Teacher Xiao Yunru inscribed for the excellent calligraphy and painting club
I can't warm my heart
Text/Shen Guihong
January 27, 2024, is an ordinary day, an important day for my mother's family, and the day of my sister-in-law's burial. My sister-in-law died of illness last winter, when the epidemic was opening up, and the ashes of my sister-in-law were temporarily placed in the funeral home.
In order to let the deceased rest in peace and be buried in peace, the nephew chose this day this winter. The previous cold wave broke the comfort of warm winter and began to test people's cold resistance, continuing the pattern of minus seven or eight degrees. The forecast is that the temperature will rise today, but in the Baling, the surrounding area is empty, the mountain wind is cold, the snow on the mountain is like cotton wool blown away by the wind, and the east and west piles are tenaciously spread on the top of the mountain, the side of the mountain, and in the cracks of the stones; at the moment when the sun has not yet risen, the cold wind shows penetrating power, through the cotton clothes, sweaters and straight to the skin, even if you wear the thickest cotton shoes, you can't resist the cold air on the surface of the ground to penetrate the soles and spread upward.
The cold doesn't stop the family, and everyone who should be there is there. Under the guidance of the cemetery staff, in the solemn sound of bells and drums, a solemn burial ceremony was carried out for the sister-in-law. My sister-in-law pays attention to the sense of ritual no matter what she does, and holding such a ceremony to send her can be regarded as a successful end to her life. At the moment of burial, I still couldn't hold back the tears overflowing from my eyes. My sister-in-law got married, and it was more than 30 years, all the way through the ups and downs, from acquaintance to acquaintance to becoming relatives, and then to getting sick, fighting with the disease, my brother sought medical treatment everywhere, and went to Shanghai in the case that the major hospitals in Xi'an were no longer admitted.
When we come to the world, we have relatives who are related by blood and relatives, and we also have relatives who are related by marriage, and with the company of these relatives, whether we are noisy or happy, we can make our hearts less lonely, and we naturally do not want our relatives to leave us, especially our parents. A few days ago, a close friend came to me and chatted about her deceased parents, and even though it had been many years, she still had a heartache to think about. Sympathy, two pairs of teary eyes, all because there is no one in this world who fully accepts us. However, after the death of his parents, he always wanted to write a memorial to his parents, but he never knew how to write to express his complicated feelings. Thinking that Ouyang Xiu, the leader of the literary world in the Song Dynasty, wrote a sacrificial text to his parents for eighteen years, he was daunted, and he weighed a thousand pounds of pen, and he never wrote a single word.
When my sister-in-law passed away, I also wanted to write a memorial to her spirit in heaven, thinking about the past, thinking about her smile, thinking about her life, thinking about her regrets, thinking about the inspiration I got from her, and I didn't know where to start writing for a while.
We don't want our loved ones to leave, and we have to watch them go. Probably life is like this, one thing comes one thing, one thing is done, if you don't take it to heart, you can't hide from it, and someone is destined to walk alone. Sometimes, I can't figure out whether I feel sorry for the departed person or more for the living person, or both? But there is also a saying: "There is no encounter in life for no reason." All encounters are karma. Either help you or cross you. ”
Sometimes, we are the most powerless people!
Shen Guihong is a member of the Xi'an Writers Association, a member of the Xi'an Cheongsam Art Research Association, and the vice chairman of the Weiyang Writers Association. Life needs a clear state of mind, mundane things need a pair of eyes that love beauty, and literature needs a sunny feeling.