The first batch of post-95s will soon be 30 years old.
Many people shout "I'm old, I'm going to take care of myself", and at the same time, they feel "why am I still like a child, I don't feel like I've grown up".
No, my peers are married, divorced, and have a second child, only I am still traveling, chasing stars, and buying figures......
It's as if the pause button has been pressed on the life process.
At a gathering of friends, they were talking about their partners and children, and I suddenly found out in a lost way:
There are fewer and fewer people who can accompany themselves to "go crazy".
And my emotions don't seem to be as stable as a 30-year-old person should be.
No matter how good or bad the mood is, he will not say beautiful things to the leader, and he will not be able to play with his annoying colleagues.
Only Jay Chou is the most active when he releases a new song, and as long as he is still singing, he feels that I am still in the hot-blooded adolescence.
I still haven't been able to become a "qualified" adult with a successful career, a happy family, and a calm personality, sometimes I enjoy it, and sometimes I feel anxious and blame myself.
Do you feel that way? Is this a good thing? What does it mean to be a "qualified" adult?
Today, I want to talk to you about the late 30-year-old.
I would like to ask you, have you heard the following words?
"How old are you, and you still watch cartoons, it's not a shame. ”
"It's such a big person, you know how to have fun all day long, can you be mature?"
"It's almost 30 and you're still chasing stars, how can you look like a child!"
"Your classmates' children are all making soy sauce, how can anyone like you, I don't know what I'm doing every day......"
I feel that I am not ready, and I have reached the age where I need to be sensible, and I am constantly being urged to grow up.
Many people don't want to grow up, and on the other hand, they PUA because of this kind of thinking, feeling that they are unsociable, too naïve, and should not ...... Then fall into self-blame and anxiety.
"Is it normal to feel like a child at 30?" the Observer once conducted this survey on Weibo.
There are 123,000 young people who feel that there is nothing wrong with it, and the most liked comment said:
"I'm 24 years old, and I'm still waiting for a notice from Hogwarts. ”
Wang Haowei, chairman of the Taiwan Therapeutic Association, said:
Our generation of young people is collectively experiencing "delayed adulthood" and entering the "late maturity era".
Don't blame young people for this.
After all, our lives are postponed until the age of 25 before they really begin.
With the spread of higher education, and even graduate education, the three elements of adulthood that sociologists delineate – "marriage, buying a house, and working" – are rarely well fulfilled by the age of 30.
Seth J. Gillihan, Ph.D., Psychology, believes that we don't feel like adults because:
A sign of adulthood, a social change.
For example, the average age of people buying a house for the first time was in their 20s, but now most people are in their 30s. With the development of society, young people get married, buy houses, and have children, and these once landmark events have been postponed.
In addition, even if some people are married, have a baby, and have a career, they still feel that they have not grown up and have not yet become adults in the true sense of the word.
For example, my best friend, who is 30 years old this year, got married and had a baby, and can't cook yet, was ruthlessly complained by her parents:
"When I was a teenager, I had to support my family" "In the past, there were so many children in the family, how could I take care of them, they all did their own laundry and cooking. ”
The American sociologist Jeffrey Arnett once put forward the theory of "the beginning of adulthood":
When people are 18-29 years old, they don't feel like adults and can't continue to be a child.
Because society is demanding more and more from young people, we need this stage as a buffer to find the direction.
We often say "stand at thirty", but if you can't stand for the time being, it's okay to allow yourself to lie down a little longer.
A while ago, I saw a netizen leave a message, saying that he would come into contact with a lot of people who came to do business at work, and looked at their gloomy appearance, thinking that the other party was 40 years old, but the results showed that they were all post-90s and post-95s.
"What is more terrible than aging is that the heart is dead and there is no enthusiasm for life. ”
My friend Xiao A deeply agrees, obviously working until he is about to be depressed, but he still doesn't dare to resign, because he has a mortgage, a car loan and a "gold swallowing beast".
I found out that a "qualified" adult in the secular sense meets the following criteria-
get married and have babies step by step, accept social rules to earn money to support your family;
He knows how to be sophisticated, and he will say beautiful things on different occasions;
can be recognized by the people around you, and it always looks glamorous......
It seems that when you grow up, you have to suppress your true desires and inner needs at the cost of becoming a "qualified adult" who is thoughtful and full of emotional intelligence in the eyes of others.
To a certain extent, young people who refuse to grow up strive for the possibility of "self-reservation", which is a precious primitive vitality.
In addition, not wanting to grow up is often accompanied by "not being able to grow up". Writer Wang Haowei mentioned in the book "Late Maturity Era":
We are overly dependent on our parents, and we are used to living as "children" in the arms of our parents.
Just like the "full-time children" who were very popular last year, they are by accompanying their parents in exchange for financial support.
While taking care of your parents, you can enjoy the security of being cared for by your parents, and it is much better to be a "baby of your parents" than to be alone outside the wind and rain.
Nowadays, most parents want their children to stay with them, find a job not far from home or take the civil service exam, and live not far from them after getting married, and occasionally come to the door to help cook a meal or take care of a baby......
How can we grow up when we have been properly arranged all our lives?
Some young people who refuse to grow up may not be ready to face the fact that their parents are aging, tacitly rely on each other with their parents, and be a child who does not grow up in peace.
Many people mistakenly think that refusing to grow up is to become a "giant baby".
However, it is not only by catering to the rules of the world that you are called growing up.
Recently, I watched Han Zong's "My Bear Child", and one of the guests was the Korean singer Kim Modeling, and the childish things he did were so "outrageous" that you can't even think of it.
He likes to drink soju, so he bought a soju refrigerator without telling his mother.
He disguised it as a printer, took out a stack of A4 paper, and clipped it to the refrigerator door, while not forgetting the details of only half of the paper, covering the logo with stickers, and putting a lot of books and notebooks on the top of the refrigerator.
△ Source: Han Zong "My Bear Child"
What can he do with the finished soju bottles? He secretly saved 300 bottles, removed the caps and stickers one by one, took a few hangers and assembled them into tree trunks, hung the bottles layer by layer with silk threads, turned on the switch, and turned on the switch to become a shiny Christmas tree.
△ Source: Han Zong "My Bear Child"
He also brought home a super-large fish tank to raise groupers, sea bass, sea bream, sea cucumbers, sea squirts...... You think it's for appreciation? I'm sorry, but it's for eating.
From time to time, he called three or five friends, decorated the living room into a food stall, killed and ate those seafood, and boasted that his family "does not lose to the sashimi shop".
△ Source: Han Zong "My Bear Child"
Before participating in the show, he heard that onion juice can prevent Alzheimer's disease, so he immediately bought 300 onions, peeled them, mashed them, and squeezed them into onion juice "with tears and tears" to give them to the four "mothers" in the show......
Many friends asked him, "Why do you always do these useless things?"
He replied: "I don't think I have lost my childlike innocence, and they all say that the moment I lose my childlike innocence, I become an adult." ”
So, what does it matter if you don't become an adult in the eyes of others?
is like a 50-year-old Jin modeling, living freely and happily.
We live in an era where we are very good at "ripening", and we have long been told what it means to be mature and grow up.
Fortunately, more and more people reject the standard sense of growing up and redefine what maturity is.
If you want to describe it in one sentence, it is "knowing the world but not the world" - knowing that there are many rules in reality, but not wanting to converge and not blindly follow, but living like a child, protecting your purest and most authentic impulses and pursuits, and not completely losing your inner child.
As Picasso said:
"It took me 4 years to draw as well as Raphael, but it took me a lifetime to draw like a child. ”
Whether it's like an adult or a child, the standards should be set by us.
It's safe to be a step-by-step adult, but it's fun to live like a child.
Sociologist Jeffrey Arnett said:
Each of us has to experience a pull between established social standards and personal standards, and we have to conform to social standards while refusing to be oversocialized.
It's painful and confusing, but it's also a great opportunity to turn your life around and hopeful from another perspective.
Because this is a "period of exploration of self-identity", in order to answer the question "who am I", I try different life choices and pay more attention to self-development.
So, what does it feel like to really grow up?
First, be responsible for yourself.
There is a netizen named Lian Rongzi, who used to be a girl who "always puts others in front of herself".
The leader often adds work temporarily, and she will push it off even if she has other personal matters, and then force herself to finish it all night;
Colleagues often asked her to help, but she didn't dare to refuse, worried that her colleagues wouldn't like her, so she tolerated everywhere.
As a result, the leader also accused her of being too inefficient, and her colleagues complained that she was clumsy, and she finally couldn't help but reply:
"First of all, this is my off-duty time, I am not obliged to be online 24 hours a day, and secondly, this is not my job in the first place, and I will learn what respect is before I find someone to help me next time!"
After finishing speaking, she suddenly realized that it was so refreshing to take care of herself! She instantly understood:
True maturity starts with being responsible for yourself.
Second, be responsible for others.
Netizen Xiaoxiao was interning when she received a call from her mother at noon one day, saying that her father was sick.
She immediately asked for leave and rushed to the hospital to accompany her father for examinations and hospitalization, and finally the doctor told her: "Your father has cancer."
From that day on, she ran around during the day to make a living, took care of her father at night, and sometimes had to comfort her mother:
"It's okay, medicine is so advanced now, and my dad exercises a lot, so he will definitely get through it, don't worry. But in fact, she herself is often sad and insomnia because of this:
"What if I don't have a dad?"
Originally, she "didn't touch the spring water with her ten fingers", but now she has learned to make soup and cook, just to make food for her father often.
She told me that she was forced to grow up overnight:
"When my parents got sick, I was an adult in this family."
I know it's cruel, but when we dare to face the sudden changes and chaos of life, we really grow up.
But don't forget to reserve the right to "live like a child" for yourself.
This is the reason why it has been a hot topic recently - raising yourself all over again.
After 7 years of class, someone decided to continue his studies and went to study in Europe at the age of 29;
Some people had poor family conditions when they were young, and they couldn't continue to learn piano, so they picked it up again at the age of 28;
Some people are still in love at the age of 30, not in a hurry to get married and have children, and enjoy love, instead of being pushed to complete tasks......
So, what I want to say is:
When we accept that growing up is an "inevitable loss", and are able to live with all our strength and enthusiasm, you become a better and closer person to yourself.
Go and live like you want to be!
The world and I love you.
Author: Lin Dafa
编辑:一颗多肉、Jessica
Source: Unsplash
Some references:
[1].Nanjing Daily.Is it a problem behavior, or is it the norm in the future?2018.10.3
[2]. Sanlian Life Weekly.Thirty Buli: How to Define True Adult?.2021.08.17
[3]. Vista.The first batch of 95 generations approaching the age of 30 always feel that they have just turned 20.2023.05.27
[4]. Vista.The first batch of post-90s generations are almost 30 years old, but they always feel that they haven't grown up yet.2019.09.23
I don't want to work, I don't want to get married, I don't dare to have a baby, why don't the post-90s and post-95s want to grow up?. 2018.07.22
[6]. S D Scheer 1, D G Unger, M B Brown.Adolescents becoming adults: attributes for adulthood.1996 Spring; 31(121):127-31