Push and pull law
The highest level of redemption must be attracted, not that you take the initiative to redeem him, but to attract the ex to take the initiative to redeem you. Some people may think: The breakup he mentioned to me and the fact that it was okay not to let me get out, how could he take the initiative to come to me to get back together?
Big mistake, if you often read my articles, you will know that I have never supported low-level and humble recombination, either a high-profile turnaround, or an equal perspective of reconciliation.
There is nothing impossible in the emotional world, it's just that you haven't found a way, my emotional combat cases in the past few years have not been done in vain, after all, the success rate is there.
But I also said in the front, if you want your ex to take the initiative to redeem you, you need two conditions to achieve this goal, one is value, and the other is skill.
There is nothing to say about the value, but you have changed something after the breakup, and you can make your ex feel that you are still his best choice, then he will definitely take the initiative to come back.
But it's not easy to do this, because considering the difference in everyone's self-esteem level, sometimes even if your ex regrets it very much, it won't necessarily come back to you, so that's when we need to work with skills.
But if you want to repair your feelings, the law of pushing and pulling is a compulsory course that cannot be bypassed
Push and pull, we can understand it literally, that is, to push it out and pull it back.
In the handling of relationships, he occasionally expresses interest in the other party, and occasionally acts very indifferent, showing an indifferent attitude.
At this time, the other person will be curious, want to know what kind of existence is in your mind, start to pay attention to your attitude, and will take the initiative to do something to attract your attention and invest in you.
This is the precursor to the success of the reunion.
So to complete the push and pull, we must first have a foundation, here I have to introduce a concept to you: frame.
To put it bluntly, it's principles, building frameworks
It's about building on your own principles and making the other person feel that your framework is inviolable. What are the benefits of doing this?
The biggest advantage is that it shows that you are evenly matched, and even if you break up, you are both equal in position.
This step is very necessary, because I found that more than eighty percent of the people who want to redeem their predecessors are unconsciously inferior, and they dare not ask for something but dare not put it forward, and finally muster up the courage to have a showdown, and they already want to run away without receiving a reply, which is so humble that it is funny and distressed.
But distress is distress, and there is a fact in front of everyone: a person who fails to establish a framework will never be able to attract others.
It's not hard to understand this, if you don't even pay attention to your own feelings, who cares and respects you? The framework is the principle of the self, the courage to say "no" to the person you like.
Embodied in behavior, it is "push"
However, it is not right to just have the action of "pushing", you care too much about the establishment of the framework, you are full of principles, and you refuse to do anything, and over time, the other party will lose interest in you.
Since your goal is to redeem, you have to have the action of "pulling", and after pushing it out, do something to pull the other person back.
Here's an example
After a period of time after the breakup, you and your ex can already chat and get along like regular friends.
Recently he told you that there is a good new restaurant, do you want to try it on the weekend? Of course you want to say yes, but in order to maintain the framework and not appear to revolve around the other party, it is better to push it away first.
Tell him "I can't do it on weekends, I have to go on a business trip", this is the framework, telling the other party from the side that work is more important than you, which belongs to the action of "pushing".
After pushing, it might be a little embarrassing, right? If you don't feel easy, the other party won't feel good, after all, the invitation is rejected, and he may not take the initiative next time.
So let's do a "pull" action right away, and you can say, "Well, I'm back from a business trip, how about I take the initiative to invite you to dinner?" I heard that the city where I went on a business trip has a very famous souvenir, I can just bring you a copy."
Be careful, don't say "I'll bring you a souvenir for compensation", because you don't have to apologize, your frame deserves respect, and you don't owe him.
In this way, the push and pull will make the other party have mood swings, but it will not be disgusted, and it will only respect your framework principles more.
If you are not satisfied, you can add another sentence "I can still afford a souvenir within 100 yuan" to show your humor, close the distance, and at the same time be another small push away.
Because the other party knows that you are joking, not only will he not care, but will be more willing to talk to you more, and even continue to extend the topic down.
In a complete push and pull, the other person will feel like riding a roller coaster, and there will be that kind of high-and-low stimulation experience, which is much more effective than you blindly obeying him and pleasing him, and it is easy to mobilize the atmosphere.
However, keep in mind that the process of pushing and pulling is to be carried out alternately, only pushing and not pulling will completely widen the distance, and only pulling and not pushing will become kneeling and licking, and the other party will not be expected to have the next conversation if they do not get emotional satisfaction.
Therefore, in our actual operation, whether it is pushing or pulling, we must determine the degree of expression of the words according to your situation at the time.
Jokes that go too far will seem offensive, and even if he doesn't get angry, he won't get the point you want to say, and the atmosphere will become awkward.
So generally after the other party answers, you have to learn to withdraw depending on the situation, because in the impression of your ex, you are somewhat premeditated, at first he felt that you were deliberately approaching, but it turned out that you just came to talk about things, so as to achieve our goal.
Finally, I would like to add to you, remember to keep a normal heart, don't be afraid when pushing, don't immediately pick up the sentence "just kidding" in order to hide your embarrassment, then there is no point in pushing, and it doesn't feel funny to the other party, and the rhythm of the whole conversation collapses.
Rhythm is important, and so is mentality.
Redemption is a psychological game between yourself and your ex after reinventing yourself, and the value plus skill is enough to attract the ex and let him take the initiative to redeem you.
Okay, that's all for this issue, if you still have emotional problems that you want to solve, you can come directly to the background and poke me to chat.