People often say: no matter how beautiful a marriage is, there must be a sense of boundaries.
In fact, two people in a marriage are like two hedgehogs that warm each other, getting too close will sting each other, and too far away will feel cold. At this time, the sense of boundary is like a chair that is just right, allowing two people to snuggle up to each other and maintain a comfortable distance. No matter how good a marriage is, it needs such a sense of boundaries to maintain balance and harmony.
Marriage and family counselor Wu Jikang wrote about the ups and downs of ordinary people's married life through the daily life of Yutong and Mingxuan in the book "Days Staggering, We Are Steady: How to Have a High-quality Intimate Relationship". Wu Jikang believes that two people in the relationship between husband and wife influence each other, and accepting each other's influence does not necessarily mean agreeing with each other's views or meeting each other's needs, but adheres to the principle of "taking into account each other and not wronging oneself".
The battle over money between husband and wife may sound like an old-fashioned topic, but in fact, it is a "roadblock" that affects the relationship of many couples. The reason for this is that it violates the delicate sense of boundary between husband and wife.
So, what is a sense of boundary? To put it simply, two people should clearly distinguish between "my business" and "yours" and not interfere with each other. This sense of boundaries is especially important in a couple's relationship. For example, if two people do not have a clear boundary when it comes to money, various problems will arise. Most likely, you think I'm spending money indiscriminately, and I think you're picking on the door.
Imagine a couple who often quarrel because they have different ideas about money. The husband is a hedonist and likes to use money to enjoy life, such as eating, going to the movies, traveling, etc., while the wife is more conservative and believes that she should save money for a rainy day. In this way, two people will inevitably have conflicts over the issue of spending money.
If both sides hold their own opinions, neither of them will back down, and both will ask the other to change, then the husband will accuse his wife of being too stingy, and the wife will criticize the husband for not having a long-term plan and being too irresponsible. As a result, the wife resolutely refuses to let her husband spend money, and the husband spends the money even more lavishly. This feeling of violating psychological boundaries can be uncomfortable for both parties.
Therefore, if you want to have a harmonious relationship between husband and wife, you must first clarify a principle: we are a family, but we are also two independent individuals. Everyone should have their own space and rights, and at the same time, they must respect each other's space and rights. That's the sense of boundaries between each other.
At this time, the couple needs to calm down and have a good talk. The husband tells his wife that he likes to spend money because enjoying life makes him work better, and the wife tells her husband that she saves money for the future of the family and for the occasion. The two men were frank about each other's thoughts and expressed their attitudes towards money.
After an open chat, they finally understood each other's thoughts. Subsequently, the two people have to work out a plan of action that is acceptable to both parties, so that they are not aggrieved and respectful of each other's needs. For example, couples can choose to save a fixed amount of money each month, and the rest of the money can be used freely. In this way, the husband's desire to enjoy life is satisfied, and the wife's need to save money is satisfied, and the relationship between husband and wife will become more harmonious.
Therefore, no matter how beautiful the marriage is, we cannot ignore the existence of a sense of boundaries. A sense of boundaries in marriage is about understanding and respecting each other better. This is not a deliberate distancing, but the wisdom of careful management and maintenance. As long as two people truly love each other and are willing to work hard for each other, a good marriage relationship will definitely become more happy and happy. Therefore, let's keep in mind the importance of a sense of boundaries and work hard for a more happy marriage!