I don't care if it's a parent, a parent, a grandparent, or a concubine. It's all about what you're doing.
For example, if the grandson (granddaughter) makes a mistake, Lao Tzu wants to kill him (her) in a fit of anger, and the old lady will intervene, which will definitely succeed - it is impossible for Jia's mother to let Jia Zheng kill Baoyu, and it is impossible for Mrs. Sheng to let Sheng Hong kill Mo Lan. In fact, without Mother Jia and Mrs. Sheng, Jia Zheng and Sheng Hong would not have killed Baoyu Molan. In addition to Jin Riyan, Wang Mang, and Hai Rui, it is really rare to kill (force to die) their own children.
For example, if the son takes a fancy to a girl next to the old lady and wants to be a concubine, then the old lady will have to decide her attitude depending on the situation. If her son was young and purely in love with beauty and gentleness, the old lady would have agreed: Mrs. Sheng gave Lin Yushuang to Sheng Hong. As for the Jia family, Wang Xifeng said: "It's not as young as being young, and there is no obstacle in doing these things", which shows that the young people in Jiafu can "do these things". Jia Zheng also accepted Aunt Zhao when he was young, although it must not be in line with Jia's mother's aesthetic taste, but Jia Zheng still married her, pampered her for many years, had children, and did not see Jia's mother object.
However, if Sheng Hong is in his fifties, his health is not very good, there are already a bunch of concubines in the house, and he has to seek the most reliable maid by Mrs. Sheng's side, and then Mrs. Sheng sees through at a glance that her son is not lustful, but calculates herself: "Get rid of him, so that you can fiddle with me!" Then do you guess if Mrs. Sheng will turn her face with Sheng Hong? And the result of turning her face is Sheng Hong obediently admitting her mistake and admitting defeat, or is she desperate and insisting on getting the teenage little maid into her house?
In "Dream of Red Mansions", Xiao Xing'er once said: "This is what the saying goes, the world can't escape the word 'reason'." This sentence is applicable in the two groups of mother-daughter mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, Mrs. Jia Zhengwang, Mrs. Sheng Hong, Mrs. Sheng Hong, and Mrs. Lin Xiaoniang.
If the son wants to do something wrong that violates ethics, the mother will always stop it, and it has nothing to do with the biological mother and grandmother. If the son wants to do something harmless, such as an affair and sin, then the mother will probably allow it. This is the choice made by a sensible old man.
The same is true for sons, and the same is true for daughters-in-law. Whether it is Jia's mother or Mrs. Sheng, they are all "retired old cadres", as long as they do not infringe on their fundamental interests, the old lady will not interfere with her son and daughter-in-law. Although the eldest lady in "Do You Know" has a reckless personality, she is not a bad person, and she is also used to poison her mother-in-law. So most of her affairs, Mrs. Sheng won't care—except for stuffing her niece into her son who has just been promoted as a daughter-in-law.
Jia Mu is the same. The only time he reprimanded Mrs. Wang was when Jia pardoned the mandarin ducks. As mentioned earlier, because of the element of "calculation", Jia Mu was furious, and she was also angry with Mrs. Wang who was present. But as soon as he was reminded, he immediately admitted his mistake, and asked Baoyu to kneel down and apologize for himself, and he was happy when he heard it.
In other matters, even if Jia Mu disagreed with Mrs. Wang's decision-making in her heart, she refused to reveal it easily on the surface.
This is not a question of "being able to manage" or "being uncontrollable", but the fact that the two generations of leaders (especially the main leaders and the core of leadership) as a collective will inevitably lead to a split once they get into trouble.
Mother Jia and Mrs. Sheng have a strategic and big pattern, and they would rather wronged themselves than maintain the unity of the collective.