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There are 3 forms of love: desire, attraction, and attachment
Many people have had the crazy experience of "falling in love". You've had at least one experience, if not many times, in your life: the wonderful feeling of sitting and watching the sunset with this very special person is truly incomparable. When you're around them, or even just thinking about them, your heart beats faster. Life seems so exciting and full of joy, as if there is only one of you left in this world. You feel like this feeling will last forever.
But as time passed, reality unfolded in front of us little by little, and that "initial feeling" gradually evolved into something else. Some will develop into a lasting love, while others will eventually be just a short-lived infatuation that will fade away. To shed more light on the distinction between love and infatuation, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher divides romantic love into three categories: desire, attraction, and attachment. Each type has a specific set of hormonal effects:
▨ Desire is associated with sexual gratification and is controlled by sex hormones such as testosterone and estrogen;▨ Attraction is controlled by dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin and is linked to "reward" behavior, which explains why the beginning of a love relationship is so exciting and dedicated; ▨ Then there is attachment, which is controlled by oxytocin (sometimes called "hugging hormone") and antidiuretic hormone, a major factor unique to long-term relationships. It's more about connection, friendship, and the intimate desire for transcendence. If you combine desire, attraction and attachment, you get "the most complete love."
▷ "Love at Sunset"
Every relationship is unique and different, so what happens in one relationship may not happen in another. The crush can end in an instant, or it can last for weeks or months. Feelings of love may appear early in the relationship, or it may take a while to develop. Here are 5 ways to help you recognize and understand the big difference between a crush and true love:
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5 ways to distinguish between "love" and "infatuation".
1. Biology is a key influencing factor
One may think that one can have complete control over one's thoughts and emotions. But when a person is attracted to someone and has strong feelings, it is largely biological factors that influence us. Neurotransmitters released by the brain flood into our body systems to produce and maintain feelings of pleasure, happiness, and even euphoria.
These hormones make us feel great, feel attracted to another person, and have the conviction that this person (and relationship) will last forever. We're actually experiencing a chemical climax. These neurotransmitters make people addicted to the feeling of "love", or "self-perceived love". But over time, this intensity wanes and the contours of reality become clearer.
If it's love, these initial feelings may also be reduced. But the neurotransmitters associated with attachment will come into play, and with it comes a desire to connect, to want to be close, to share life experiences.
2. Is it fantasy or reality?
When you fall into obsession, everything seems so perfect and beautiful. Despite knowing that life isn't perfect and often isn't pretty, when we're in this highly emotional state, it seems like everything is on track and nothing can go wrong. That's how minds are distorted. Obsession allows us to see what we only want to see, and we want to see the other person as they are, rather than who they are. We imagine that there is something we want or need there, but this is only a projection of the heart's desire, not reality. In infatuation, attraction prevails, like in a fairy tale.
In fact, life isn't all sugar-coated in the first place – there's the good, the bad, the ugly. "Love" puts more emphasis on accepting reality than what you want it to be. In true love, a partner is not only the object of our desire, but also a trusted friend. In true love, there are shared values, hopes, and dreams.
▷ "Love at Sunset"
3. Focus only on the surface or more on depth?
When you're obsessed with someone, the focus is all on the outer parts that we think are most appealing to – how we look, dress, and behave. We may often struggle with the fear that our partner may lose interest if we show something we don't like. When the obsession begins to fade and the veil of perfection is peeled off, we think that the person we love may not be the "real person".
"Love" encompasses everything about the loved one, including their mistakes and shortcomings. Love knows that no one is perfect and that we are all improving. "Love" supports, encourages and nourishes loved ones, and true love includes honesty and trust.
4. Is it "only TA in my world", or is it still self-contained?
What makes a person "obsessed" is often that idea, or idealized thing. A person can fall so far that they think about each other all day long, and their lives are completely occupied by each other. Excessive infatuation with a person can exacerbate insecurities to the point where it is necessary to control every action of your partner – they need to be around all the time, monitor their whereabouts, control their behavior. Obsession can cause a person to put their lives on hold and neglect family and friends, as well as the responsibilities that they have to cope with in their own lives.
And "love" should make two people feel relaxed in the relationship and be free to be themselves, rather than controlling and possessing.
5. Do you just crave "emotional orgasms" or accept "relationship ups and downs"?
A lot of love is pretty much the same in the beginning, but then it evolves very differently.
When in a relationship, it is helpful to know about a person's past and emotional experiences. Some people are obsessed with love, and every time they find a relationship, they believe that it is true love, thinking that they have found their "soul mate" and pursue "romantic orgasms".
However, when real life slaps them in the face (which is inevitable), they are convinced that something is wrong with the relationship, and then move on to the next romantic relationship, which also comes to an abrupt end at the end of the climax. If all they experience is an infatuation, they may never be exposed to the "true love part", where there are ups and downs, joys and disappointments, difficulties and rewards in a relationship. If you are looking for a totally good love, then be careful in this situation. While romance is wonderful, romance alone won't sustain a relationship for a long time.
▷ "Love at Sunset"
This article is compiled, original link: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-flux/202106/5-ways-to-tell-that-its-love-and-not-just-infatuation Author: Abigail Brenner Compilation & Editor: Birdman Editor: Han Bing
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