In the past two days, I saw a piece of news that made me feel pain in my heart for several days.
Xiangxiang from Kaifeng, Henan, in her 30s, slapped herself in front of her 70-year-old father, crying bitterly while beating. A lot of people supported her: You're too hard, if I can't hold on. What's going on here?
It turned out that Xiangxiang had been taking care of her disabled father alone for more than ten years, and during these years, she took care of her father day after day, eating, drinking, shaving, haircut, and taking medicine, these daily chores, so that she had no way to go out, no way to go out to work, and she was revolving around her father every day.
The disabled elderly are sometimes like a naughty child, the more they don't let it go, the more they have to challenge, and people keep breaking down.
On January 17, Xiangxiang went to her father's house early in the morning to see if he had gotten up, and found that there was feces everywhere, not only on the bed, quilt, and clothes, but also on the ground, and he kept stepping on it with his feet. Xiangxiang cried, but her father didn't know what he was doing wrong because he was sick, but kept saying that Xiangxiang still wanted to beat her.
Xiangxiang must have been accustomed to this moment of collapse, and soon she calmed down, took all the dirty clothes and sheets to the yard to soak, and then hurriedly washed her father and let him have breakfast. It hadn't stopped in the morning, and I thought she would be able to catch her breath a little.
Unexpectedly, after a while, her father pulled it into her pants again, she told her father not to do this in the future, but she didn't expect her father to come up and beat her again.
This is the opening scene, Xiangxiang cried and said to her daughter: If I am like your grandfather in the future, I would rather you leave me alone!
Angry, Xiangxiang continued to help her old father clean up, and she had been "boiling" for more than ten years in such a day of repeated collapses and self-healing.
This news reminds me of my old colleagues.
Lao Zhou is 76 years old, when she was young, her in-laws and parents didn't need her to take care of her, she caught up with the early years of layoffs, has been resting at home, idle for 30 years, but I didn't expect that in her later years, she caught up with her wife suddenly suffered a stroke and became disabled, and she had never taken care of anyone, and she was trapped in the family all of a sudden.
Lao Zhou has a son and a daughter, and his daughter married far away to Hangzhou, so it would be good to come back once a year. My son is around, but his job is unstable.
At the beginning, Lao Zhou felt that he could cope with his wife, so he took care of him day and night. But as my wife was bedridden, she became more and more confused, suffered from dementia after a stroke, and didn't know anything, and more seriously, she had kidney problems and needed dialysis at home every day, which made Lao Zhou worried.
In the past, she was used to being idle and shopping happily every day. Now, when we went to see her, we could hear the roar inside the door from a long distance, and she couldn't help it, her temper was not at all the gentle she used to be.
There was no way, she asked her son to quit his job, and the two of them took care of his wife together, and his son was so busy that it was difficult to go back to his house one day, and the children almost didn't know him.
Like Xiangxiang, they repeat the life of collapse every day, starting to do dialysis for their wife at 7 o'clock in the morning, and the two of them need to work hard to help their 170-pound wife up from the bed, one goes to cook, and the other needs to watch from the side, because he is unconscious, and sometimes he pulls out the tube. The process of defecation every morning is even more difficult, because he has been bedridden for a long time, and his son still needs to help him pick up.
After lunch at 2 o'clock in the afternoon, the two of them can take turns to rest for 1 hour, and then start to repeat the morning dialysis, support, and accompany the work. Just every time two people help their 170-pound wife up, they have to do a lot of strength, so they all have back pain. As long as I can rest, I will lie on the bed to relieve my back pain.
It was slightly better during the day, and it was even more difficult at night, my wife refused to wear diapers, and quietly tore them off every time, and often urinated overnight, so the two took turns to get up many times at night to see if there was any bedwetting and put on a clean nursing pad again.
It has been 4 years since my wife fell ill. When I and other friends went to see Lao Zhou, they could see that she and her son had no light in their eyes and couldn't laugh anymore.
After looking at the above two examples, will many of our elderly people panic? We are now generally born in the 50s and 60s, and once they are disabled, it is really a disaster for the family.
So how should we deal with it?
First, we should take care of our bodies, exercise more after retirement, and reduce the chance of disability as much as possible, or delay the time of disability.
Second, when you are young, try to keep as much savings as possible, if you are really disabled, you can choose a good nanny or nursing institution, even if you have family to accompany and take care of you, it will not be too hard.
Third, when we are young, we try to be better with our wives and children, and pay more to them, because no one can foresee what will happen in the future, when we are old, we can take care of our spouses first, and our children are auxiliary, we usually pay more to them, and when we need help, although it is difficult, they will also be grateful to us because of their previous efforts and are willing to dedicate.
Of course, no one can say which will come first, tomorrow or the accident. We can only say that we try to do the above 3 points, but the situation of each family is complicated, and when it really comes to the matter, we will analyze the specific problems in detail.
When we really encounter the disability of the elderly, family difficulties, and children who can't earn money and have to accompany the elderly, we are really helpless and empathize with their pain, but the elderly have worked hard to raise us, and we need to accompany them, especially now is their helpless time.
I still sincerely wish that all of us elderly people can have a healthy body, which is a blessing for themselves and their families!