What's scarier than not trying hard is pretending to try

Author: The main creative group, meet Xiaoyuan

Recently, I swiped such a post, and I was very emotional.

In the mother-daughter conversation, the child took the initiative to talk about unit tests:

"Mom, I've never had such a low score. ”

"I think the person who takes the first place is very tired, and she has to keep rolling herself to keep the first place. ”

There is envy in the words, and there is also self-blame, as a mother, the post owner gave this response:

"Xueba is very tired, and he may not be able to sleep, but if he is the first to the last, he sleeps well every day, and he does not have to be afraid of being surpassed by others, and he does not need to be at the bottom of his efforts. ”

This made the child laugh.

But after reading it, many netizens also found an educational loophole: while maintaining the child's confidence, this mother actually restricted her pursuit.

As one comment describes, "Limited spirit, focus on what works." Think efficiently and don't let the opportunity to learn slip away. ”

It is true that when it comes to primary and secondary schools, children's grades are not satisfactory, not because the chicken baby does not work hard;

The bright scroll becomes the dark scroll, and when the chicken baby becomes a guerrilla war

How to alleviate the "chicken baby anxiety" of this generation of parents?

Blogger @YUNYA Ma Ma's sentence makes people break the defense: "The world is like a theater, when the front row audience stands up, the back row audience also has to stand up." ”

Nowadays, there are few mothers who are not anxious about parenting.

Just like in life, we see no shortage of scenes like this:

One-on-one tutoring is too expensive, so there are acquaintances who introduce each other to the number of small classes and send their children to interest classes;

In the past, children connected with a song "The Lonely Brave", but now they are sent out by their parents after school, and saying hello is even a "code" for tutoring.

So some netizens commented: "The baby who is pushed by his parents is like a guerrilla war staged all over the country." ”

At first glance, it sounds quite humorous, but behind it is the sadness of the parents.

When I think of a friend of mine, that's it.

My son was seriously biased in the middle school entrance examination, and his friend had to strengthen the communication with the head teacher in private, hoping to spur the child not to fall behind.

The teacher also wants the student to get good grades, so she usually pays more attention to the child.

I found that when he was in school, he went to the classroom at six o'clock to study on his own, and he usually went to the cafeteria by trotting to the cafeteria, and he could finish it in ten minutes.

Sometimes when I went to bed at night, I could see him sitting on the bed memorizing words.

Wherever the teacher can see, this child is brushing questions and reading books.

It's just that in this state, he is often reminded to take a nap in class due to lack of sleep, and sometimes he doesn't hear the key and difficult knowledge clearly, and he has to stay up late to study diligently.

In such a cycle, he couldn't sleep well, he didn't study well, and his many classroom quizzes and mock test scores were not satisfactory.

After my friend learned about this from the class teacher, he became more and more distressed: Why did the child fail in the exam even after working hard?

The reason for this is that there are actually traces to follow, such as:

The child is biased, not necessarily not working hard, maybe he has done useless work, and what is more anxious than the chicken baby is that it has no effect after "beating the chicken blood......

If children study more time and more, will they be able to win at the starting line?

A study by Stanford University has shown that the more you learn, the more you learn, the more fruitless it is.

Children who are not successful do not need to work hard, but to work effectively.

Behind the chicken baby, the child is falling into "pseudo-effort"

There is such a topic on Zhihu: For high school students, what is pretending to work hard?

Gao Zan's answer is very well summarized:

"Brush up on a lot of questions, and jump if you can't do it. ”

"Use the best notebook and pen to write the longest plan. ”

"I didn't think about anything, I was taking notes the whole class. ”

After reading the message, I felt that it was in my old mother's heart, because the middle school student in my family was like this.

I personally grasp the subject knowledge, but every time I check the learning situation, he uses tactical diligence to cover up strategic laziness:

The notebook is marked with markers in a colorful way, and the excerpts are very careful, but there is less of my own thinking.

Every time he sees his academic results floating over the line, the child's father will say: "Our son is a self-moving player, it seems that the tactics of the sea of questions are not working!"

I also gradually realized that after my child entered middle school, the knowledge he learned increased year by year, and it became more difficult.

So, why do children fall into pseudo-effort? These three reasons are known as early as possible.

1. Not knowing your strengths

During adolescence, children's three views are not yet mature, and they will inevitably be affected by the outside world in terms of self-evaluation.

It is more common for students at the bottom of the class to have low grades but high self-esteem.

Once criticized, you will suffer a setback.

Over time, self-esteem has become inferiority, self-consciousness is not the material for reading, and they are eager to prove themselves, learning very hard but not seeing hope, and can only float on the surface.

They will also become accustomed to self-denial due to poor academic performance, unable to see their own strengths clearly, and become negative.

2. Unclear goals

There is such an interesting saying circulating on the Internet:

"I usually don't study hard, and I stay up late to review when the exam is approaching, so I understand what efficiency is!"

In the face of this kind of Buddhist revision method, many children also have cognitive biases: they think that over-studying can improve their grades.

But it is overlooked: this kind of surprise learning method is limited to short-term goals, and in the long run, this learning method is not applicable.

In order to prove this, some foreign researchers have done such an experiment.

The researchers divided the participants into two groups and administered a vocabulary test.

The first group had 5 rounds of testing, and no one passed the single round with a perfect score, while the second group, "over-learners", had 10 rounds of testing, with each participant receiving a perfect score in at least 3 rounds of testing.

But four weeks later, the researchers did a follow-up visit and found that the scores of the two groups were equal. In other words, the advantages of over-learning are greatly reduced.

It can be seen that the goal needs to be considered in the long run, and excessive learning can easily lead people into ineffective efforts.

3. Too biased belief in the "wisdom theory"

There is also a type of child who falls into fake diligence, which is inseparable from what parents often call "cleverness".

For example, the same rendition can always be seen in different families:

If the child does well in the exam, he is very talented in learning, and if he does not do well in the exam, he has to learn from other people's smart cubs.

Listening to such mantras a lot, children only think that they want to learn well, "smart" accounts for the majority, and effort accounts for very little.

In order to get a compliment of "you are so smart", the child will no longer work hard, more superficial work, and less deep thinking.

Do these three things well to keep children away from ineffective efforts

Heard a folk tale.

There were two people chopping wood, and the tools were both very blunt axes.

One of them cherished the time and wanted to cut as much wood as he could in the longest time, so he raced against time to work hard;

The other person, who attaches more importance to preliminary preparation, chooses to sharpen the axe into a sharp weapon before chopping wood.

In this way, the starting point is the same, but the woodcutter's strategy is different, and there is no suspense about winning or losing:

The one who sharpens the axe wins easily, and the one who holds a blunt axe seems to be able to chop wood for a longer period of time, but it is not very efficient.

Returning to education, the stupid method of "sharpening knives and not cutting wood" can also help children defeat ineffective efforts.

After all, there is no shortcut to learning, but there is a method, and the correct guidance of parents is the best "weapon" for children.

1. Praise less for your child's hard work and more for your child's progress

In the process of parenting, there is nothing wrong with encouraging education, but it is a misunderstanding to exaggerate the wrong direction.

For example, in the face of children who are slow to learn, no matter how much time you pay, the effect is not obvious.

At this time, parents praise them for their hard work, which will only make children think:

The more time I put in, the more praise I will earn, and I will have to stay up all night and do more questions.

In fact, learning efficiency is often presented in an inverted "U" shape, and the longer the time after reaching the critical point, the lower the efficiency.

Therefore, replacing "you are really hardworking" and "you are really working hard" with "you have improved again this time" can encourage children more effectively.

2. Make less decisions for your child and let your child make more decisions

If you don't have a strong sense of purpose, you will be less flexible in learning.

For such children, parents can focus on nurturing their autonomy and independence.

For example, let children make decisions about small things, and discuss big things with them before choosing.

There's nothing like being a part of it.

After the cognitive thinking is developed, and then the children are guided to migrate to learning, their goals will be clearer.

3. Pay less attention to scores and cultivate children's interest in learning

As a parent, after getting the class report card, you can first analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the subject for your children, and then find their interests.

If your child likes mathematics, talk more about the connection between mathematics and other subjects:

If you can learn English well, you will have more opportunities to study in the field of mathematics in the future.

In this way, even if children deviate from the subject at a certain stage and work hard blindly, they will consciously try and explore the right way of learning in order to learn the subjects of interest in depth.

I think of a saying: "The result is not important, the process of effort is more important." ”

This statement is true, but it does not apply to children who are "fake diligent".

When they think that the high score is to meet their parents' expectations, they will only pretend to study hard.

In this way, the harder you work, the more internal friction, the more internal friction, the harder you work, and there is no efficiency.

At this time, after parents recognize their children's fake diligence, they know how to lower their expectations and guide patiently, which is the safest education.

May all parents be the guide of their children and the best witness to each other!