There's a hot topic on Weibo: What is the experience of listening to someone who can chat?
One of the highly praised answers said:
"People who can really talk are not sleek and polite, but warm, sincere, and know how to empathize, which makes people feel like a spring breeze and never get tired of everything. ”
In the program "Praise for the Song 2", Fang Siqi's statement was convincing.
Fang Siqi talked eloquently when evaluating Yang Zongwei on the stage, and finally said: "The world is very noisy, just be yourself." ”
Her every word went into the hearts of Yang Zongwei and the fans.
When the judges had objections to Fang Wenshan's lyrics, Fang Siqi gently and generously affirmed the other party's angle, and then slowly expressed her opinion.
The sentence "There is a difference between high and low in tasting, but there is no high or low idea", which not only expresses her different views, but also does not deny the views of others, but also makes everyone impressed by her views.
In fact, I have to say that people with high emotional intelligence not only make themselves comfortable when they speak, but also make others feel comfortable.
Speak straight, don't go around in circles
There is a word that is very popular on the Internet, called "playing straight ball".
The original meaning is to play a straight line between baseballs. Now it is used by netizens to describe directly expressing one's thoughts, treating others sincerely and simply, not detouring, and not playing routines.
Get along with this kind of person, don't hide it, don't be duplicitous, it's simple and enjoyable.
In the job search show "You Belong", the job seeker Ding Zidi was thought to be talking too around, which provoked the host Shao Gang to teach her how to focus on the key points in her speech throughout the whole process.
The recruitment company asked her why she didn't go to graduate school?
Her answer was from the school to the major, but she did not answer the question directly.
After talking for a long time, Mr. Shao Gang concluded that the reason why she didn't go to graduate school was that she wanted to work first.
The recruiting company asked her what she did in her previous job?
She sorted out the company documents from her own list, and said that when a guest came, she brought the guest to the reception room and prepared refreshments and fruits, but she did not clearly answer her position.
In the end, it was the recruiting company itself that summed up that it was an administrative assistant.
Throughout the show, Teacher Shao Gang collapsed several times because she was talking in circles and couldn't grasp the key point, and interrupted her speech many times.
The above scene really confirms the sentence "Having something to say is an outstanding talent for implicit Chinese."
Whether things in the world are successful or not is sometimes just a matter of words.
Put aside those unimportant "preludes", let go of the so-called "embarrassment", and open the skylight to say bright words, so as not to consume each other.
Subtle and tactful will only make communication cumbersome, waste time, and waste effort, and in the end you can only narrow the road of life.
The so-called sophistication of human feelings, thinking in reverse, and having something to say, can be efficient and easy to get along with; without going around in circles, can we communicate sincerely and not consume feelings.
Life is short, time is precious, and honesty is the real advanced way of life.
图片来源:unsplash
Know how to empathize with others
There is a plot in Keigo Higashino's "Anxiety Relief Grocery Store":
The grocery store opened by Langya's grandfather has skyrocketed due to weekly interviews, and some of them are sincere and some are pranks.
One night, Grandpa Langya received more than thirty letters from the same person, and the contents were all nonsense.
The son persuaded Grandpa Langya to forget it, thinking that it was too stupid to take the prank person seriously.
But Grandpa Langya said, "The people who wrote these letters, like other counselors, are people who have a hole in their hearts. They must also be curious to know how I will respond to their letters. If you think about it, it's not easy for him to make up thirty troubles at once. ”
Grandpa Langya replied to each letter seriously, and after a long time, he received another letter with the same handwriting as the previous 30 letters, which were neatly written: "I'm sorry, thank you." ”
Grandpa Langya's reply is always full of family-like care and teachings, and there is never half an accusation, let alone high-minded criticism.
It is precisely because of this that his reply has warmed others and soothed countless wounded hearts.
In this world, it is because of transposition that we can think about what others think and share the feelings of others.
In life, some people live in high-rise buildings, some people are in deep ditches, some people are radiant, and some people are deep in the quagmire.
But in any case, this is a state of life for being born, and although you can't empathize with it, you can empathize with it.
As the People's Daily said: "The warmth of this world is made up of a little bit of love between people." Empathy, empathy, is a kind of kindness. ”
Yes, people are different, but hearts and minds can be connected.
In life, a little more empathy will give you more understanding, and a little more empathy will give you more tolerance.
To get along with others, only by knowing how to look at the body and the heart can we get along comfortably and go long-term.
图片来源:unsplash
Show weakness appropriately and get along comfortably
The writer Li Kang once said: "If the wood is beautiful in the forest, the wind will destroy it; when it is piled up on the shore, the flow will be turbulent; if the line is higher than the people, the crowd will not be." ”
After thinking about it, I feel that it makes sense.
When you get along with your lover, if you are too strong, it will be easy to break, if you get along with your friends, if you are too strong, it will be difficult for you to get along with your colleagues.
The author Li Xiaomo shared one thing about himself on Zhihu:
Because Li Xiaomo has been preparing for the debate competition for a while, he has formed the habit of "words win people" everywhere.
When she first entered college, she signed up for the selection of the college debate team, and after watching a few classic debate videos, she fell in love with the feeling of being at loggerheads.
As a result, when she was selected, not only was she not selected, but she contracted "eloquence".
In life, there are many issues that she can debate as a debate, and she must argue a result.
She is used to constantly questioning, refuting, attacking, and quibbling, always trying to overpower others.
Relying on her sharp teeth, she can always verbally push the other party into a corner.
As a result, that time became the worst time for her popularity.
It wasn't until later that she understood that it was okay to use debate as a skill, but it was bad to turn argumentation into a verbal habit.
Getting along with others, blindly speaking without forgiveness will only keep others away, and showing weakness appropriately will win the favor of others.
Bowing your head at the right time and being honest with each other is not only a communication ability, but also a kind of kindness.
To be good at "showing weakness" is to pay attention to the feelings of the other party and to have respect, and to know how to "show weakness" is to lower the posture and highlight the pattern.
Many things are not achieved by recklessness, and honest people tend to go further.
图片来源:unsplash
I like a saying: "How comfortable you are determines how high you can reach." ”
It's true, the world is so big, communication is everywhere, and the way you relate to others is a reflection of your emotional intelligence.
Communication with high emotional intelligence will make your life go smoother and further.
When communicating, do not go around in circles and speak directly, so that you can not embarrass yourself or consume others;
When dating, push yourself and others, empathy, in order to treat others with kindness and pleasure yourself;
When getting along, words are not for a moment, and when they are honest and weak, they can comfort others and show self-cultivation.
May you spend the rest of your life as a person with high emotional intelligence, communicate with sincerity, communicate with sincerity, and win the life you want.
Author: Asui, the most in love and freedom in his life.