"My friend has been preparing for high marriage since he was a child": I'm sorry, I didn't raise my daughter to marry a good man! 

Text | Mi Li's mother

In the past two days, Princess Kate's disappearance has caused a lot of uproar, and many people have also eaten Kate's old melon when she married into the royal family.

Kate, a girl from a middle-class ordinary family, married into the royal family not by chance, but because her parents have deliberately cultivated her various abilities since she was a child, and she has long been ready to "marry high" to break through the circle.

Kate even took a year off from school that year, just to go to William's school to "meet" him, and finally kept the clouds open and saw the moon, and became the British princess as she wished.

However, these old melons reminded Mi Li's mother of another hot search, and it is quite intriguing to think about.

Someone posted on the Internet, saying that she has a girlfriend with an average family background, but her parents are very willing to raise their daughter.

My best friend's parents are reluctant to spend all their lives, don't go out to eat, don't buy new clothes, live in old and shabby, save 1 million for food, but buy 600,000 luxury cars for their daughter.

Not only that, my parents have been very strict with their girlfriends since they were children, and they belong to the originator of chicken babies, and they have basically never played for a day.

Because she learns dance, she is tied up every day to practice, she doesn't eat much, she is not allowed to perm her hair, and she will be scolded if her legs are thicker.

As a result, the girlfriend not only became a tall, white, thin beauty, with thick and black hair like seaweed, and no glasses.

That's it, what's even more annoying is that she was also admitted to 211, met a rich second generation, and crossed classes.

All of the above led the poster to a conclusion:

The best friend's family has been carefully training their daughter to marry the second generation of wealth.

Moreover, she also took pity on herself: My family's conditions are better than hers, but I play a good hand of cards poorly, and now even getting married is a problem.

To be honest, if it weren't for the sour autumn at the end, I wouldn't have found out what this poster meant, but now I understand.

Obviously, the poster himself deliberately wanted to marry high, but the result was unsuccessful, but in turn his girlfriend married high.

This is a proper projection from a psychological point of view, you see how others are, it does not mean that others are like that, but it shows that you yourself are like that.

In Mi Li's mother's view, what the parents of their best friends do is what the parents who are strict and love their daughters should do, as for "spending blood to cultivate for high marriage", it is just the poster's unfounded speculation.

You think that she was admitted to 211 to broaden her social circle, but she was admitted to a good school only because she had a strict family education and studied first;

You think that her white skin, beautiful and long legs are to attract men, but in fact, it is because her parents strictly control her diet and schedule;

You think she bought a car for 600,000 yuan to pretend to be white and rich, but in fact, this is just a way for parents to love their daughter as much as they can;

You think that all this is for "high marriage", but in fact, this is just the natural result of her more than 20 years of hard work, and you must not use this result to deduce that all her efforts are just to marry a rich man.

The best friend's family just raised their daughter to be both talented and beautiful within possible conditions, and finally married a rich man, how can they conclude that they deliberately bet on their daughter and rely on her to break through the class?

said a thousand things and ten thousand, or because the poster subconsciously linked all the values and beautiful qualities of women to marriage and love, and used them as bargaining chips to please men.

It seems that women work hard to become beautiful, excellent, and rich, and the only purpose is to enhance their bargaining power in the marriage market.

It's as if a woman never has value on her own, but like the moon, she relies on reflection to have light.

Although it's 2024, this value of putting women in a subordinate position has never disappeared, and it can even be seen everywhere

Mi Li's mother knows a girl who is 96 years old and has a doctorate in a 985 college at the age of 28.

In my eyes, she is financially independent, smart-witted, and lives a particularly chic and colorful life.

But in the eyes of her parents, her singleness is the original sin, and even when she came home during the Spring Festival this year, her mother even said things like "If you don't get married, you're going to have menopause".

Her father even cried and grabbed the ground, saying that the old Wang family was going to die, and regretted sending her out to study and read her heart.

She was very transparent, picked up her bag and left, leaving only one sentence: I can even be a doctor, but I can't be the queen of the Wang family?

Although her tone is free and easy, she is not less worried about her parents' urging marriage.

Once she said to me:

Why no matter how hard I try, no matter how good I am, they are not satisfied, as if as long as I don't get married, everything I do will be in vain.

Listening to what she said, I could only sigh deeply.

For a long time, women were indeed like commodities waiting for a price to sell, and the whole meaning was pinned on finding a "good home".

But that was because women did not have the right to education and work at that time, so they had to rely on men, and they could only dress themselves up as commodities.

Nowadays, women are on par with men in every way, their incomes are not lower than men's, and they can live well even if they never marry or have children.

So, why should we use a man's perspective to examine the full value of women?

It's a pity that this "male gaze perspective" is stubbornly and unthinkingly passed from generation to generation, and some girls are clamped down.

Mi Li's mother remembered that in the documentary "Leftover Girl", Qiu Huamei, who was born in rural Shandong, became a lawyer in Beijing through struggle, with a car, a house and a Beijing hukou, so don't be too inspirational.

But in the eyes of her mother and old family, Hua Mei, who is still single at the age of 34, is "stupid to read", and warned her that "if you don't get married, no matter how happy you are, you won't be happy." ”

Under pressure from her parents, Hua Mei had no choice but to go to the marriage agency on a blind date. But the staff of the marriage agency directly ignored her excellent resume and said to her directly:

"Your age is no longer the best time in the marriage market"

"You're not a beauty. ”

What's more, as soon as she heard that she was a lawyer, she shook her head and waved her hand: Lawyer, I can't argue with you in the future!

Hua Mei was very helpless, and Mi Li's mother also felt speechless.

is obviously a very good girl, independent, decisive, and self-respecting, but in the marriage market, her highlights have not only been wiped out, but even become disadvantages and minus.

Yes, until now, in many cases, the evaluation criteria for women are still based on men.

Even if you are a good lawyer, if you are too eloquent, you are not destined to be a wife.

Even if you get a Beijing hukou, have a car and a house, and are better than a man, it is not suitable to be a wife.

A wife should be silent and docile, good at compromise, except for being stronger than her husband in the Gu family, she can't suppress her husband in other areas, not even her height.

What's even more terrifying is that sometimes women's advantages are not only ignored, erased, but even become a sin.

Just like Hua Mei has repeatedly hit a wall in the blind date market because of her identity as a lawyer, the more valuable and capable a woman is, the more she will become the target and object of attack.

I remember that not long ago, when Gu Ailing and Quan Hongchan just became popular, there was an open discussion in the live broadcast room of a TV station: Which of them will be more popular with male audiences?

Mi Li's mother was shocked when she saw this show at the time: The female competition and the male have all been involved in the Olympic champion, who cares about this? ?

What I didn't expect was that everyone in the comment area was really speaking seriously, especially this one, carefully scrutinized, looked carefully, and then made a difficult choice after a period of entanglement:

There is also this: Gu Ailing can't get married in our village.

Well, yes, Gu Ailing's strong, muscular arms and thighs are estimated to be able to kick two Puxin men with one kick, of course you don't dare to marry.

Mi Li's mother really laughed to death, who gave you the courage to dare to point fingers at Gu Ailing and Quan Hongchan?

I'm sorry, I mean all of you, you can't marry these two girls in your life, hurry up and wash and sleep.

The most relieved is Zhang Weili. Knowing that some netizens said, "Being Zhang Weili's boyfriend will be subjected to domestic violence", she smiled contemptuously

"We want to give money when we beat others, have you given money? Do you still want to be beaten?!"

"They are too unconfident, but I don't like the boys who are afraid of being beaten. ”

It's good, it's cool, it's full!

In fact, whether it is criticizing Quan Hongchan's figure, Gu Ailing's appearance, or questioning Zhang Weili and even Hua Mei's professional ability,

In essence, they are dwarfing and weakening women's self-worth, trying to continue to tie excellent women back to the evaluation system of "good wives".

So, why do some people go to such lengths to belittle women?

Zhang Weili got to the point, because they were too unconfident.

In the original world, "women are weak" seems to be a natural rule, natural and comfortable, and no one doubts, including women themselves, will take it for granted that they will label themselves as weak.

However, when more and more women begin to awaken, become stronger and braver, and become more and more unwilling to be the object of gaze, while occupying more and more resources, some people panic.

The rise of women has broken the authority and dominance given to men by the patriarchy, bringing them an unprecedented crisis, and this panic and discomfort have made some people frantically suppress women.

reminds me of what I said in "Raising Girls":

"The living space of girls is becoming more complex and dangerous, and their present and future are destined to be richer and more difficult than ours".

Some women will really waver and doubt themselves when they hear these malicious and foul-smelling voices, but fortunately, there must be someone who is not in the accident world at all.

And the latter, with their firm steps and eyes, will definitely lead the other girls to move forward fearlessly together.

Just as Liu Yifei responded disdainfully to "boys like girls with particularly empty and pure eyes": "I don't care what he likes",

As Gu Ailing responded domineeringly: "If someone doesn't like me or doesn't believe me, then, this is their loss",

Just as Hua Mei later fled from her hometown that forced her to get married, went abroad to study and settle down, and quietly continued her own path,

I believe that their choice will give more sisters strength and encouragement to make the choice to follow their hearts and follow the path they think is right.

May we put a better, kinder, and more inclusive world in the hands of our sisters, daughters, and all women.

Personal Profile: @米粒妈爱分享 Mi Li's mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning, educational experience and further education.