Big S personally went down with a hammer: ten years of marriage, a serious injury!

I really didn't expect that after a year, I would be able to eat the hot melon of "Da S and Wang Xiaofei's divorce" again.

This afternoon, Big S personally went out to write a small composition, hammering her ex-husband Wang Xiaofei!

This is also the first positive voice of Big S after the divorce, and I will mark the key points for everyone:

1, first of all, she directly revealed that Wang Xiaofei was cheating in marriage, and it was with many women;

2, mother-in-law Zhang Lan concealed it knowingly and was still acting in front of her;

3, Wang Xiaofei committed domestic violence in marriage and pushed the pregnant big S to the ground;

4, she did swipe Wang Xiaofei's credit card after the divorce, in order to vent her anger.

I don't want to comment on this messy drama of catching horses, which is right and wrong, and this should not be the final ending of "Da Wang Lian", Zhang Lan will inevitably come out again in the future, and S's mother will continue to cry in front of the media......

But in this statement, the sentence "Ten years of marriage, two deaths and one serious injury" is really poignant to read.

This seems to be a condensed summary of countless bad marriages, the two people who were once the closest people, after 10 years of chicken bits and pieces, and finally piled up all kinds of unbearable and heavy blows.

As ordinary people, most of the time we can only stuff all kinds of emotions about marriage in our stomachs, endure it, and if there is an "opportunity" to tear each other apart, we can also pour out the overwhelming "bitter water".

My little friend Esther attended a community-organized book exchange last week with more than 20 families. Originally, the first half of the event was quite warm, everyone arranged flowers in a stylish flower shop, and listened to the host share books, but in the second half, it involved some "husband and wife topics", which began to be a little congested.

After reading a book called "The Five Languages of Love", we will practice a small exercise mentioned in the book - finding the strengths of a spouse and listing specific examples. The purpose is to let everyone find their own "love language" and help improve the quality of communication between couples.

It seems to be a very simple interactive game, but when it is the husbands' turn to speak, almost no one can praise the wife for the idea.

So in the second half of the discussion, the mothers gathered aside to "vent their anger", and it became a collective complaining meeting against their husbands in private!

Mother A, who has been married for 19 years, said, "In the past few years that I have been a full-time mother, my sense of value is still low, but my husband is a stuffy gourd, not only will he not affirm me, but he will also pour cold water and find fault with trivial things." ”

Mother B said: "My intentions for him are often ignored. Once I gave him a mobile phone, put it in a big gift box, and stuffed it under his pillow, and he slept all night without noticing, and I wondered, didn't he feel panicked?"

Mother C also shared a chat record with her husband, and she sent a message to her husband like this:

"Alive?" "Alive." "Okay, get out. "Get out. ”

She continued: "It's best to simply explain things like this, and every time he says a few more words to me, I get angry." I often tell him that if I become a resentful woman one day, it's because of you, a pig teammate. ”

The end of this discussion is very helpless and realistic, and the most suffocating thing is that a father quietly said such a sentence at the next table - taking care of the family is a woman's natural mission, and women do what they should do, why is it worthy of praise?

This is probably the subtext in the hearts of many men.

The more women's efforts are not seen or underestimated, the more they are suppressed, and the more difficult it is to continuously produce positive emotions.

Recently, a new book that has become very popular - "They Are Not Nagging, Just Fed Up: Invisible Emotional Labor", just by looking at this title, you know that it must be the voice of thousands of women.

The book says: "It's impossible to exaggerate the praise of a new good man as a husband, but when these traits are transferred to women, social concepts will be taken for granted, and even women will always feel that they are not doing enough." ”

Women are nagging because they're just fed up.

Especially stay-at-home wives, usually in the eyes of their husbands, they only have to take on housework: cooking, cleaning, taking care of the children...... But I don't know that in addition to manual labor, female compatriots also have to bear an invisible "emotional labor" - taking everything in their family to heart, this kind of "tiredness" is the most abrasive.

For example, in addition to the process of cooking, it takes more brains to think about what to eat today;

In addition to taking out the trash, being aware of when it's time to take out the trash is also very draining;

Obviously, he has been exhausted by a whole day of miscellaneous things, but when his husband and children come home, they have to show a smiling face and greet them with full emotions......

It is common to see women doing housework without knowing the emotional labor that is loaded on their minds.

What's even more terrifying is that there is an underlying notion that has always influenced us: women are naturally good at emotional labor, and men just don't have the brain. So much so that women will subconsciously take care of everything and put everything on themselves with their own hands.

There is a description in the book "Emotional Labor Without Being Seen", which made me break my defense instantly:

"I know the answer to all the questions, like where my husband left his keys, whether there is orange juice in the house, where to put away the green sweater, what someone's birthday is, what to have for dinner, etc., I know everything. I have a list of things in my head, not because I like to remember them, but because I know that no one else can remember ......them."

In the end, it is these trivial details that defeat the marriage, these details that are only seen by one party and are always ignored by the other party.

Family is originally a homework that husband and wife have to face together, but when it comes to "managing marriage", it seems that most of the people who have this awareness are female compatriots.

Taking the initiative to learn how to communicate and express in marriage, how to create fun in life, and how to enhance intimate relationships seems to have become a woman's natural responsibility.

A man can make money to support his family, go home at a fixed time, and occasionally watch the baby's homework a few times, and he can basically be blown into a "good husband, good father" outside the sky.

But whether it is a marriage, housework or emotional work, I would like to say that this must not be the responsibility of our female compatriots alone, and both husband and wife must "share". And it's sharing, not who helps whom.

It's naturally good to be able to find a husband who has this kind of awareness, and if it happens that a teammate is a monolith and never gets his senses, then the best solution is:

Women first live their own life well, comfortable, if they have spare energy, they go to "icing on the cake", to create some life fun and common experience, if there is no spare energy, only need to take care of their mood, this is more important than anything else.

A friend of mine once told me that once she was on a business trip and told her husband to remember to take out the garbage, but three days later, when she came back from a business trip, the garbage was still lying rotten and smelly in the corner of the kitchen. In a fit of anger, she used her husband's credit card to buy a luxury bag on a certain treasure, and her mammary glands were unblocked in an instant.

So back to the melon of Big S, the reason why so many female compatriots who are not easy to empathize with marriage do not support Big S so much is that I feel that Big S wants to set up the character of the big heroine, and on the other hand, the couple has parted ways, and they have to draw their ex-husband's card again to say what kind of revenge it is, it seems that there is really no need!

What is everyone's understanding and status of marriage now, if there is anything special to share, please leave a message to talk about it~