There is a saying in the Tao Te Ching: "The husband is the only one who does not fight, so the world cannot fight with him." ”
When I was young, I always wanted to argue with others to prove myself;
The older I get, the more I understand that all arguments in life, whether won or lost, have a price.
If you keep arguing, you will only let yourself fall into the abyss in excessive calculation.
And the highest level of getting along with others is "indisputable".
01.
Don't argue with your family
In the best-selling book "Pingru Meitang", it records the 60-year married life of writer Rao Pingru and his wife Meitang.
In the book, there is the sweetness of their feelings, but also the trivialities of their lives.
And their love story has become a model for contemporary couples, and has been praised and learned by thousands of people.
Rao Pingru usually loves to read, and in order to support him, his wife took on all the housework at home.
And when his wife is sick, Pingru will also take care of her.
His wife is a knife-mouthed tofu-hearted person, and he often complains about Pingru, but he never cares about it, and he doesn't take it to heart.
Because he knows that although his wife is unforgiving in her mouth, her heart is very soft.
In other words, they also once had a disagreement over a trivial matter.
At that time, Pingru was emotional, and in anger, he threw a hot water kettle on the ground, and his wife Meitang had never seen her husband lose such a temper, so she was immediately scared and cried.
At this time, Rao Pingru knew that if they continued to quarrel like this, they would definitely hurt each other.
So, he immediately walked up to his wife, took her hand and apologized to her, saying that he shouldn't have been so impulsive.
The wife looked at Pingru, who had already bowed her head and admitted her mistake, so she didn't care anymore, and the two reconciled as before.
Their married life, of course, has all kinds of stumbles.
But every time there is a conflict, they will not fight for each other, but understand each other and tolerate each other.
It is this kind of indisputability that has allowed them to walk hand in hand for 60 years.
While being touched by their feelings, I also envy the way they get along.
In fact, this kind of forbearance is the most important lubricant in a relationship.
Someone on Zhihu once asked: "What is the ultimate secret of a happy family?"
One of the high praisers replied, "There is no right or wrong." ”
Arguing will not solve any problems, and it will also create estrangement between each other.
In family relationships, if you have to fight for right and wrong in everything, then the relationship will be in jeopardy.
As the saying goes, home is not a place of reason, and winning reason loses feelings.
With less quarrels and more compromises, the feelings for each other will be deeper.
02.
Don't fight for face with friends
has seen the story of Zhang Ailing and Yan Ying, which is very embarrassing.
At the beginning, Zhang Ailing was in a good mood, and almost every article she wrote a story about Yan Ying, and the two had a very close relationship.
Yan Ying also relied on Zhang Ailing to meet many celebrities, but her heart was not only happy, but also lost and jealous.
Later, the wheel of fate turned over, Yan Ying had a prosperous life, but Zhang Ailing went to the United States and relied on her relief to survive.
After that, Yan Ying wrote to Zhang Ailing many times, just to fight for a high and low level and win back the face she lost before.
Therefore, knowing that Zhang Ailing was down, she still kept talking about how much money she earned, praising how popular she was with men, and she was in a lofty posture between the lines.
Zhang Ailing was very disgusted with Yan Ying's style, so she began to gradually become estranged, so that in the end, the two broke off their relationship.
Competing with friends seems to have won face, but in fact it has lost people's hearts.
And true friendship is never about competing with each other, but about the sincerity of hearts and minds.
The friendship between Cai Lan and Jin Yong was once rumored to be a good story in the early years.
At that time, Jin Yong was brilliant and was known as the first of the four talents in Hong Kong, although Cai Lan was also among them, he was rated as the last.
Some people complained about Cai Lan, but he had no intention of fighting, and thought that Mr. Jin Yong was worthy of his name, and he was at most just a gangster compared to him.
In Cai Lan's view, Jin Yong is talented, interesting, knowledgeable, and it is already a great blessing that he can associate with him.
Jin Yong's book royalties are very high, so his life is relatively rich, usually the two eat together, Jin Yong will pay the bill, and Cai Lan is also willing, never rushing to pay, let alone feeling that he has lost face.
The so-called, money is easy to get, but confidants are hard to find.
Between friends, only by not arguing or comparing can the boat of friendship brave the wind and waves and last for a long time.
03.
It's not reasonable to be with the villain
When Hu Shi first arrived at Peking University, he founded the magazine "New Youth" with Chen Duxiu, Qian Xuan, and others.
Sometimes, in order to determine the topic selection and layout content, Hu Shi can discuss with them all day.
But when encountering retro literati desperately smearing their articles and character, even if they were scolded excessively, Hu Shi did not say a word and never responded positively.
Some people told him that allowing these negative voices to continue to clamor would mislead readers who did not know what was going on, and the impact would be incalculable.
It is better to publish some counter-attack articles to refute the retro faction speechlessly, and the magazine "New Youth" will naturally be recognized by more people.
After hearing this, Hu Shi shook his head: "Not only will this not be possible, but it will turn the magazine that promotes the new culture into a noisy street literature." ”
Because he knew that when he discussed with his friends, he was meeting friends in writing.
No matter how fierce it is, it is not the right thing or the person, and you can speak freely in the argument.
But those retro school members are deliberately making things difficult, and the more you try to refute them with reason, the more they will fight.
The only way is to remain silent, and after a long time, they will naturally find it boring and stop talking.
Later, as Hu Shi expected, those troublesome voices disappeared after a while, and the magazine "New Youth" gradually attracted everyone's attention.
In the face of unwarranted malicious accusations, it is better to be silent than to argue.
People who understand you don't need to say much, and those who don't understand you don't have to say more.
Even so, it is better to avoid it decently, to leave room for others, and also to leave room for yourself.
As Lincoln said:
"Instead of fighting with a dog, let it go first. Because it's not honorable to beat a dog, but it's unlucky to be bitten by a dog. ”
When encountering bad people and bad things, not fighting is not a compromise, but a kind of stop loss.
often compete with gentlemen, and don't talk about the short and long with the villain.
In life, being able to speak is an art, but closing your mouth at the right time is a big pattern.
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Benjamin Franklin once said, "The heart of a fool is in his mouth, and the mouth of a wise man is in his heart." ”
Interaction between people, in the final analysis, is a process of cultivating the mouth and mind.
Knowing how to be silent is where the real transparency lies.
Only in this way can we be comfortable in our relationships.