Today, let's talk about Article 55 of the entertainment chapter of "Caigen Tan", the original text says this:
Let a man have a reputation before him, but let him have no destruction behind him;
Let people have the joy of friendship, but let them not be tired of being for a long time.
Meaning:
Instead of boasting about others in front of others, it's better not to speak ill of him behind his back;
Instead of letting the family feel happy with you when they first got along with you, it is better to let the family stay with you for a long time and not hate you.
1. Make people have the reputation in front of them, but not let them have no destruction behind them;
Changing others here is not for us to try to change others, changing others is delusional, people can only change themselves, so making people here actually means changing themselves.
We often say that we should praise a person more and praise is good for each other, but why do we say that instead of praising someone, it is better not to speak ill of him behind his back?
Compliments are good, but not all compliments come from the heart.
Some compliments are hypocritical and are meant to please others, and behind them there is an attempt to satisfy one's own selfishness.
This is a hypocrite with different hearts and mouths, inside and outside, the gentleman and others are sincere and consistent, and there is credit, honesty is credit, and insincerity is no trust.
Of course, praise and praise are good many times, such as praising children more often, or praising subordinates.
This positive way is more motivating, more passionate and motivated, and easier to boost confidence than blaming sometimes.
However, if you have just praised a subordinate, and then changed the venue, you will start saying behind your back that the subordinate is really not good, what is not good, and you really want to fire him.
This is one set on the surface, and another set behind the scenes, as long as there is a set behind the back, it means that the set of praise on the surface must be fake.
It can be seen how hypocritical such a person is, and such a person is not uncommon in life.
The main thing is that they don't think there's anything wrong with it, but they think they are good people.
not only took care of the feelings of his subordinates, but also vented his dissatisfaction with his subordinates elsewhere.
Article 39 of "Caigen Tan" says: "Words and deeds are compatible, and the hearts and deeds are consistent, and the end is the same, and the darkness is endless." ”
It means that what is said and what is done should be consistent, that what is thought in the heart should be consistent with the signs of action, that it should always be consistent inside and out, and that there should be no distinction between before and after others.
The "secluded" seclusion here is the place that others can't see behind their backs, that is, the "destruction behind the scenes" here.
Saints are sincere people who are in harmony with their words and deeds, don't be a hypocrite who is inconsistent with what is on the outside!
"The Mean" also says: A gentleman should "act in his words, words and deeds", and "sincerity" is very important. Sincerity and then the heart, the heart and the body.
It shows that the key to a gentleman's self-cultivation is "sincerity", so don't be a hypocrite with one set on the surface and one set behind it.
2. Let people have the joy of friendship at first glance, but not make them tired of being in a place for a long time.
This paragraph still reflects a 'sincerity', which is the same meaning as the one behind the above.
Let's say, you just met someone and he is very happy and willing to make friends with you.
But as the days go by, slowly others hate you more and more.
This shows that your previous behavior of making others happy was deliberately pretended, and after a long time, the true appearance will gradually surface.
Of course, if you really show yourself at the beginning, what will you be like after a long time, if everyone else can be happy, it means that this person is your true friend.
In fact, this is especially common when chasing girlfriends. At first, in order to get the girl's favor, he kept deliberately showing his goodness.
It's not so much about showing your goodness as it is about disguising yourself. After chasing it, he slowly revealed his true appearance.
And then the girl starts to hate you because you lied to her from the beginning, and such people abound.
But such a person never thinks that he is wrong, and even smug, thinking that he has won the beauty.
Although the goal is achieved, the process is not right, and the goal achieved will be lost in the end, and in the end it will only be more painful and cause a lot of chicken feathers.
We have to be a simple person, the simpler the heart, the more pure the person. Don't be too complicated in your heart, the more complicated it is, the more hypocritical it is, and the simple explanation is the same inside and out.
It's a pity that many people are not willing to be a simple person now, thinking that simplicity is easy to be deceived by others.
The simpler, the simpler, the closer you are to the Tao. And the more complicated and hypocritical it is, the more deviant it is.
Be yourself, keep yourself sincere, others lie to you, he will have his karma, you have to be yourself.
Don't change your way of life because of the deception of others.