Why is it that when the mother is around, the child is not well-behaved? The truth is distressing

Text丨Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

In the few days at home, I often saw a grandfather holding his children to play outside.

Once when the moon was rising, the grandfather was still walking on the road with his grandson in his arms.

I was a little strange and said hello.

He said, "His mother came back for a few days, and she became a little smaller, crying, and temperamental!"

In fact, the child is just over three years old, and he has always been brought by his grandparents.

His mother is a teacher who usually teaches in the county seat and does not have time to come back every day.

Pingsu is very obedient and well-behaved, everyone says that he is good to bring, and he is a good doll.

But as soon as my mother came back, why did she become noisy and have a temper?

Some people say that when a child sees his mother, he will cry when he has nothing to do.

That's true, and my friend says it's the same with me.

Her son is usually at home with his grandparents, like a little adult, very sensible.

But as soon as he got home, he changed.

So she said that the old man still blamed her, because she spoiled the child.

It's as if I really did something wrong.

For example, if the child falls, she will always squat down and ask the child if he has fallen.

Grandpa would say it's okay, he often falls like this.

When the child says that she wants to play the game, she always fulfills the child's nonsensical requests.

But the old man will say, just get used to everything, let you be a puppy, just be a puppy.

When the child is afraid to challenge, she will hold the child and encourage him to cheer.

But the old man will say that if you don't do it, you will be spanked, why bother saying so much, bother!

I will also say that you are used to it, so I cry when I see you!

And the boy still loves to cry so much!

The words are full of complaints and dissatisfaction.

2

I've always felt that it's a good thing that children can cry in front of them.

Because there's one thing that makes me feel guilty.

Because I used to stay up late to write, I went to bed late, but the little fish would be noisy at night.

I may have just fallen asleep and been woken up again, so sometimes I don't control my emotions well and I lose my temper.

After many times, as long as he saw me asleep, he didn't dare to disturb me.

But sometimes he got up alone at night, because he was afraid, he would still look for us, and sometimes he would wake me up.

Even if I didn't speak, I could feel his caution, I could feel his fear.

Yu's mother said that he was very scared of me.

I also know I have this problem.

I usually try to control my emotions and explain to my children.

But he still only looked for my mother every time, not me.

Fortunately, he can still lose his temper in front of me and cry with confidence.

But I still feel uncomfortable in my heart, because I have invisibly put pressure on my child.

It must be corrected and the problem resolved.

If you keep your child under pressure, you can't relax in front of your closest people.

There will definitely be something wrong with that child's psyche.

Every child craves a sense of security from their parents.

Once parents don't give, then their sense of security cannot be formed.

If a sense of security is not established, it is difficult to develop a healthy personality.

Insecurity, fear, and a lack of trust in people can be with you for a lifetime.

Only when a child has established a sense of security can he express all his feelings, not only those that are happy, but also those that are negative, such as worry, anger, and fear.

Such a child is real and complete, able to laugh happily and cry loudly.

If a child is in front of their parents with "

face

It's scary to think about.

3

In fact, when everyone is a child, they will use this identity to test the bottom line of adults.

Go and deliberately cause some sabotage, to see if my parents really love me?

They will also look for boundaries of their own behavior, such as what their parents allow to do and what they can't do.

Moreover, they only dare to test if they have enough trust in this environment.

Only if you have enough trust in the adult in front of you can you dare to find the boundary.

"American Parenting Encyclopedia" mentions: When the mother is away, the family or nanny tells you that the child behaves like an angel, don't be in a hurry to be happy, this is only because the child has insufficient trust in other people, so they dare not test their bottom line.

So, you will understand why the mother is here, and the child will change.

Suddenly making so many requests, suddenly becoming sensitive and crying.

There are many mothers who ask me, "Daddy, my child is not well-behaved, he is always sabotage, and he has to rely on him for everything, I don't know what to do? Do you want to beat him?"

When asked about the age of the children, many children are just over two years old.

This stage is the stage where children can explore freely in the safe world of their parents.

At this stage, it is impossible to overstate how much you love your children.

As long as you don't develop bad habits.

I remember that when Xiao Xiaoyu was two or three years old, I doted on him very much, so that the old people in the family thought that I was too used to children.

But I know that in the first stages of a child's life, they need such an unconditional love from their parents.

No matter what you do, Mom and Dad love you.

If you want to lose your temper, we make you lose your temper and listen to you cry.

If you want to make trouble, just make trouble! As long as it doesn't hurt anything else.

Children are actually more concerned about their parents' attitudes towards them than anyone else.

Do my parents pay attention to me? Will they abandon me?

They are afraid of losing their parents, afraid of being alone in the world, afraid of being hurt, etc.

Parents need to be there for their children, listen to them, and understand their fears.

At the same time, tell him that no matter how good or bad you are, Mom and Dad love you.

Children with a sense of security in their hearts can better embark on independence.

And before independence, it takes a long time to be attached.

At this stage, they

I let go of all my guards and opened my heart

。

What parents need to do is to see what their children really need.

4

Understand your child's real needs.

Freud said, "The more clingy the child, the more he believes in his heart that separation will happen repeatedly." ”

The more clinging to their mother's children, the more they crave the love and attention of their parents.

I still remember when my child was just starting kindergarten.

There was a mother in the next class who was always patiently chatting with her crying son to comfort him.

It's tiring to be seen every day.

Some people will mutter: how can you be so patient, can't you just hand it over to the teacher?

It's really a habitual child, how will I get it in the future, will I still stick to my mother?

The result?

A year later, this child was just as good as the children in the class.

The teacher said that his independence was quite good, and he did not cry for his mother anymore.

Already a confident and brave little boy.

Thankfully, he has a good mother who is patient.

Because of his mother's patience and companionship, he was able to go through the most important separation period in his life.

During that period of separation, he would be confused and panicked, but his mother's love made him feel reassured.

As I grew up day by day, I became stronger.

You will find that children who have received enough love from their parents will be more independent.

And the more impatient the parents are, the more they push away the child, and the more clingy the child becomes

A child's cry is often a desire to get the attention of adults.

Yelling and tantrums, the child cried profusely.

It's better to crouch down and figure out the reason and ask him why.

Maybe it would be fine.

Children also need your unique love.

This kind of love can only be given by parents, because this love means unconditional, reassuring and complete love.

Children are here, to understand the world, to slowly stretch out their steps, step by step to test.

Children who have a sense of security will feel safe and out of their mother's sight.

Then he began to run in stride, towards the distance.

In fact, counting on our fingers, there are really not many days when children really stick to us.

So, it's actually good to let the children stick to us, don't rush to push them away.

Because behind this is the love and companionship they crave.

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