After letting the child play with the mobile phone for a while, I understood these warnings from Musk

Author: Mu Qingye, the main creative group

It is very interesting to see the analysis of self-media blogger @王左中right:

The educational pressure in the Spring and Autumn Period was on the teachers, and the famous teachers were all self-cultivation;

During the Warring States Period, the educational pressure was in the family, and the environment began to roll, so there was an allusion similar to "Meng's mother's three moves";

In the Song Dynasty, everyone had a good time, the son didn't teach, it may be the father's fault, and the pressure was instantly given to the father;

In the Ming and Qing dynasties, fathers rolled up to fly, and there were various family letters and connoisseurs handed down;

And in modern times, it is the whole family to roll together.

When the cost of the volume is large, the side effects will come, and all entertainment methods that affect the educational results will begin to be classified as "ghosts".

In particular, playing with mobile phones is a "big problem" for many parents in modern times.

Some people believe that playing with mobile phones, especially short videos, playing games, etc., is easy to make children indulge in low-level happiness, affect concentration, lose the ability to think independently, and then become "waste";

Some people also believe that in the information age, children's access to electronic products cannot be restricted, and the more restricted, the more tempting, but will increase children's desire to play with mobile phones.

The phone is just an information tool, and what kind of impact it has depends only on the person who uses it.

In the final analysis, what really needs to be solved is the question of whether the child is addicted or not.

But that's where the hardest part becomes. It wasn't until I played with my daughter's phone for 7 days that I finally found the answer......

When my daughter was just on vacation, in line with the original intention of being an enlightened mother, we had a cordial and friendly meeting:

"Mom, I'm on vacation. ”

"Hmm. ”

"During the holidays, we must combine work and rest, so that we can become a good teenager with all-round development of morality, intelligence, physical fitness, art and labor after the start of school. ”

"Hmm. ”

"That, I mean...... It's a holiday, can I play with my phone every day?"

“……”

"I only play for two hours a day, I promise to play after I finish my homework for the day, turn it off when the time comes, go to bed early, and don't indulge in it without recharging money...... Haha, Mom, don't you think it rhymes?"

“……”

"Mom, why don't you laugh? Is it because you don't like to laugh by nature?"

Looking at my daughter's face, I hinted over and over again that I wanted to be a loving mother, and finally reached an unfriendly agreement with her on a series of unequal regulations such as playing time on mobile phones and playing with mobile phone content.

Actually, what the bear child doesn't know is that I don't need to say it, I originally planned to let her play with her mobile phone during the holidays to relax, after all, it's not good to restrict the child too much, it's better to trust her. Moreover, I also plan to accompany her throughout the whole process and find a way to guide her not to indulge in it.

It's just that I overestimated her self-control and underestimated the addictive power of her phone.

In the beginning, my daughter and I were very restrained in playing with our phones.

I only play for a while after eating in the evening, she does her homework in the morning, arranges freely in the afternoon, and plays with her mobile phone in the evening.

But after a few days, the situation was completely out of control.

First of all, we were playing with our phones later and later, and sometimes I felt like I had to be a good role model, and I only waited for her to fall asleep before sneaking back to my bedroom to play.

As a result, as soon as the toilet door opened, we both took our mobile phones, and the faint light reflected two faint faces, almost scaring each other half to death.

Later, in order to cope with my surprise inspection, she directly locked the bedroom door.

And she got up later and later in the morning, which directly affected the efficiency of her homework in the morning.

I secretly observed that as long as I sleep late at night when I play with my mobile phone, it is difficult to concentrate when I watch her do my homework in the morning, and I basically have to run to the toilet after writing for a while.

What makes me most angry is that I used to say that I only play at night every day, but now in the afternoon, she begins to find all kinds of excuses not to go out, and when she doesn't go out, she starts to use her mobile phone.

At the beginning, I also talked to her a few times, because our parent-child relationship foundation is good, and my daughter still listens to me.

But after a long time, it won't work.

After talking too much, my patience was also exhausted, and communication turned into accusations, especially when I saw that she finished her homework in a fool's way, and she didn't go to the interest class, and she was even more angry when she was playing with her mobile phone with a sluggish face.

The most infuriating thing is that in order to play with her mobile phone, she began to lie and lose her temper frequently.

In fact, I understand her very well, adults can't resist the temptation of mobile phones, let alone children whose mental development is not yet mature.

But when I was a teacher, I saw a lot of children who were affected by playing with their mobile phones, so I was worried that this was a bad start.

At this time, I remembered Gao Zhanxi, the boy in "Metamorphosis".

After being swapped to the city, he was introduced to video games, and soon became addicted to them, and the simple and industrious child disappeared.

But his father, who was far away in the mountains, was awakened by a sick phone call, which brought him back to reality: "My wheat is ripe, and it is time for me to wake up from my dream." ”

So, when I was having dinner with my daughter, I pretended to unintentionally reveal that I was working hard, and then I led the reason to playing games when I was a student and didn't study well.

It's okay not to say it, but as soon as I say it, my daughter will be in good spirits.

"Mom, what game did you play at that time? Was it fun? How did you play? Why don't you take me to play?"

After restraining myself from kicking her in the heart, I continued to think of a way.

Haven't many education experts said that children are addicted to mobile phones, which may be due to insufficient companionship from their parents.

There was a 36-year-old mother on the Internet before, in order to prevent her son from staying at home to play games, she angrily took her baby to ride more than 700 kilometers, not only with enough companionship, but also with the health of both mother and son.

But I look back at my body that has been growing fat for a year, and then think about the mountains and the long road, and the New Year, so let's have a good rest, why don't you think about it.

I can't go out, and it's the same at home.

So, a vigorous and vigorous one, full of maternal love, began to cultivate a healthy holiday lifestyle for children (for the way of heaven).

Well, I'm failing again!

I put down my phone and stared at my daughter for a day, and my mother's love was overflowing, but my daughter was unwilling:

"Mom, you keep staring at me like this, my heart is furious!"

Sigh, it's hard to be sad, the old mother really can't do it.

If the soft one doesn't work, then the hard one, after I threatened with pocket money, ordered my daughter to hand over her mobile phone, and knew that she was emotionally reasonable, my daughter glanced at me, closed the door, and sent a message:

"Grandma, it's really not good, you can tell my mother to go home for the New Year......"

If she didn't eat soft and hard, the old mother was really panicked, so she could only swipe her mobile phone to relieve her emotions.

As soon as I turned on my phone, the algorithm recommended me a lot of articles on the dangers of indulging in mobile phones.

Although they are all clichés, I couldn't help but click on it when I saw that the title of an article wrote Musk's warning about children playing with mobile phones:

Watching short videos can easily activate brain addictive behaviors, resulting in impaired memory and concentration.

Right!

The algorithm recommends that we watch our favorite videos, and the more we watch, the more addicted we become, the more time we will spend playing on our phones.

Right!

After the brain adapts to the strong dopamine stimulation of the mobile phone, it is prone to depression and anxiety.

Right!

Using a smartphone for too long can cause a child's developing brain to shrink.

Right!

I sighed with palpitations: "This excessive use of electronic products, the brain is flooded with fragmented information, and the nerves are constantly stimulated by high intensity, which is really terrifying!"

Before I knew it, two hours had passed, and my daughter came out and stood in front of me, holding her phone:

"Mom, I'm going to accuse you of not leading by example!"

After deeply reflecting on myself, I found a truth that I had to face: I didn't want to be addicted to mobile phones, it was too difficult.

And our thinking has long been influenced by the content in our phones.

Just like when I solve the problem of my child's addiction to mobile phones, I will subconsciously ask for help from my mobile phone, instead of analyzing the real reasons behind my child's appearance problem.

Including when searching for solutions, I will also prefer to click on those titles like "teach you to solve the problem of your child's addiction to mobile phones in one minute" and "3 sentences to make your child stop touching the mobile phone".

We've become too accustomed to this pseudo-efficient rhythm of solving problems quickly and coming to a conclusion in two.

Kids, too.

This is the real harm that addiction to mobile phones can bring to children, and it is the only way we can solve this problem.

In fact, it is difficult to allow children to play moderately and prevent them from becoming addicted, but it is not completely impossible.

In the past few days of fighting wits with my daughter, I have also gained a little experience, and after synthesizing the methods of other parents, I have found a little method.

1. Give your child some time to calm down

The biggest problem with short videos and online games is that they are too fast, so fast that people can't calm down and think.

But learning is precisely the process that requires a lot of time to calm down, focus, think, and become enlightened.

After finding the crux of the problem, I began to borrow some experience and set out to cultivate the habit of calming down for my daughter:

First, reading

There's nothing like reading to develop a child's habit of being still.

I first took her to find some suitable environment for reading, such as putting the reading place directly in the study room of the library, so that she could be calm.

However, when choosing the type of books for your child, it is recommended to start with your interest and gradually cultivate your child's habit of reading for a long time.

Second, hobbies

Psychologist Mihaly proposed that when we engage in something we like, challenging, and good at, such as playing ball, dancing, musical instruments, etc., we tend to experience a state of undivided and selfless flow.

But because flow is addictive, we need to guide our children through positive activities to experience flow.

The best way to divert attention is to generate new interests in your child.

When children find something they are really interested in, they will put down their mobile phones and take the initiative to do it without urging.

2. Reasonably arrange the "stretch area" of learning

"Cognitive Awakening" mentions that when we arrange our study plans, we should always put ourselves in the stretch zone between the comfort zone and the difficult zone.

In the difficult zone, the difficulty is too great, and it is easy to be afraid of difficulties, and in the comfort zone, the difficulty is too small, and it is easy to become low-quality and diligent.

Only in the middle stretching area, a little difficult, but hard work can be completed, in order to have both a sense of challenge and a sense of achievement.

To put it bluntly, when expectations are greater than desires, and there is no patience to support them, it is easy to produce anxiety, and emotions are dominated by anxiety, and they will want to escape. At this time, it is natural to prefer instant happiness that makes your brain easier.

3. Companionship is to grow together

Dong Yuhui once talked in the live broadcast room about when some parents consulted and didn't know how to help their children study hard.

At the very least, he said, create an environment for children to learn.

Parents like to read, so they sit next to their children and read, and if they don't want to read, they can take a walk, exercise, or do other things.

You want your child to see that you are growing with him.

The best companionship is not supervision, but to make the child realize that you are changing with him.

Some people say that it is too difficult to be a parent, and you have to live yourself as a hexagonal warrior.

In fact, the real difficulty of being parents is that we have to do a good job for them.

What kind of family education background, what kind of future children to raise.

How can there be so many children who are born with self-discipline, behind it is nothing more than parents who pay countless boring and repetitive guidance over and over again.

I hope that my story can serve as a reference for parents who are constantly moving forward on the road of parenting.

We also hope that under our continuous scientific, positive and positive guidance, children's future will have the ability to realize the greatest value of their lives.