Winter and spring,
It's been 10 years.
吾兄归穷泉,
The heavy soil is forever secluded.
Brother has never said goodbye,
The dream is still sad.
Tears dry and hold the wine,
The sound is the same.
It was difficult to fall asleep tonight, and I sat quietly under the lamp alone, thinking about that sunny afternoon, when my brother sat on the hospital bed, smiling, and did not show anything abnormal at all. The sunshine is so good, my brother is smiling so happily, everyone thinks that the years are quiet and good, and the future is long.
It's been ten years since my brother left us, if he is still here, he will be 70 years old after the Chinese New Year this year, and people will live for 70 years, if we can get 10 more years, will we have fewer regrets? If we can do it all over again, this extra 10 years, I don't know what kind of way my brother will choose to spend it?
I often speculate like this: What did he think about the night my brother left? Did he complain about us, but just glanced at him in a hurry, and left in a hurry. Do you regret that you haven't had time to put on the new clothes that your children bought, and greet the difficult natal year that you have always thought you have always had?
I also regretted it more than once: If we hadn't left that night, and had accompanied my brother at night, talking and talking about old things, would we have been able to prevent my brother from falling asleep? Let him keep his eyes open and not fall asleep, would we have avoided this sudden tragedy?
Brother is a frugal person, all his life by doing hard work to earn money to support his family, with his extreme frugality, hoping to be able to save enough money; in order to save enough money, brother set himself a small cost of living, to maintain daily food and clothing.
On the night of my brother's departure, my mother dreamed of my brother, wearing strange clothes that he had never wore, and my brother told my mother that he was leaving, and my mother asked him anxiously: "It's the Chinese New Year, do you still want to go out to work?" My brother didn't speak, he just said that he was leaving.
I also dreamed of my brother, standing at the door of my house, but he didn't speak, his face was blurred, I don't know if he said anything, and I don't know how many things he still has on his mind, I don't have time to say it.
It is a pity that man does not have the ability to predict the future, and there is no way to keep the departed, and there is no way for man to go to the unknown world, to ask the departed, and those unfinished people and things, and to find a way to regret the past.
If a person has a soul, he should be sad when he thinks about that moment, he will definitely feel very unwilling, he has not seen the big fat grandson he misses, has not saved enough money, and has not stopped for a moment to enjoy a leisurely life. Until the moment before he fell ill and was hospitalized, his brother had been working diligently, trying to make money or find ways to save money.
It's as if the day my brother chose to leave, it seems that he has calculated that he must save money, effort and time for his children - there are three days to go to the Chinese New Year's Eve, and every family will go to the grave of the deceased ancestors, so that the children do not have to make a special trip to the grave of the brother on the death day, just wait to complete the worship at one time during the New Year.
If there is a soul, my brother may be happy again, the children have grown up, life is not bad, he also has a big fat grandson in his heart, everyone is fine, there are not as many worries and troubles as he imagined when he was in that world, if he knows all this in that world, presumably my brother should be at ease and happy.
When my brother left, it was windy for several days, and we all said that he was like his brother's temperament, and he walked in a hurry; after my brother left, every year on this day, there would be a little snow, and no one would think about whether my brother would be too cold? No one thought of going to his grave, talking with him, drinking a glass of wine and smoking a cigarette to drive away the cold.
In this cold winter, in that cold and deserted yellow earth, what is my brother doing alone? Is that thin and rickety figure still crouching in a corner, the cigarette butt between his fingers is clearly extinguished, just like when he was alive, those heavy things that seem to be nothing?
Brother, it's good to return home at night. May you be able to visit your homeland, take another look at the place where you once worked, see how it has changed, and comfort your lonely soul.
I hope that you can be reincarnated as soon as possible, and you will still be a good man in fresh clothes, and I hope that you will come to the world again, and you can meet a good woman who loves you and spend your life with you.