Internal vs. external interpersonal patterns
From the perspective of intersubjective psychoanalysis, the treatment of existential sexual disturbance (5)
Human beings have duality, namely subjectivity and objectivity. The former is embodied in autonomy and creativity, and the latter is embodied in dependence and creation. In reality, objectivity is manifested as a strong need for a sense of belonging, or a need for "object" to rely on, and this object can be a person, an object, or an abstract thing. Individuals with sexual disturbances have a twofold imbalance due to self-injury in their early years: lack of subjectivity, overflow of objectivity, and personality traits show passivity and servility.
Intersubjective psychoanalytic therapy wants to convey the truth that people's psychological dilemma is composed of interpersonal conflicts from the beginning, even if the fetus has already had conflicting or coordinated emotional interactions with the mother, then the rescue of the psychological dilemma must depend on the subject's awakening and improvement of his or her internal and external relationships.
How to treat existential disturbance with intersubjective psychoanalysis, let's revisit what existential disturbance is? An individual with existential sexual disturbance often experiences himself in hopeless loneliness, and what he experiences is not a whole person, but a person who has been "divided" in different ways. There are two ways to split: a split in the system relationship with the environment, and a split in the system relationship between oneself. They do not have the ability to experience themselves "with" others, nor can they experience them "in the environment". The result may be a fragile connection between mind and body, or two or more selves may emerge and form a conflict. We know that their existential anxiety is more manifested in interpersonal relationships in the form of inner disorders.
Therefore, an important dimension in the treatment of existential dysphoria is orientation—internal and external interpersonal patterns. Here, I would like to focus on citing Mr. Cong's research on the "self-subject-object relationship" (in fact, it is also the application and development of Mr. Cong's intersubjective therapeutic viewpoint). Mr. Cong mentioned in the "Subject-Object Relationship of Self" that a person's own subject and object can also constitute a relationship, for example, I like myself, I hate myself, I treat myself, I abuse myself...... These are all a kind of "subject-object relationship" that exists in the individual's own existence, which we call the "self-subject-object relationship".
How did this "self-subject-object relationship" come about? He further mentioned that as Freud's theory says, the subconscious comes from the experience of an individual's past life, internalizes it deeply, and becomes the subconscious. The subconscious mind is not perceived by the individual, but it governs the individual's emotions, thoughts, and behavior patterns. In the individual's early life experience and interpersonal interactions, his or her own experience as subject and object will also be internalized into the subconscious, becoming the "self-subject-object relationship" in the subconscious. If we start from this point of view, we can further suggest that there is some kind of "self-subject-object relationship" in the subconscious. Such a formulation may become a development of the psychoanalytic theory of the subconscious, and a new way of interpreting the psychoanalytic concept of the "subconscious". If the "self-subject-object relationship" in the subconscious is valued and emphasized in psychotherapy, and the "subject-object relationship" in real interpersonal relationships, perhaps this will become a new psychoanalytic therapy, at least in the existing psychoanalytic therapy, adding a new element and dimension.
Just like Kohut's concept of "self-object relational empathy", the "self-subject-object relation" in the individual's subconscious will likewise be reflected and refracted in interpersonal relationships, manifested as the individual's promotion of interpersonal relationships or the imposition of others on others. For example, when a person doesn't like himself in his heart, he can externalize and project it as "I don't like you" or "you don't like me" in interpersonal relationships. When a person's subject-object relationship in the inner subconscious is "I like myself", he will express it as "I like you" or "you like me" in the interpersonal relationship, and even externalize the whole subject-object relationship of his own body as "you also like yourself". In this regard, we can see that the self-subject-object relationship in the subconscious mind is promoting the occurrence and development of the individual's external interpersonal relationship (self-subject-object relationship transference), and on the contrary, the external subject-object relationship will gradually be internalized into the subconscious, constituting the self-subject-object relationship in the subconscious.
My further experience is that the new perspective of "self-subject-object relationship" provides us with a deeper and more direct direction of thinking in understanding and treating existential anxiety: individual existential anxiety can be described as non-subjective anxious individuals, and they face sharp interpersonal contradictions that they can achieve certainty for themselves and others through others, but exposure to others means exposure to danger, and they desire the approval of others and try to escape the gaze of others, so they have no choice but to turn themselves into a duality. If the mirror is used as a medium, then one is outside the mirror (the true self, the main part of the self) and one is inside (the false self, the object part of the self), and the true self uses the false self to obtain a purely "spiritual" existence. This reflects his "self-subject-object relationship", that is, the internal relation: the object is larger than the subject, or even the object covers the subject. To use an analogy, the subject is like a child, the object is like a wolf father and tiger mother, and the internal relationship between sexually disturbed individuals is: the relationship between weak children and strong parents.
In my research on anxiety, I have also realized that many individuals with sexual restlessness have a premonition of risk fear, a cautious and habitual state of clinging to (grasping) the edge of a rattan on the edge of a cliff, and the subject experiences a feeling of wanting to break away but not being able to get rid of it. Starting from this feeling, we can deeply understand that the cliffside is the background picture of the subject's early life, full of indifference and negation. It is precisely this background that it harshly feeds on the subject's childhood feelings, people are raised as objects and tools, just like raising a kitten and a puppy, and even cats and dogs are not as good as being bullied and ignored.
The rattan on the edge of the cliff can be a metaphor for the figure of a caregiver or caregiver, a helpless and panicked child, and can only hold on to them so as not to "recover". In this context, man exists as an object, and in a precarious situation, he has to grow up dependent on a terrible strong man, and a terrible strong man has been internalized internally, which Freud called the superego, but this superego, evil has become an internal tyrant. In addition, "premonition risk anxiety" is the projection of the feeling of "accompanying the king like accompanying the tiger" that has always existed with the subject, and the tiger is an internal tyrant, so his heart is the pairing of "terrible tyrant and fear child".
Such internal relationships are the subject of the "Terrible Tyrant-Fear Child", which you will encounter very often.
Returning to the Kyaukjiao case, she has been in a long period of anxiety and panic about the unknown, and her avoidance and distrust of interpersonal relationships are also the externalization of her inner tyrant. Through the various manifestations of her external interpersonal patterns, her internal relationships can be clearly reflected: not only the pairing of "terrible tyrant-fear of children", but also multiple conflict patterns such as "indifferent father-helpless child", "complaining mother-angry child", "aggressive grandparent-injured child", etc., the common point is that the subject exists in the form of being denied.
In the whole therapeutic scene of intersubjectivity, these subconscious "self-subject-object relationships" need to be constantly experienced and then conscious.
For example, in Kyauk's memory, her home will always be poor, she will always be superfluous, this impression is so deep that it cannot be eliminated, her relatives have long despised her, and refused to recognize the value of "female" sex, which is the basis for forming her internal "self-denial relationship", which is reflected in the external interpersonal relationship, what she is most afraid of is the contempt and discrimination of others, afraid of not being accepted, afraid of being criticized....... Taking these points as an example, in our intersubjective relationship, in the response to the real experience between subjects, I have no judgment or discrimination against her, and she feels: no matter what she says, what she thinks, no matter how bad her mood is, it doesn't matter, then she will become more and more real, and her feelings will be different from what she felt when she was not real in the past, and this different feeling will make her experience her heart again, and she will have the strength to face her deeper problems.
Similarly, from the perspective of "self-subject-object relationship", we have to present and reveal the internal and external relationship patterns through the continuous deepening of the intersubjective relationship, so that Jiaojiao can clearly see and understand her own internal relationship, that is, the "pairings" mentioned above, and their relationship with the external interpersonal model. In this process, it is natural for Kyaukjiao to feel that in our intersubjective therapy relationship, no matter what she used to be, what she has done, what she is now, and what she wants to do, she is understood, allowed, and supported, so she will become more and more real, the more she can re-examine her external interpersonal model, and her interpersonal interaction will be very different from the unreal feelings in the past, and this very different will become a new interpersonal experience for her, so she has the confidence to face the real life outside the treatment room. In fact, in the later stages of treatment, Kyaukjiao finally expanded her network, such as participating in two club activities and working part-time as a tutor.
I would like to say that the vision of intersubjective spiritual division is essentially the process of "subject-to-subject interaction" between the therapist and the client, and we use the interpersonal interaction mode in the client's external reality to help the client reflect on and be aware of the "self-subject-object relationship" in the subconscious, so as to adjust the inner subject-object relationship and gradually establish and develop a harmonious external interpersonal relationship.
It is also necessary to take the subject-object relationship of the self as the perspective and present and reveal the inner and external interpersonal patterns in the therapeutic situation of the intersubjective relationship, so as to achieve the following effects: the client's seeing, understanding and transformation of the client's "bad interpersonal experience organization", the improvement of the client's subjectivity, and the "internal and external consistency" of the client's self-feeling.