-01
Feelings are never fair
In this world, there is never "fairness", including feelings.
In an intimate relationship, there will inevitably be one party who trembles and walks on thin ice;
The other party receives the gift and is surrounded by love.
Love that goes both ways rarely happens in adult relationships;
When you are a student, you will meet the love of both parties and like each other;
When you are at work, after you reach the age of 25, you will rarely encounter this kind of feeling.
More of what is the state?
One party first has feelings, pays first, and invests costs first;
The other party enters the game, and the two try to manage the relationship.
This kind of feeling, at its best, should be like this:
You cherish each other's efforts, understand each other's hardships, tolerate and accept each other's not good enough;
Then, you can give the other person a similar amount in return.
No matter who it is, it is impossible to pay and take the initiative for a lifetime, and only two-way running is meaningful.
Even if you meet a soul mate and don't manage your feelings, the other person will leave you.
What you want, what you need, how to have it, this is the question that everyone should think about.
-02
The true meaning of feelings is not to fight for "winning or losing"
I found that many people have fallen into misunderstandings in their relationships:
"I want to win, I want to win, I want to occupy the absolute high position".
In fact, winning or losing in a relationship is meaningless.
won face, lost people's hearts;
Win each other, lose feelings.
Why bother?
Two people get along, to put it bluntly, it is the process of "giving each other the steps".
Seeing the tricks is fun, you retreat and I advance, you advance and I retreat, this is the unique mood of the two people.
But if you are aggressive, and the other person is more fierce and ruthless than you, what kind of intimacy is this?
You are lovers, husband and wife, the closest people in the world;
Even if you flip the table, the other person will tolerate your occasional waywardness.
It is based on love, inclusion, and understanding.
If in front of strangers, would you flip the table?
The naivety and willfulness of intimate relationships, the confidence is to be loved;
If you rely on the love of the other party, you will treat yourself as a "giant baby", it will be stupid.
-03
Open up your mind so that your relationship can go further
There are many people in their relationships who are in this state:
"I'm wronged, but I don't say it"
"I'm not happy with you this time, but I don't open my mouth, I hide it"
"I'm not happy with you, but I don't want to say it, so let's do it, take it one step at a time"
In other words, from the beginning you are reluctant to "play straight" with the opponent.
If you are wronged, you can say it directly;
If something about the other party makes you unhappy, express it calmly;
If you are unhappy with something, say your suggestion or your idea;
If you have differences in some ideas, communicate them in a timely manner.
If you don't take the initiative to speak, the other party won't know what you think;
Seeing that you are depressed and refuse to communicate, you will mistakenly think that you are in some mood, so they blame you for everything.
The core means of managing feelings:
Communicate openly with each other.
Open the door of your heart and let the other person in;
When you open your mind, the other person is willing to expose their hearts to you.
-04
People are "mixed for good".
No one is perfect.
You want the other person to be romantic, understand you, and speak sweet words;
You have to accept that he can draw big pies and that there is no shortage of friends of the opposite sex around him.
If you want him to be absolutely loyal to you and see you as unique, you have to accept that he is dull and unspeakable.
If you want her to be enchanting and graceful, you have to bear the sense of crisis of gains and losses;
If you want her to go to the hall and the kitchen, and the Gu family can take care of the baby, you have to hand over all the salaries, and you have to be prepared to soothe her internal pressure.
No matter who you choose, you will regret who you are with.
When you're young, you want romance;
In middle age, you find that only money is reliable;
In old age, you crave companionship and love.
Human feelings are a cycle.
Some people are free and uninhibited by nature, preferring "short-term relationships" and focusing on participation;
Some people are obsessed with affection and just want to make long-term choices, hoping to manage a stable relationship.
Actually, it's all right.
The key points are:
If you choose, don't regret it, and if you want to regret it, you have to have the chips to leave at any time.
What are you most afraid of?
I want to leave, but I haven't left the chips yet;
If you want to change, you don't have the ability to manage your feelings;
You don't want to accept the status quo and you can't change it, and you end up running out of all your energy and losing a mess.
Topic:
What are your feelings about managing feelings?
Author He Suohuan:
Focus on the analysis of gender emotion, marriage and family, character growth, original family, etc., follow me to bring you more knowledge.