never easy. My mother-in-law's thinking is rooted in tradition, while I am a modern, independent woman, and our values are hugely different. But I was determined to fight for my way of life and dignity. I can't always follow my mother-in-law's will, and I also have my own life pursuits.
I clenched my fists tightly and looked steadfast. My husband saw my determination, sighed, and said nothing.
I started doing my best to change the situation.
"Mom, we have to talk. One day, I plucked up the courage to say to my mother-in-law, "I know you're doing it for my good, but there are some things I really can't accept." "
"What's the matter? I'm all for your good!" The mother-in-law said angrily.
"For example, you always ask me to follow your will, but I also have my own way of life and pursuits. I said, "We should be equal and respect each other." "
Faced with my mother-in-law's doubts, I struggled inwardly. On the one hand, I know that my mother-in-law's approach is based on traditional concepts and is a kind of respect for the elders. On the other hand, I can't fully accept this unequal mode of getting along. I wander between tradition and modernity, looking for a way to get the best of both worlds.
I looked at my mother-in-law steadfastly, and there was earnestness in my eyes. My mother-in-law was touched by my sincerity and softened her expression a little, but soon regained her toughness.
In the face of my efforts, my mother-in-law has always been tough.
"You're saying that, but I can't change my old bones. The mother-in-law said, "In my house, you still have to follow my rules!"
"But mother-in-law, we should also be considerate of each other. "I tried to convince her.
"I have been worried about you for so many years, where have you ever forgiven me?" The mother-in-law said angrily.
I couldn't be more disappointed. I thought that through honest communication, my mother-in-law would change a little, but her thinking was so ingrained that she couldn't accept my point of view at all. I'm beginning to wonder if it's possible to reach a consensus with her, and maybe we're doomed to not be able to resolve our differences.
I lowered my head, my eyes gloomy. Seeing this, the mother-in-law's tone softened a little, but she quickly straightened her face again. I sighed, and now the impasse seemed to be unsolvable.
In the conflict between me and my mother-in-law, my family was also divided into two factions.
"Mom, you're too stubborn. My husband tried to convince his mother-in-law, "My daughter-in-law's request is reasonable." "
"Reasonable? She's still too young to grow!" The mother-in-law disagreed.
"My sister has a point. The brother-in-law at home spoke out in support of me, "The current society is changing, and our concepts must keep up." "
"Are you confused? The mother-in-law said categorically.