The narrative of the self

Text/Ren Yuqing

once dreamed of going to the end of the world with a sword...... I don't have dreams.

I have never dreamed of what life I would live at the age of 30, nor did I dream of what life I would have to live at the age of 40. In this week's turn of day and night, my thoughts probably follow the "villain has no ambition, snail horn is also good", and now I am on the road to the age of 30.

Think of my twenty-seven years old, the age of a flower, and unexpectedly face to face with death, when life was about to stop forever at that age of one year, maybe it was the love of God, I came back from the dead, and I was very happy. Feet, legs, back, arms, every time I look at the scars left on my body, I can easily think of the word "incomplete body", but fortunately my head is unscathed, I can smile silently in a self-summarized sentence, "There is a ladder on my arm, and I have gone to hell." There are tooth marks on the neck, and he has kissed an angel. ”

In the years that followed, I was like a loner outside the world, often sitting in the garden thinking about the relationship between life and death, laughter and tears, gain and loss, that is, living in my own inner world. Later, out of my own world, I was like a traveler who traveled the mountains and rivers, went down to the stream, climbed the hillside, went to the suburbs to see the road and bridge, went to the far field to watch the sunset, I admired the flowers and trees alone, listened to the song of the warbler, and listened to the words of the birds, which was regarded as the exchange with the sounds of nature, which often made me smile. I didn't have any friends, so I was alone and swam around like a shadow of smoke, and at that time I wrote a lot of articles entitled "Sentimental Travel", and practiced a certain level of writing. At first, I was reluctant to work, but my parents often told me that in order not to break their hearts, I ended my wandering life and worked as a news and propaganda job. After that, it is a long road of chasing love, first experienced several failed blind dates, I felt that love was too light, too extravagant, let me hate it, several times south to Chang'an, to reduce depression, I met her, I said to the girl: "You be my girlfriend." The girl said to me, "Yes." And just like that, I started a long-distance relationship. When the relationship was less than ten months, I quit my hometown job that I had done for nearly two years, and went south to Chang'an with my luggage, I didn't tell my parents before I resigned, and the following year, we got married.

Fate goes up and down, and life stumbles. From the age of twenty-seven to thirty, my life was generally north, south, north, and south, and I was always on the road, and I had to go in the direction I liked, and I had to sing my own songs, so that I felt that my life was comfortable and that I was alive.

I quit my job as an essay writer and photographer, and later joined the factory as an operator, met many people, knew many things, and became a warehouse keeper after the job transfer a year ago. It doesn't matter to me what I do now, as long as I have something to do, and doing my best to do it is all right.