I saw a topic on Zhihu:
"Which is more terrible, not getting married or marrying the wrong person?"
Netizens left messages one after another, telling their personal experiences.
Unlike what I imagined, not getting married doesn't seem to be as chic as expected, and those who regret marrying the wrong person envy those outside the siege.
In fact, marriage is not so scary, the key is to meet the right person.
Problems that used to be solved by one person can now be faced by two people together;
The happiness that was once something that could only be experienced alone can now be shared with him.
More and more people are reluctant to compromise on marriage.
Remembering the "Chinese Population Census Yearbook 2020" released some time ago, it has attracted a lot of attention:
In 2020, the average age of first marriage among Chinese rose to 28.67.
In 2010, the average age of first marriage for Chinese was 24.89 years old.
In the past 10 years, the average age of first marriage in China has been pushed back by nearly four years.
Some people say:
"Today's young people are not only getting married later, but some are not even willing to get married. ”
People can't help but ask:
"What happened to this class of young people?"
In fact, when many young people say "I don't decide to get married at the moment", what they really want to convey is "I won't get married easily until I figure it out".
Those young people who say that "wise men do not fall in love" are far more sober and determined than we imagined.
Contemporary young people's view of marriage:
Don't get married easily, don't divorce casually
Someone on the Internet once asked a question:
"Is it irresponsible for young people not to get married?"
Here's an answer that pierces people's hearts:
"It's not so much that young people are irresponsible, it's that they want to be responsible too much.
There are a lot of young people around me who have their own views on marriage.
They don't settle for easy, and they don't marry for the sake of getting married.
Compared with the older generation, they pay more attention to the three views and spiritual resonance when they get married. ”
There was a previous survey for the post-90s: what do you think is the most important thing in marriage?
The results of the survey are surprising, and the three views far exceed the personality appearance, economic conditions, and educational level, and rank first.
The variety show "90 Marriage Agency" is a dating show for young people, hosted by Meng Fei, the famous host of "If You Are Honest, Do Not Disturb".
There are four rooms in the show, namely: past, future, interests and values.
Among them, the most popular is the "value room".
Young people will use chat to confirm whether the other person is the "right person":
For example, they will discuss the question "Who is more important in your mind":
"If your boyfriend says he doesn't like cats, will you give up having a cat for him?"
There are also questions about the birth and maintenance of children:
"Do you want children after marriage?
When to do it?
Who's going to take it when you're born?"
The reason why young people are so cautious is that they are afraid that they will make a mistake, delay themselves and each other, and fail their marriage.
If you enter the marriage hastily, those vague issues before marriage may become a bomb that falls apart after marriage.
Getting married is never a trivial matter, but a well-thought-out choice.
Warren Buffett said:
"The most important decision in your life is who you want to marry.
When it comes to choosing a partner, if you're wrong, you'll lose a lot.
And the losses aren't just monetary. ”
What kind of person you choose to marry is equivalent to what kind of lifestyle you choose.
In the same way, marriage needs to be managed.
It requires two people, with mature minds, rational minds, and sincere hearts, to guard together, year after year.
Having a comprehensive and full understanding of marriage is the only way to be responsible for oneself and a better marriage.
Behind the children who do not want to marry
There are parents who don't love each other standing
If you look at life, you'll find:
Divorce seems to be a common thing, but in fact, compared to the younger generation, the older generation often does not divorce easily.
Therefore, some people sighed:
"In the previous generation, people would want to fix anything when it was broken, but now they want to change it when it is broken. ”
Could it be that the love of the older generation is stronger and more touching than that of the younger generation?
Maybe it's just because the older generation knows how to "tolerate" when faced with shortcomings.
Writer Bi Shumin said:
"Marriage requires patience, long-lasting, continuous, determined endurance.
Patience for a wayward girl to grow into a capable wife, patience for a young man who is not good at work to become a rock-solid man, patience for children to grow up in crying and constant wrestling;
Endure each other's gray hair and burnout, endure the friction and fission of character, endure loneliness and wind cold. ”
Many people will say that marriage is a word of "forbearance" in the end, but this does not mean that marriage needs to be inclusive without a bottom line.
There was a discussion on Weibo:
"What did you learn from your parents' marriage?"
The answer with the highest likes quoted a line from the movie "Spring Tide":
"I don't want to marry a man like my father, I don't want to be a woman like my mother, I don't want to have a child like myself. ”
According to psychologist Adler:
"A child's pattern of intimacy comes largely from the parents. ”
If the relationship between the parents is bad, the child will be resistant to intimacy and will not have the confidence to manage a relationship well.
A few days ago, I was having dinner with friends and talking about the topic of "urging marriage".
Many people have been urged by their families to have a "big head", especially my friend Xiaomin, who is over 30 years old, but is still unmarried and has never been in love.
In the face of her parents' strong urging to marry, she said helplessly:
"I have a deep fear of marriage.
My dad cheated on me and my mom often quarreled with him.
They would also speak ill of each other in front of me, and sometimes even forced me to stand in line and asked me to help scold me.
But even so, my mother said that it was for me that she would not go to the divorce.
After graduating from college, they urged me to get married.
The meaning of marriage, some people have not clarified it for a lifetime, but they still want the next generation to 'repeat the mistakes of the past'.
I believe that there is love in this world, but I don't believe that I can meet it. ”
Loving and being loved is originally the most beautiful thing in the world, but children who have never seen love will have an instinctive fear of love.
And those children who grow up in the infiltration of love will know how to love themselves and how to love others.
Yang Jiang recorded such an incident in "Our Qianyu".
Once she and Qian Zhongshu took their daughter to a restaurant for dinner, and her daughter saw a pair of parents arguing at the next table, and said with emotion:
"I've always felt that a child whose parents love her is lucky because she has seen what a good relationship looks like.
As a result, they have a keen sense of love for health, and then they know how to run in the right direction.
So I am especially grateful to my parents because you love each other and you are so harmonious, so I consider myself a lucky child. ”
Parents who love each other can raise children who have confidence in love and yearn for it.
Those children who are raised in an atmosphere of love between parents will also give back to life with love.
A good partner heals each other throughout their lives
Some time ago, I watched a speech about "happiness".
The speaker, a professor at Harvard Medical School, spent 76 years following 724 people and found that happy lives ultimately have one thing in common:
That is, good relationships make us happier and healthier, and those who are most satisfied with their intimate relationships at the age of 50 are the healthiest at the age of 80.
Luo Yonghao once mentioned his married life in an interview:
"I have a lot of middle-aged friends who are not very well married, and they really have no way to solve it, so they can only hold on to their friends for drinking.
But I know very well that holding on to a friend for a drink can't solve the loneliness after returning home, and I still have my eyes open when I go back until dawn.
I'm different, I have a wife when I get home.
Just smelling her body, like the smell in her hair, I almost felt like I was inhaling a therapeutic potion, like 'sucking a'. ”
Life is difficult to break through, marriage is not easy, but good partners can heal each other.
In "The World", Zheng Juan and Zhou Bingkun are like this.
When the two first met, it was when Zheng Juan was the most depressed.
Her fiancé died, her mother was old, and she had a blind brother at home, who was raped and became pregnant out of wedlock.
When she was most helpless, it was Zhou Bingkun who reached out and grabbed her and dragged her out of the mud.
Later, Zhou Bingkun got into trouble, and it was Zheng Juan who stepped forward and supported a family for Zhou Bingkun.
Not only do they never leave each other in times of trouble, but they can also experience each other's subtle thoughts in their daily interactions.
There is such a detail in the play.
When Zhou's father took a large family to visit relatives and friends to pay New Year's greetings, he proudly emphasized that his eldest son and daughter were both Peking University students.
As the youngest son in the family, Zhou Bingkun looked lonely when he heard this.
The others didn't pay attention, only Zheng Juan immediately sensed that he was not feeling good in his heart, held his hand tightly, and gave him silent support.
Justice Anthony Kennedy said:
"Marriage responds to a universal fear, a lonely man shouting loudly, only to find that no one is there.
It gives people a sense of hope, companionship, understanding and security, that 'someone will care about you'. ”
This is probably the greatest meaning of marriage.
Perhaps many of us have experienced an imperfect family of origin, or perhaps we often feel isolated.
Although there are not so many surprises in life, being with someone you love can heal all loneliness and sorrow, and give each other love and strength.
As Zhou Guoping said:
"Everything will be bleak in the end, only the days when the eyes of love have been gilded, and they will always shine in the deep valley of years. ”
(Material source: WeChat public account Youshu)